A tribute to my mother

You know what? I have a wonderful mother. This year for Christmas, she made all of us scarves. In the past, she has made me a sweater and my husband a quilt. I treasure the sweater that she made my grandpa and I was able to keep after his death.

I have learned so much from her and my memories of her when I was growing up are coming to mind more and more as my children grow. Like today, I was washing the floor for the third time, trying to get the stickiness off. The first two times I must have just moved the juice around. My mom taught my sisters and I how to clean. We didn't always cooperate and I remember many times of doing our weekly chores late Friday night, as that was the deadline if we were to get our allowance. These days, I would have absolutely no qualms about my children eating off her floors. They are likely cleaner than my dishes...and I have a dishwasher.

As my children bring in rocks that they found, I am reminded of the boxes and boxes of rocks that I treasured and kept under my bed when I was young. She tried in vain to convince me that I could keep them outside or just have a few. She must have eventually conviced me, because I love to organize and declutter today. Now it's my turn to try to teach my daughter...

As I hear my children say over and over, "Mom, will you read a story?", I remember my mother's love of reading to us.

When my heart swells in seeing my children succeed, I start to understand my mother's heart towards me: matching or exceeding my joy when things went well and crying with me when they didn't.

My mother is a go-getter. If she sees a job to be done, like painting the entire house or moving a huge flower garden to a new location, she tackles it with vigor and persistence. I think that I inherited a portion of this...but could always use more.

I think of my mother and her love for my sisters and I, and her prayers for us over the years.

I know that she prayed that I would be able to use my voice for God's glory. Today, I sing more than ever with my family and at times, just alone to God. As the Lord has seen fit, I have had the opportunity to sing for others...most recently in a cave we explored when the tour guide asked for volunteers to try out the marvelous accoustics. God knows the gifts He has given and when to use them. I wait on His direction.

I know that she prayed that I would grow in love for the Lord and God has generously answered this prayer as well. Each day, my love for Jesus grows and my desire to obey His Word intensifies.

Even though we have been at odds over the years, and don't see eye-to-eye on some things right now, she has influenced my life, and my family's life, in so many positive ways. I have caused my mother much pain and heartache and she has endured much in her life. She did her best in raising my sisters and I, and she did a wonderful job.

Mom, I want everyone to know how much I love you and appreciate you...because I honestly do, from the bottom of my heart.

Getting back in the groove and our Christmas tradition

We are very thankful for safe travels after a busy Christmas season. It's always fun to plan for trips and visit friends and family, but it's also nice to come home. The first couple days home after traveling, the children play so nicely with each other (for the most part). Things are familiar, and there isn't so much stimuli. Today we did a bit of "school" and then I let them play. Meanwhile, I did surgery on a new toy that is nice but was entirely too loud...not anymore. It's amazing what a small screwdriver, 4 cotton balls and a determined Mama can do.

We were able to be home on Christmas day so that we could complete our own Christmas tradition. I had purchased a "Bethlehem Village" nativity set a few years ago. Last year, we came up with the idea of keeping Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus out of it until Christmas morning. I made a road out of brown vinal and used white puff paint to make 25 cobble stones. We also did a bit of research and made the road in the shape of the possible path that they traveled from Nazareth to Bethlehem including the towns that they may have traveled through and wrote them on it as well. I haven't been able to find a figurine of Mary on a donkey and Joseph walking the size of our other figurines, so I printed off a clip-art picture, laminated it, and stood it up. Then for 25 days before Christmas, we let the children take turns moving Mary and Joseph along the road after a devotional. They loved it and kept saying, "They're getting closer to Bethlehem!" On Christmas day, we put Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus in the manger without the children seeing, so when they come in and looked, there was Jesus! This is the second year of doing this and we plan on keeping this tradition.

Keeping Christ in Christmas is a challenging prospect and more changes toward this end are likely. Any ideas?

Not necessary, but it would be nice...

As a parent to small children, I have found a few things that aren't necessary, but would be nice.
I enjoy real plants, but frankly, there is enough life around here. The plants are getting neglected. In fact, they have to be quite hardy to survive the frequent droughts, dirt removal by little fingers and hampered photosythesis due to dust. I have one artificial plant so far and I am enjoying it just as much as the others. It has reduced my anxiety and calls to poison control. Yes, I am now on the lookout for more plants of the plastic variety.

While traveling, we occasionally have the luxury of sleeping in a king-sized bed. There is a magnet of sorts for children that draws them to mom and dad's bed. It doesn't take long to find out that two adults and three children fit much more comfortably one, especially if your children do aerobics or gymnastics while dreaming. Our children have a knack for sitting up and then flopping over in any direction and being totally unconscious. There have been quite a few near misses and direct hits between participants and innocent bysleepers. Now that I think of it, a padded room to sleep in would be even better.

Most recently, I have come up with a couple product ideas that I would pay quite a bit of money for...

1. a sewing machine foot control that only responds to my foot. Yes, in my haste and lack of preparation for this season of giving, I have been spending quite a bit of time sewing and the sewing machine has run away numerous times, requiring an operation of sorts to get it back in order. It seems that my now one-year old loves pushing on sewing machine peddles and hearing the whirr of the machine. I have had to resort to turning the machine on and off inbetween seams. One other thing, if you decide to give your all to a sewing project, be ready to clean the entire rest of the house when you get done...it's just the way it is with a house of small children. (Every time I turn around I'm sticking to the floor. But they had fun, let me tell you.)

2. a vacuum that knows what, and what not, to cause to vanish into vacuum oblivion. A Hepa filtration vacuum and corresponding bag to nearly eliminate dust and allergens coming into the air is useless if you have to habitually open up the bag to retrieve socks. I know.

Any inventors out there?

Merry CHRISTmas!

They want to be like us

I have been warned a few times that as our children grow, we will see ourselves in them. Yup, Keith and I are seeing it. For better or for worse.

The other day, my 4 year old daughter came out doing something that I don't even remember right now, but I remember her response to my question of why she was doing whatever it was.

"Because I want to be a mommy just like you."

How flattering and scary at the same time.

Her desire to follow in the role of wife, mother and keeper of the home is so strong. Even when Keith and I gently prod her to go out to the shop with "the boys", she says, "No, I have to stay up in the house with Mom." So we do laundry, wash dishes and whatever other chores I can think of.

My 3 year old son isn't quite as verbal, but I see Keith in him ALL THE TIME. He started laying under vehicles "fixing" them when he was 1 1/2 years old. Most recently I had to take the tank cover off the toilet so that he could see how it works. He stood there looking in the open tank and then wiggled the handle to see how it moved the lever inside, wanting to know what the float was and why there was water in there. A mechanic and "fixer" all the way.

How humbling to think that these miracles from God want to be like us.

But God, I'm not like You enough for them to mimick!

It is keeping me on my knees more and more.

Strength for the day

Yesterday seemed huge to me. It seemed even bigger when I hadn't had a very good night's sleep (the privilege of being a parent). I bundled up my tribe to go out and pick up 1/2 a beef that had been processed and then traveled to a different location to pick up 36 chickens. (At $1/lb for free range, already butchered and frozen chickens, it's hard to justify trying to raise them yourself). In between scheduled pick-ups, I had 1 hour and decided to go ahead and make the grocery store stop that Keith had previously offered to do for me. We went to the children's favorite store where they each had a child-sized cart to push. I had to stop them about every 20 seconds to help them get out of the way of others, remind them to stay behind me in a row, etc., but they had a wonderful time.

After stopping to say hello to "Daddy" at work, we made it home by 1:00 or so. We loaded up the freezer and then started making a turkey supper with all the fixings for a family that just had a new miracle born last week. I don't think that I sat down more than once or twice. This is unusual as my feet usually ache desperately after standing for a couple hours. Trying to organize and plan such a meal and have it all done and hot at the same time is hard for me in general, but there's an added dimension when you have to pack it all up and travel 40 minutes with it. Despite the challenge, we arrived at their house at 5:30, held and cooed over the pink bundle and left at 6:00.

On the way home, I was very aware that God in His mercy and grace walked with me through the day. It was one of the few times that I have truly recognized God's strength working through me because I was exhausted before the day had even begun. Normally when other's talk of God's strength for the day, I would think, "Sure, you can call it that, but really, you just put your mind to it and did it." I'm sure that has been my thought because that's what I have done so many times...and then crashed with exhaustion at the end of the day.

But today, it was as though God wanted to show me beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is possible to glean from His strength and it is so much better. I even told Keith when I got home about what God had shown me of His strength for the day and then added, "But I'll probably crash tonight!" God was smiling I'm sure because last night after cleaning up the kitchen following our meal, I went down to Keith's shop and we all helped paint his office. I even offered to finish up while Keith put the children to bed.

God is so good to so graciously give of His strength to make it through each day. I pray that this is the beginning of me learning how to receive such a gift regularly...for His glory.

Where are the churches...

Lord, where are the churches that are always open and never locked, whether people are inside or not? Where weary travelers in this foreign land can stop to rest and glean renewing strength from Your hand?

When did the definition of church change from a place to build each other up in things of You, to a copy of corporate America where numbers are more important than souls?

When did the emphasis turn from You to us and the songs became "me" focused instead of God centered?

When did the tangible buildings, programs and activities overshadow the intangible transformation of the heart?

When did the healing of the body become more important than the healing of the soul?

When did money become the symbol of a prosperous life?

When did suffering become anti-Christian?

I hear more and more examples of those who are earnestly seeking You Lord, and they are disheartened by church "staff" that are too busy or weary...where exciting, vibrant and comfortable services are advertised, but the soul is left empty. The true seekers desire meat versus milk. They desire true fellowship instead of a holiday party where smiles are pasted, but hearts ache...and no one talks about it.

Lord, please draw Your Remnant unto Yourself. In the midst of church, Inc., help those that are truly seeking You. Strengthen us to stand against the wave of trendy "Christianity". Help us to want You and only You.

Thank You for doing miracles every day, whether they are visible or invisible. Thank you for sending Your Son to die for us. Thank You. Thank You.

Amen.

Is this a boy thing, or is it just Monday?

I come from a long line of girls. My mom was the youngest of three girls and I was the oldest of three girls. In fact on my mom's side, there is only one cousin that is a boy. So you can imagine my surprise and fear when my second child was of the male species. I was in shock for some time after I heard those words, "It's a boy!" I remember going to pick up my infant from the crib for months afterward and thinking, "Oh, that's right, I REALLY have a son...but,I don't know how to raise a son!" Now that he is three, those thoughts don't come as often, but they still do come.

...Like a few days ago when he was casting a small rubber fish and it came flying within millimeters of my head. Later I was teaching phonics to my four year old and hadn't seen the fish come past me, but screetched when it was jolted back towards me while being reeled in. The next thing I remember was seeing my son climbing onto the desk and crawling behind the computer to regain this same fish which, due to horizontal velocity, had tangled itself up in the cords behind the tower.

Today was slow to get started it seemed. Mondays tend to be this way. Breakfast is at morning snack time, snack time is at lunch and lunch, well...

I finally got them to go to bed for naps. I was looking forward to doing some sewing when my son, yes the same one, comes running out of his room saying with his mouth part open and without moving his lips, "Mom, Mom, I have black stuff!"

Oh yes he did...black, oozing, disgusting looking innerds of a pen all over the inside and outside of his mouth. I race him to the bathroom wiping out his mouth with a washcloth, then run to get a cup. As I'm saying, "Just put some water in your mouth and SPIT IT OUT, don't swallow it, just SPIT IT OUT!", I notice my almost one-year-old with his hands in the toilet. Aaahhhh! I pick him up and wash off his hands, wishing my children would learn to put the toilet seat down.

When I think I have things under control a bit, I go to call Poison Control, wishing I had taken the time to post the phone number right by the phone last time I called. No, it's not toxic. Whew!

I go back to the bathroom to wipe out his mouth again when I find my youngest in the cupboard chewing on toilet paper rolls. New toy...

I usher my son off to bed again, when my daughter comes out of her room and asks what's all over his face. He said, "I wanted to see if that stuff in there was water, but it wasn't. It was just black!"

Grace and Truth

After an enjoyable trip seeing friends and family, we returned home to bitter cold weather. I guess it is December after all...

Some of Keith and my favorite things to do on a trip is read a book and listen to teaching tapes. This time, we read "The Grace and Truth Paradox" by Randy Alcorn. It's a short , but thought-provoking book.

And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth.
John 1:14

Oh, to realize the depravity of our sinful nature...truth.

Oh, to know that we can't earn salvation and it's only through the gift of the power of God that we can make godly decisions and walk in obedience to His Word out of love for Him...grace.

When we think that we "aren't so bad", we minimize our need or a saviour. The truth is that we are NOTHING without Christ, we deserve NOTHING.

The criminal on the cross that came to the saving faith in Christ knew he had nothing to offer. He couldn't earn his salvation...he couldn't move. He was vulnerable, at the end with no options, no glorious past, no future plans to help further God's kingdom.

In the same way, we have nothing, we are nothing.

On the other hand, what a slap in the face to God to not live the life we are called to as Christians out of a response of love and gratitude...to call ourselves His Beloved while frolicking in the lusts of our flesh.

If we are truly to be called His we have no other option but to be sold out to Him in minute by minute devotion to His will, heeding His call for our lives, willing to die to ourselves, our desires, our compromises, our rationalizations. If we truly love Him, this will not be drudgery. Yes, it may be challenging and the war within may rage, but it is nothing if we love Him wholly.

Being Thankful...Right Now

Holly over at ChoosingHome (click on side bar) recently wrote of "The Perspective of Grief". Another reminder of the frailty of our life on this earth and to be thankful for the "right now". If you read it, be ready to cry.

My mother told me that when my sisters and I were young, she told herself, "The day will come when the toys are always put away and the house is clean...and I won't like that either." How many times have I been reminded to enjoy the moment from those words!

So as my children make a "house" out of couch cushions, blankets, totes or whatever AGAIN, I am thankful. As they set up chairs in a row and play church, taking turns leading songs and preaching, I am thankful. As I read my Bible and find scribbling with my highlighters or sit at my sewing machine and see the marker artwork, I am thankful for my son. When my eyes rest again on the scrape in the new sheetrock, I am thankful because I am reminded of how my child tried to quietly move the chair by picking it up instead of pushing it along the floor. As I wipe up the spills on the stovetop, I am thankful for my daughter who wants to help. As I pick up the contents of our bookshelf, 3 feet and below, and put the books back for the umteenth time, I am thankful for my baby.

It seems that the older I get and the children grow, I cherish each moment more.

When my 11 month old was not feeling well and was only happy when I held him...so be it. I can clean later.

Sleeping with my 3 year old son when he was quite sick, was not a drudgery of mother responsibility.

When my children continually ask me to read them a story I love to oblige.

As my children squeal with glee as they take a horsey ride on Keith's back or tussle on the floor, I am thankful for a house full of joy...God's gracious answer to my prayers.

And, as we pack up the entire house, it seems, to drive 18 hours to see Grandpa, I am thankful.

Talk with you in a couple weeks!

Multi-generational mama wisdom

I will never forget the advice and wisdom that I was given a few years ago. My son, though a very happy child, was going through something...teething, stomach ache...something. As someone said recently about her daughter, he was not fit to be around.

In response to my story of woe, she told me of her experience with her first child. He was a few months old and was waking up every hour all through the day and night to nurse... and he nursed for half an hour. She, being a new mom, didn't know what to do. She was exhausted and on the verge of a nervous breakdown. He'd wake up screaming, she'd feed him and he'd stop screaming. "He must be hungry." She'd lay him down. He'd wake up 1/2 hour later screaming. She'd nurse him and he'd stop screaming. "He must have been hungry." Over and over and over.

She was relaying her story of woe to whom she called a "wise older lady", who said to her:

"I want you to go to the cemetary. Walk all through it... looking at all the gravestones, especially the ones of the children that died in infancy

...not a one of them died from crying."

She learned to train him to sleep longer between feedings. She was actually giving him a stomach ache from feeding him so often.

Lest you think that I took this advice as permission to not care and comfort my child, I am learning more and more about sacrifice on behalf of my children. That is God's plan for mothers...it's one of the ways He molds us, shapes us, prunes us, and bring's us closer to the image of Christ. My desires need to take a back seat. I need to place God, my husband and my children before myself. Dying to self...

That said, there are times in life (which seem like eternity at the time) in which my child cannot be comforted or needs to be trained to sleep for longer segments of time...and I am exhausted and can't think clearly anymore...I am reminded that he will not die from crying and after I get a short reprieve, I will be a much better mama.

Following Directions

I've started a larger project of late. Insulated curtains. It took me forever, it seemed, to measure, plan, and determine all the needed supplies (special material, rings, cord, pulleys, magnets, side-draw kit). I sweated over it many times. These are no simple gathered curtains. There is a specific way to make them such that they will "seal" around the window. Good idea. Good theory.

With gathered curtains, there is quite a bit of breathing room in which they will still look just fine. When the curtain has to fit the window perfectly, that's another story.

I finally got to the day that I felt fairly confident enough to place the order. So, with that done, I waited with semi-anticipation for the order. It's always exciting to get a package, but that would mean that I would have to start making these things and what if I messed them up to the point that I was short on materials?

Last week, Keith got the trim up on one window and there was no more procrastinating. I had to start. Even though I had probably read the directions a dozen times before ordering, I was just plain confused as to how they wanted me to cut this material. I called the company, but didn't get any solid explanation. Finally, I went ahead and cut it. I held it up at the window. "I think this looks right."

I was meticulous with the procedure and when I was done, I had every anticipation that they would work, although I couldn't understand why I had to have this extra 6" added on to the material, per instructions. After all, this company has been around for many years. Surely they have all the kinks out of their directions.

Keith and I measured the curtain width again before mounting. Something was very wrong. I had an extra 14+"! I was flabbergasted. "I followed the directions!" I couldn't exactly rip it out and start over. Imagine spray adhesive and "Steam-a-seam". As the curtains lay over the recliner and we were trying to figure out what to do, Keith said, "Well, they look real good." He's so supportive. We finally decided to cut the track the length that it was supposed to be, put the curtain up and see what it looked like. Not horrible, but not nice and flat like it is supposed to be.

On to curtain #2. I again break into a sweat as I read and re-read the directions on how to cut the size, trying to understand this elusive 6". Finally, the light bulb goes on. "Oh!!" No, I'm not supposed to have an extra 6". I just couldn't seem to comprehend it before. The directions weren't wrong. I didn't understand the directions. So, I'm off to make this next set, with a bit more confidence.

Many times it seems that reading the Bible is like that for me. I'll read a portion and really don't "get it". Sometimes I will take out a Bible dictionary or concordance and that helps bring it to light. Other times, I will be listening to my pastor, reading a book on the particular passage or topic, discussing it with Keith or others, or meditating on it. All of a sudden the bulb goes on and I can envision God saying with a smile, "We...have...CONTACT!"

The Bible wasn't wrong, I just didn't understand the "directions" before. How thankful I am for the Holy Spirit to help bring to light the grace and truth in God's Word that brings life eternal.

Recently I heard a suggestion for personal devotion time. The speaker described his devotional format from over the last year. He picked a portion of Scripture, usually at least a chapter, and read it over and over and over for a week or two. At first it seemed mundane to him. Then after the 3rd or 4th day, a bright glow would inevitably form as the light bulb came on and he would say, "I didn't see that before!"

I understand the feeling.

Failing Well

Almost every parent I know wants to learn how to parent better. We want to instill Godly character and help our children learn of the Lord and help to guide them in the ways of Truth. We want them to love God and love others, be a light in the spiritual darkness and a role model such that they would help others up instead of pull them down. We want them to be compassionate and generous no matter how tired they are.

Most often, the counsel is, "Your children will observe you. You need to be the example." So, if they see despair, they will learn despair. If they see anger, they will learn to be angry. If they see compassion, they will learn to be compassionate. If they see hope, they will learn to be hopeful. Can't disagree with this...I have seen it. In fact, this has been one of my biggest frustrations about myself. If I don't respond correctly, how can I expect them to respond correctly?

But, what if it was possible for parents to be absolutely perfect in their responses and reactions from the time the children were born. Would the children grow up to be perfect?

Of course not.

This was asked one time during one of these discussions and it brought about the point that each person has to grow to make good and Godly decisions on their own. We are all fallen creatures needing a Savior, born with a sinful nature needing redemption.

So then, the question becomes, what would be a better example, even than being the "perfect" parent? Our conclusion was that we, as parents, need to learn how to fail well.

It takes a lot of humility to say, "I'm sorry. I was wrong. Will you forgive me?" to your 4 year old, but what are they learning? They are learning that we all fail and when we do, we need to repent and ask for forgiveness. They begin to be exposed to how to forgive. They start to learn why we all need a Savior.

My children have always forgiven me. No matter how difficult it may be to humble myself and admit that I was wrong, it feels so good afterward... and I'm glad they see that.

Addendum

I need to made an addendum to the post that I wrote earlier today. Honestly, I was just listing off things that people may do to deliver God's gifts to us. I didn't have any particular situation in mind, yet God does have a sense of humor and is always looking for ways to bless us. So today when I was leaving Walmart and was pushing one cart and pulling another (which I do VERY frequently it seems), one of the employees in the parking lot that collects carts saw me and offered to push one of my carts to the car! This has never happened before. Yes, I thanked him and yes, I made sure to thank the Lord for His gift.

The delivery man

Over the past week or so, we have had a lot of delivery trucks come to our house. There is a flurry of excitement every time that brown box truck comes into our driveway. The children can't get to the door fast enough. In amongst the needed supplies have been a few items for them. Even though I have tried to explain how deliveries are made (start at a store/warehouse/house, travels on a truck, goes to another warehouse, then another truck or plane, and eventually driven to our house), my son is still convinced that the delivery man gave it to us. I guess he is right. The delivery man did hand it to us with a smile. The UPS man has also had a few different names. Yesterday he was the "ABC man". This morning my 3 year old said emphatically, "The CPS man gave it to us!" He's getting closer...

Come to think of it, I often confuse the deliverer with the Giver. There is a definite place to thank those that deliver the gifts given from the "Giver of all good things". What if that person would not have been willing to deliver the word of encouragement, the meal or the helping hand in pushing the extra cart out to the car? But I often forget that the gift originated at the inexhaustible warehouse of our Heavenly Father.

May I never forget to thank the Giver even more than the deliverer.

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above,
and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither
shadow of turning.

James 1:17

Where I want to be

About a week ago, an older wise man made a statement after unforeseen events altered his plans:

"I have come to the point in my life that it really doesn't matter whether the Lord did it or allowed Satan to do it. God is still in control either way."

I have been pondering that ever since...not that I haven't heard similar statements before, but it was seen in a new light.

Later that morning while singing "In Heavenly Love Abiding" a phrase in the first verse strongly gripped me:

"The storm may roar without me"

There are many storms that Satan would desire to consume our entire being... every thought, every action, every word...but you know what? The storm may roar without me! I don't need to be consumed by it. No wonder we are told in Scripture to take captive every thought to the obedience of Christ and to think on those things that are pure, trustworthy and of good report. God knows that we are tempted to put our focus on earthy things and not on HIM. Praise Him, Thank Him, sing of the truths of His Word.

I've been told that there is a proverb that states, "We cannot keep the birds from flying overhead, but we can keep them from building a nest in our hair."

To me, that is the essence of taking every thought captive. Satan will hurl thoughts, but if we allow ourselves to muse over them, the nest is beginning to be built.

I know that as a wife and mother, it takes my entire being to be in tune with HIM in order for me to do what he has called me to do and be who he has called me to be. When I allow myself to get sidetracked, that calling suffers.

No matter what happens in my day, I desire to say, "It doesn't matter whether God did it or He allowed Satan to do it. God is in control either way!"

The move- Part 8 of my testimony

Married life was wonderful. I had started working part-time hours and loved the extra time to do what I wanted at home. We started remodeling the basement and enjoyed just being together.

In February, I found a piece of land for sale in the paper in the area that we were interested in. Keith and I thought that it would be a few years before we would move, but I called on it just for fun. After talking with the realtor, I realized that this particular one wouldn't fit what we wanted, but he described another property that really did. After talking with Keith, we decided to make a whirlwind trip up to see it. (You see, I had to sing at a wedding on Saturday afternoon and we were going to drive up to see the land on Saturday morning.) So we got up at 3:00 AM to drive the 6 or so hours up there. It was a fun trip, but we knew that we had entered the "boondocks" about half-way there! We had never been to the Red River Valley before. Fields stretched forever it seemed and it was beautiful in its own way. When we got there, I have to say that it was frightfully cold. The wind blew hard on that flat terrain, but we became attached very quickly to the ~160 acre old farmstead with a large lawn of mature oak trees, outbuildings, and river. We were on a tight time schedule, so we didn't get as good a look at the place as we would have liked and the realtor told us that there was already an offer on it but it had contingencies. So, if we had the money, we could get it first. We didn't want to make a rash decision, yet really liked the property. We drove home talking over the possibilities and thinking of our dreams.

I wasn't kidding when I said that we were on a tight schedule. We drove right to the wedding and we were none too early. I went in and Keith waited for me in the car with our new puppy that we had brought along for the trip.

After talking over our dilema, a friend told Keith, "God leads, Satan pushes". That advice has stayed with us ever since. We did feel pushed to make a quick decision as there was already an offer on the place, yet there wasn't peace about it. So, Keith decided that we would let it go and if we were supposed to have the property, the other offer would fall through and it would be available later.

In April, I had an opportunity to direct a choir from our church for an Easter "concert". I had never done anything like it before, and was stressful, but tons of fun too. While practicing after church on Sundays, Keith would wait for me. One day he got a paper and was just thumbing through it. Sure enough, the property was in the paper. It had never been advertised before. We called on it and it indeed was the same property and the other offer had fallen through! We made an appointment the next weekend to go up and see it again.

This time, Keith's parents came with us and we stopped half-way up at a motel on Friday to break up the trip. We arrived "up north" early on Saturday and Keith wanted to stop in at a few dealerships to scout out any potential jobs as an auto mechanic. The first place we stopped, he was offered a job. Keith was a bit in shock and we were all amazed. We got to the property and looked and looked and looked at EVERYHING we could think of. We saw many of the imperfections of the place, yet we also saw the possibilities. When Keith asked me if I thought we should make an offer, I said yes, but inside I wanted a lightning rod sign from God that this was His will and not an emotional decision. So I made a silent request to God for a rainbow so that I would know that this was from Him.

Needless to say, I was a nervous wreck all the way to the restaurant where we were going to sit down with the realtors to make the offer. My neck got sore looking out the window for a rainbow. We got to the restaurant and I looked throughout the sky until I went through the door. We got to our table and sat down. I couldn't sit down for more than 30 seconds. I excused myself and went back outside. While looking into the sky again, I felt God tell me that I knew that He was directing us in this direction and I needed to rest in that and not look for confirmation after confirmation. I went back inside and sat down with more peace.

After the paperwork was completed, we drove home, not sure what was going to happen. It's an interesting spot to be in. You start allowing dreams to develop, yet don't want to for fear that hopes will be dashed and the offer denied.

Thankfully, we didn't have to wait long. Sunday afternoon, we got the call from the realtor that our offer was accepted. Keith was talking to him. I had deduced from Keith's side of the conversation that we had a green light. While he was just finishing the phone call, I looked out the window and there was a small, but distinctive rainbow!! I was estatic! God was so good to give me that gift even though He had asked me to take a step of faith first. We drove over to Keith's brother's house to tell them what had transpired, but before I could tell about the rainbow, Keith's sister-in-law said, "I saw the most BEAUTIFUL rainbow while driving home. Did you see it?" I surely had...

Closing on the property was on May 1st. But before this, we found out that I was pregnant. We were so excited. I ate quite a few crackers to get me through those months. We had permission to begin moving things up to the new house before the closing as the house was empty. Keith remembers those drives up with boxes with such fondness. I remember nausea. We set up our extra bed in the large kitchen because we wanted to do some work in the other rooms. There we were, having our weekend get-away at our soon-to-be home, watching a movie on a small, portable TV and lying in our bed in the kitchen.

We made multiple trips up to the property, but I remember one in particular... We had bought an older one ton suburban that could "haul anything" according to Keith. As we were on the freeway after a couple hours of driving, we kept smelling gasoline. I mentioned it a few times, but Keith didn't act concerned. I thought, "He's the mechanic. He knows, so I better just let it go." Every once in awhile he would "think outloud" saying what the smell could be from. I started to relax, but unbeknownst to me, Keith was getting more concerned. All of a sudden, he pulled over onto a litte side road and up into a field. He jumped out and crawled under the suburban. The previous owners had cut off the tailpipe and the end was directly under the gas tank. Keith has very tough hands, full of callouses, but this thing was extremely hot and he couldn't get near it. He had to take a pry bar to bend the pipe away from the gas tank. He could hear liquid gurgling. We had a full tank of boiling gasoline! The gas was so hot that the vapors caused a relief valve in the gas cap to open...hence the smell of gas. I have come to learn that hot liquid gasoline is not as explosive as gasoline vapor and it was good that we had a full tank of liquid gas so that there wasn't as much room for gasoline vapor, but we were both full of thankfulness to the Lord that we didn't blow up on the freeway that day...because we easily could have.

Now the question was, should we try to sell our house in the "Cities" ourselves or use a realtor? We decided to use a realtor. We contacted one and the momentum started immediately. I mentioned that we were remdeling the basement before. Now we were in high gear. The realtor was very helpful in showing us what things to focus on and what to not worry about. I worked like crazy while home alone and Keith and I worked like crazy in the evenings. The realtor came to fill out paperwork to officially list our home. She said to me, "Things may move faster than you think you are ready for, but I think that you ARE ready." As we were signing papers, she said that she had had a call that day and the people were looking for a house just like ours. She described our property and they had wanted to come that evening, but she told them that she couldn't do that as she was meeting with us that evening to officially sign papers to get it listed. She did give them our address so that they could look at it from the road.

Sure enough, sitting from our dining room table we could see the road. We saw a vehicle drive S-L-O-W-L-Y past, turn around, and drive S-L-O-W-L-Y back...and then drive into our driveway! My heart started pounding. The realtor talked to them at the door and then she called up to me, "Remember what I said about being ready?"

"Yeah"

"How about a showing tomorrow morning?"

What could I say but, "yep".

After the prospective buyers left, we all looked at each other and couldn't believe that these people were quite so bold.

After the realtor left, Keith and I worked on adrenaline. We still had masking tape on baseboards where we had been doing some last-minute painting and sheetrock dust was everywhere it seemed. We did the best we could and went to bed physically and emotionally exhausted.

The next morning, we both left for work. Keith got a call at work around 10:30. Our house had sold in 2 hours for the asking price!

Now, the ball really started rolling. We had a date at which we had to be out of our home. We put in our notices at work and began packing with purpose and frenzy.

The closing for selling our home in the "Cities" was in June. When you go into a closing, you never quite know what the ending dollar amounts are going to be because of realtor's fees, fees that the seller is responsible for, etc. So...we didn't know exactly how it would all turn out. After all the paperwork was signed and checks were in hand, we realized that we were within $50 of the cost of the property "up north".

We moved up to our new home after being married for 7 months, awaiting our first child and debt free. God WAS and IS SO GOOD!

Whenever we question whether God wanted us to move, we think of His miraculous ways. Just as God directed in the Old Testament to make altars of stone to remember what He had done, we also want to remember and never forget His direction and provision for us. Writing this is part of our stone altar of remembrance.

The wedding-Part 7 of my testimony

One other tidbit that I remembered and wanted to include in preparations for the wedding... I honestly can't tell you right now how I met her, the lady that was to make the bridesmaid dresses. I think that I just saw her at a fabric store or picked up her business card or something...I don't even remember her name. Anyway, I wanted dusty rose dresses and couldn't find any ready-to-order ones that were in the right color or the right style, so I decided that I was going to have someone make them. I called this lady and met her at the fabric store after I got lost and had to make multiple phone calls to her and Keith to figure out where I was going. Finally I got there, quite late, and we picked out the material and finalized plans for the dresses. The material had to be ordered.

A couple weeks later, she called me and said, "The material is backordered and I really don't think that it will get here in time for me to make the dresses." Now what?? I called my Mom and she rushed to the largest town near her, going to every bridal shop she could find. Bless her heart, she saved the day when she called and described a simple, but elegant dress in a wine/burgundy color. "Sounds just fine", I said and that was it. The dresses were ordered. The only question was, how was everyone going to get the dresses altered? My one sister that was near my Mom was easy. She could get the dress and bring it to a neighbor's house. My other sister was in Colorado in college and my maid-of-honor was not close either. There wasn't time to mail the dresses to them for alterations where they were. It ended up that this seamstress that was going to make the dresses in the first place ended up doing alterations on Thursday night before the wedding. I vaguely remember sitting in the basement of her home with my sister and friend, being totally exhausted as we waited for the dresses to be completed. Things were becoming quite a blur.

Friday, November 5th arrived with tons of driving to pick up this and that and set up at the reception hall. Late that afternoon, was the rehearsal. I had been blessed with three bridal showers and therefore had enough bows for myself and all three of my bridesmaids to have bow bouquets to carry that night. Probably the most memorable moment from the rehearsal was when Keith and I were practicing our vows. While saying mine, I became totally overwhelmed with all that was about to happen and after completing the last sentence exclaimed, "HOLY BUCKETS!" Pastor Alan had the funniest look on his face and everyone burst our laughing.

The rehearsal dinner was very nice and after that Keith and I went back to the reception hall with my Dad for a private dance. Since we weren't going to have a dance at our wedding reception, I wanted to have a "dance with Dad" the night before. Dad had a small tape player with and set it up on the table. It wasn't a long event, but it was special to have that time with Dad. Despite all that had happened while growing up, the divorce, his moving away, and everything else, I will always have an ache in my heart for my Daddy.

Finally November 6th arrived. We got to the church early to fix hair, etc. We did have pictures done before the ceremony, but before this, Keith and I had a special time seeing each other for the first time that day, all dressed for the wedding. This started the giddiness that continued for the entire day. Pictures seemed to go on forever, making sure we had every combination of people possible, yet afterward we still found out that one was missed. My cheeks were starting to hurt, yet I couldn't stop smiling.

Since praise and worship music was such a part of my life, I had the praise and worship team play before and after the wedding. They were to play "Take Me In" (Take me past the outer courts, into the Holy place, past the brazen altar...) right before another song before the processional-yes I had LOTS of music planned! Anyway, they started early and/or we weren't ready in the back... they played that song probably 10 times or more. We found out later that they were getting quite tired of the song and when they were getting to the end and needed to start over AGAIN, they would despirately look at each other and figure out who could do a solo this time or whether to do an instrumental rendition. Of course Keith and I were totally oblivious. Wedding coordinators are actually quite helpful. She just told us who was to go when and where...very good thing when you have a giddy bride and groom.

Finally I was walking down the isle holding arms with my mom on one side and my dad on the other. Then came the part of the ceremony that made Keith more nervous than anything else. After Pastor Alan asked "Who gives this woman..." and my dad said "we do", Keith had to lift up my veil and lay it back over my head. He sweated over this moment for a week, but it went without a hitch.

Then was the solos by my sister and a friend, the song led by the praise and worship team and the message on "covenant". The vows went perfectly, the lighting of the candles, giving roses to parents. Then I was able to sing a song to Keith, written by another gifted friend. Keith had a card with the words in his pocket, but they came to mind so easily, it was as if no one else was in the room except Keith, myself and our Lord. Afterward, Pastor Alan had to make sure that everyone noticed that my new last name was written behind this song in the ceremony program. When he said this, I punched the air in excitement. I could hold it in no longer!

Another moment that Keith and I had been waiting for...see, Keith and I never kissed on the lips before that moment and many people at the wedding knew this. There was whooping and hollering when Pastor Alan said, "Keith, you may kiss the bride". Let's just say that it was a memorable moment as well, especially because laughing and smiling and kissing are hard to do all at once!

We practically skipped down the aisle after we were pronounced Mr. and Mrs.

The reception was another time of blur, greeting guests, feeding each other cake, kissing to the clang of glasses, "speeches" by those in the wedding party, friends and family, each retelling memories and stories. Larry and Wilma spoke as well as the couple that had gone through the vow of purity with me. I was able to read aloud the plaque that stated the vow that I had made.

By the end of the evening, we were elated and exhausted and VERY ready for our first night together as husband and wife.

If there is anything that we remember about our wedding day, it was just how much fun we had. God felt so near that day and the entire event was surrounded in pure joy. But the giddiness! It's almost hard to watch the video!! :)

The next day was the gift opening. I love gifts in general, so this was a special treat for me. Then it was time for last-minute packing for the drive to Colorado for our honeymoon. We had a cabin in the mountains and it was wonderful.

When we came back from our honeymoon, we weren't sure what was in store for us. We knew that someday we wanted to move out of the "Cities" to raise the family that we hoped to have. We looked at a map of Minnesota and pointed to the northwest corner. "That looks like a good place to live." Neither of us had ever been there. Little did we know what God had in mind and the miraculous events that were about to happen...

The proposal and engagement- Part 6 of my testimony

Larry and Wilma were continuing to be in the picture. They went with us to a nearby lake that had a walking path around it and we all walked and talked during a beautiful Sunday afternoon. It was here that we had our first picture taken together.

Larry invited us to come with them to go fishing. Keith had a 1977 Chevy pickup that he had had since he was 15 and had restored pretty much the entire thing. It was painted shimmery gold and had a lift kit in it. We took that truck to the lake. We were driving on the freeway on the north side of the "Cities" and sang to each other the Alabama's song, "How Do You Fall In Love?" with the windows open. It is a song asking how to know when to make the decision to get married. Keith was planning on asking Larry that day his opinion about Keith proposing to me.

The fishing was tons of fun and we got another picture of us smiling from ear to ear with our fishing poles in the water. We all went back to their house and while Larry and Keith were downstairs cleaning the fish, Keith talked to him. I was upstairs with Wilma and was nervous as well, wondering what Larry would advise. Well, let's just say that Larry thought that it would be wonderful if Keith proposed. After they got upstairs, we had a joyous meal of fish and talked about more marriage issues and we received more valuable advice.

But...Keith told me that the actual proposal date was to be a surprise. It drove me crazy!!!

On May 7, 1999, I went over to Keith's house. I had a terrible headache and was lying on the couch. I was surprised with a dozen roses, but because of the headache, I was clueless as to what was about to happen. After an hour or so, the headache started to lighten. That's when he asked me to come in the other room with him. There he had another dozen roses and a jewelry box of his grandmother's that he had refinished and put our picture on from our walk around the lake. Inside was the engagement ring. Keith knelt down on one leg and asked me if I would marry him. Of course I enthusiastically said, "YES!!"

Things started to spin at this point. How soon could we get married? Keith felt that we should wait 6 months, so we agreed upon November 6th. The whirr of plans and preparation took over. There were so many details.

We went to pre-marriage counseling and because we had gone through "The Secret of Loving" already, there was little that we hadn't already discussed, and we received full blessing from Hal Baumchen.

There were some bumps in the road as far as I was concerned. A person can't have a history like mine without any consequences. I went to some counseling sessions and worked through many things. Keith graciously came with when asked and was extremely supportive.

Another thing that I did before the wedding day was spend two days at a place called Pacem in Terris. There are prayer cabins here for individuals only, no couples or parent/child. Just me and God. It was a 8' x 12' single-room cabin that housed a single bed, short counter with a jug of water and basin, gas lamp, rocking chair and small table and a huge window looking out into the woods. There was also a small screened-in "lean-to" with a hanging swing. There was an outhouse a short distance from the set of 3 cabins where I was staying. I was brought a basket with fruit and a small loaf of bread that was left in a wooden box outside the door. That was my food for the day. I saw one person while I was there when I went on a walk on a path through the woods, but there was no talking as that was the rules after the gate was passed into the area for the cabins. It was here that I did much reading, sleeping, praying, confessing and repenting.
I returned from that weekend changed in subtle, but lasting ways.

November 6th was soon arriving. Pastor Alan, our pastor at the time, had said on occasion, "God moves slow, but fast." That is how it felt. It took forever, it seemed, for the wedding day to arrive, yet as it did, things went SO fast.

Finally, it was November 5th...

The courtship-Part 5 of my testimony

I found out later that Keith was sure that I was planning on me saying that I didn't want to see him again, so he left the church service before it ended to avoid the conversation. Yet, he was confused because he said that I looked happy and excited to see him. At any rate, after the service, I was dismayed that he was gone.

The next cell group meeting came and Keith was there but seemed a bit uncomfortable and reserved. I found out later that he was trying to read my face the whole time. As we were heading to our cars afterward, I started the conversation. I explained why I needed to talk to him and the recommendation to have a couple to be accountable with. I didn't know what he would say to it. He looked at me and said, "Who are you thinking of?" I told him who and he agreed to ask them. I was beginning to get dizzy with excitement.

We set up a day to meet with Larry and Wilma. I had known them for quite a few years and greatly respected and admired them and their walk with the Lord. They asked Keith question after question and then said that they felt very comfortable with us "seeing" each other and that they would be willing to be accountable to. Keith and I went out to our vehicles and I took out a couple books on courtship. One in particular was, "Passion and Purity" by Elisabeth Elliot. I explained that I had wanted to court ever since I learned about it after the covenant the I had made with the Lord. He agreed.

A week or two later, Keith was extremely sick. I really didn't even realize at the time how sick he was, but he did say that he didn't do anything except sit in his recliner chair and read Elisabeth Elliot's book from cover to cover.

We started talking on the phone for hours each night and were learning about each other as fast as we could. We then decided to start writing emails and not talk on the phone as much. I had read something about how writing brings out a different perspective that can be informative and valuable. We did this for some time and I still have those treasured letters. Soon, the phone became the communication of choice again. :)

I'll never forget the time we drove down to my aunt and uncles house. On the way home, we held hands for the first time. It just happened. Our hands were getting sweatier with each mile, but neither of us would let go!

I then had the opportunity to move into the basement of some people I had met. The weekend of the move was the first time that my mom and sisters met Keith. It was an exciting and busy weekend. Later that week, he came over to my new residence to install a phone line. He came in overalls and I was head-over-heels in love... quite sure that he was "the one".

We went to Underwater World at the Mall of America one time and went to the airport to watch the planes take off and land another time. As they say, it really didn't matter where we were, just that we were together.

We decided that it was wise to limit how often we were together as desires were growing in each of us. A weekly date night was set up and we started going through Josh McDowell's book "The Secret Of Loving" while sitting at Baker's Square restaurant. We were to prepare one chapter for each date and then discuss it. It was an excellent book for us to examine tons of marital and relationship issues from family to money to values.

We talked about everything it seemed. I was more than ready to be engaged. So would he ask me to marry him??

Meeting "him"-Part 4 of my testimony

I felt like I was living on my own for the first time in my life. No longer was I in a dorm room, living with friends while doing internships for occupational therapy, or living with anyone. It was a strange mixture of feeling lonely and independent. So, I tried to keep busy.

I was attending a "cell group" from our church, which is like a Bible study with the added focus of fellowship and accountability. One evening in mid-December 1998, this guy came that was the brother of one of the cell group members. My eyes turned, but I made myself not think about it too much.

A couple weeks later I was on a cruise with my sisters and my dad. I found out later that Keith finally worked up the nerve to call and ask me if I wanted to go out on a date, but I was not there. After I returned, he called again and I said that I would like to go on a date. It was January 17, 1999, and he was going to come to my church for the service and then we would go out to eat after that. His brother had recommended a neat Italian restaurant, so that was the plan. Unfortunately, he didn't know that it wasn't open on Sunday noon. He was beginning to get nervous when he returned to the truck after checking the hours sign on the door. We decided on a different retaurant and drove there. This one was closed due to having an employee day to watch the Vikings play the NFC championship football game. By this time, he was really nervous and embarressed. We went to the Olive Garden after this. It was open and we had a splendid time. Yes, I was nervous and felt out-of-breath at times talking to him, yet in many ways I was very at ease. It seemed like we could talk about everything and there wasn't any uncomfortable silences. He brought me back to the church parking lot. He was going to give me a kiss on the cheek. I said no. The he said, "Can I give you a hug?" I agreed to a side hug. I will admit that I was a bit guarded about relationships and didn't want to mess this one up by starting off too quickly.

When I got home, I called the couple that had counseled me regarding past relationships and had walked me through the covenent of purity until marriage. I told them that I really needed to talk to them as I had met "this guy". They were able to meet with me soon. I poured out my excitement and reservations about myself being ready for a relationship. They counseled me to choose a couple from the church that we both respected to mentor us and for us to be accountable to. "If this guy is worth any consideration, he will think this is a good idea. If he isn't, he won't want anything to do with it."

The next Sunday, Keith came to church and briefly talked to me before I had to go up to start praise and worship. He asked me if I would want to go out on another date. I knew that I needed to talk to him about the advice that I was given to have a couple mentor us, but there wasn't time right then, so I said, "Well, I have to talk to you about something first." His face fell, but there was nothing I could do, they were waiting for me up front. Before the service was totally ended, he had left.

Cozy days

For those of you that may be waiting for further episodes from my testimony...they will return after this post. :)

Fall...I love this time of year. We have had beautiful colors on the leaves and now they are starting to fall off. The temperatures are falling. I look forward to the last of the ragweed freezing and my allergies subsiding over winter.

Last night, we told our children that it may snow overnight. Our daughter was so excited. She kept talking about it and woke up looking out the window at...no snow. Then later this morning, even though it didn't show up on the weather radar, it starting snowing amongst the rain. This was all my daughter needed. She was off to get dressed in snowpants and all. It was short-lived and now all evidence that it even thought of snowing is gone. The sun is out.

Yet it is still chilly, so I sit in my snug, warm house and rinse dishes with our "free" hot water thanks to our outdoor wood boiler running since last weekend. Our concrete floor is now warm for bare feet. Hot water pipes going through concrete is a wonderful invention for heat.

I have an Autumn arrangement on the island counter in the kitchen and made my new favorite lunch of tomato avocado sandwiches. Thanks to generous friends, we have garden fresh tomatoes that go wonderfully on top of Miracle Whip spread bread...avocado slices, cheese and sprinkled basil on top. Broil the open-face sandwich to melt cheese and mmmmm!

Our 10 month old is getting around quite nicely-too nicely at times and puts absolutely everything in his mouth. I have raced him to a minute piece of paper, crayon or wrapper on many occasions. When he has gotten to the "prize" first, I have the privileged of doing the finger swipe that we are taught in CPR class. I told my husband that I don't remember our other children putting things in their mouths quite this bad. He states that they did, but then reminds me that we now have two older "helpers" that leave trails of things behind them. I have also had to save our crawling magnet from eminent danger from a falling piano bench. Who needs to play softball and slide into base when you can dive across the living room floor instead?

He is starting to put his head down when he crawls with purpose toward his goal...an open door, the open dishwasher, or down the hallway to where Mom is. Reminds me of buffalo that are charging at each other. He is quite like his older sister who did this. When she learned to run, which was simultaneous with walking, she would lean into the corners of the house at breakneck speed. I am trying to prepare myself for a repeat of that.

Earlier today we went outside while it was "snowing" to put away the last of sand toys, and rescued my son's "digger" for inside play over the winter. Now the children are supposedly sleeping, it's quiet and cozy.

I love the Fall...

College Years- Part 3 of my testimony

I got my first car during my third year of college. It was a little Ford Festiva stick shift. I loved it! I finally looked up the church that I was invited to from people I met on the mission trip to Mexico. It was a Charismatic church and I was soon invited to be part of the praise and worship team. After I had left Music therapy, I realized how immeshed performance was in my singing. I had decided that I wasn't going to sing if that was all it was. I didn't sing for a year or so. Now I was wanting to only to sing for the Lord. The praise and worship team seemed to be the ticket. You can't sing on a praise and worship team for performance can you? Even though I didn't want to admit it at the time, performance again crept in as I sang in front of the congregation.

Do I look like I'm in the presence of the Lord? If I look like I'm in the presence of the Lord, it will help everyone else be in the presence of the Lord.
Smile, remember to smile...their watching.
Am I on top of that tone? I can't be flat.
I can't hear myself in my speaker. I have to hear myself! How will I know if the balance is right?
I need to sing that descant a little louder so it can be heard.
On and on it went...

I got to know another couple from church and was talking with them about continued struggles in dealing with past relationships. They spent many hours with me in their home. I will never forget what they finally said. "Heidi, there's nothing more we can do for you. You need to decide whether you are going to live with one foot in the world and one foot in the Kingdom or totally live for the Lord." After a couple months of soul searching, I returned to them to let them know that I decided to totally live for the Lord. They then had a "covenant" ceremony with me in which I promised to live s-xually pure until marriage. I lived up to that covenant.

Despite all this, I still became part of an emotionally unhealthy relationship with another woman. I wanted someone to confide in and to "take care of me". She did that. I eventually graduated from college with my degree and moved in with her.

I was able to get an on-call position at a local rehabilitation facility that later turned into a full-time position. I loved that job. I worked with those with spinal cord injuries and congenital disabilities such as cerebral palsy and spina bifida. I also learned technology for environmental access for those with spinal cord injuries and Lou Gehrig's disease. In many ways, that job was another of God's gift to me.

During this time, a spiritual leader, after I had confided about my situation, told me in no uncertain terms that I needed to move out from living in the home with this woman...NOW. I got an apartment. I was lonely, yet felt that this was right. But now what?

College years-Part 2 of my testimony

I went to college for Music Therapy. Music has always been, and continues to be a major part of my, and my family's, life. I was in music contests every spring. My mother faithfully would support me and accompany me as needed while I was in vocal and flute contests. I was in band and choir. I learned that performance was everything. Appearance was everything.

So, it seemed to everyone that I should go to college for music. I really wanted therapy. Music therapy was my compromise.

College was a struggle for me. I was a loner and was lingering in a secretive relationship. Depression engulfed me. I would go to class and then return to my dorm room and sleep, just to "get away from it all". Music theory class was exceptionally difficult. I have been told that it is one of the most difficult things to learn. I was pretty much a straight A student in high school. Now my grades were slipping. I couldn't handle that. Finally, my music therapy teacher suggested that I consider occupational therapy.

It was also during this time that I was invited to a Christian get-away weekend with my cousin at her college. I was touched and it was here that I told the Lord that I was giving Him my life. I had a new hunger for the Lord and started participating in a Bible study. I went to work on a dude ranch in Montana after that first year of college. I wanted to "start over" in many areas and a physical change did really help to make a clean cut. I got a mountain bike and started riding. When I was told about a Christian family that had a Bible study, I rode the 10 or so miles to their house on my day off to introduce myself to Gary and Leta Morton. This started a friendship that has remained to this day. They were spiritual parents to me and I needed it despirately.

Back at college, I found a ride to an Assembly of God church and ended up meeting a lady who is an occupational therapist there. I went to observe her at work and decided to make a change in my major. This meant changing colleges, so I started searching.

Things were starting to turn around for me. I met a friend during my second year of college that is still a good friend today. She is just plain goofy, loves the Lord, and exactly the type of person that I needed to help me learn how to enjoy life.

Unfortunately, this is also the time that I finally realized that things were not going so well at home. My parents had had issues for years apparently. I was oblivious at the time, being so wrapped up in my own life. Now, things were at a crossroads for them. My dad eventually moved out.

I found a college that had occupational therapy. I applied and was accepted. Looking back, everything went so smoothly. It was as though the Lord carried me through this transition.

The summer after my second year of college, I was able to go on a mission trip to Mexico with YWAM. It was here that our group was meshed with a group from a church in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area. Since I was going to be moving there when I transitioned to my second college, they invited me to look them up.

I started college on a new campus for my third year. My parents finalized their divorce and my dad asked me to help him move 4 states away. Even if unintentional, I felt in the middle of my parents. It was awful. When at my dad's new residence, I met another man and started yet another unhealthy relationship. The distance was God's grace. The relationship ended after a few months, but I was battered. I thought I was a Christian. What was I doing? Was I ever saved in the first place?

Beginnings- Part 1 of testimony

Being inspired by "Just a Daisy in the Meadow" and her husband's blog, "In His Image", I've been encouraged to share my journey with the Lord. This may come in increments due to length, but hopefully will be an encouragement to you as well.

Growing up in a small town in Wisconsin, I remember playing at "Ford Tractor" that my dad co-owned. We'd swing on the hanging chains that were meant to hold up engines while rolling on creepers that the mechanics used to slide under the tractors. We had a fort on top of my dad's office and we invariably came home black with grit and grease. These were the days when I would ride with Dad in the implement truck down to Iowa to get a new tractor and jump over and over in the piles of leaves that my mom had raked in our back yard in the Fall. I remember taking swimming lessons in our town lake and shivering beyond recovery it seemed, especially the older I became as my lessons were scheduled earlier in the mornings. Roller skating on the road with my friend was fun, but blacktop is not the smoothest thing to skate on and my legs would tingle for and hour afterward from the constant vibration. Those were the days of me driving our skidsteer out to our land outside the city limits to cut wood and riding our horse, Dandy.

I grew to love riding bike and raced along the road near our house so fast that neighbors told my parents that they thought that I would have a mighty crash someday. I did have some spills, but none that I remember being very significant.

In high school, I hung out with the "shop guys" and eventually started dating one. He loved his Chevy stepside pickup and dragracing. I was along for the ride. I remember wrenches flying across the old barn that he used for his garage when the carburator was not adjusted correctly AGAIN. He liked to snowmobile, but it always seemed to make him angry when it wouldn't work right or it quit.

I walked with him through the woods as he hunted for pheasant. I had never been hunting before. When he shot one, I had to carry it back. I really didn't like the idea of carrying it, especially when it apparently wasn't totally dead and it moved! I screamed...I couldn't help it. When we got home, he set it on the step until his mom was ready to cook it. We happened to look out the window to see a fox running across the field with it in it's mouth. He was mighty upset, let me tell you!

When he said that he wanted to get married after we had dated for 2 1/2 years, I panicked a bit. I had stayed in the relationship for convenience, not for love. I always had somewhere to go and someone to be with while I dated him, but I didn't love him and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that we were not to be married.

I also worked at a local meat market at this time and so my time was full with dating and working. I felt needed and appreciated at work and was very devoted. I didn't care how many hours I put in and I would even look for additional things to do so I didn't have to leave. In some ways it felt like home. After I made the final break from dating, I put even more time into work and started drinking.

The ironic thing was that I was also the youth group leader at my church and was in the church choir. I remember people telling me there what a model Christian I was. I was a bit proud of myself that I could live two worlds so well and apparently fool everyone. I will never forget Margaret Olson though. She was one of the adult leaders of our youth group and battled with cancer. She passed away, but I remember that she was the one who helped me memorize Psalm 23 and there was something special about how she talked about heaven...

Organization gone too far

I love to organize. If it isn't organized, I've been known to lay awake at night figuring out a plan to put it in order. People have actually tried to count how many containers I have and have given up.

It's been a gradual process of finding the perfect strategy to access items quickly and efficiently in each corner, cupboard, shelf or closet. Containers, baskets or file cabinets have been some of my favorite gifts.

My current plan is to try my hand at building a rolling file cabinet/shelf unit to fit under my laundry table that I can roll out with homeschooling supplies/curriculum. While my husband is over fixing a car in the shop this winter, I hope to be sawing, nailing and glueing.

I've heard it said that it is easier to organize fewer things. Very true...and I need this reminder so that I regularly go through what I have and get rid of the "extra".

Jenna at My Three Pennies Worth (click on sidebar...I haven't learned how to make a link in my text yet :)) wrote a post about "Preparing for the Cold" that discusses the benefits of getting rid of "stuff".

We have a true story that has been told in our family about a lady that grew up in the depression. Every once in awhile we ask my grandma to retell the story to us.

This lady would go to the butcher shop and ask the butcher to use extra string to wrap her meat packages. The butcher didn't know why, but was willing to oblige. When she got home, she would use the extra string to tie her roast before cooking. She continued this for years.

When the lady passed away, her children were cleaning out the house. She was apparently a good organizer herself, but it went a bit too far when her children found a box labeled:

"String, too short to use"

It makes me laugh every time.

More

This weekend was a special treat for me. My husband stayed home from work to take care of our three children for the day on Friday so that I could go to a women's retreat by myself! It was a good time of fellowship and the Lord used it to point out quite a few areas that need pruning. Of course pruning is never fun, but I know that it promotes growth toward God.

I was riding to the retreat with a friend when she told me about something that she had recently learned about Eve. Eve had everything that she could ever want...a beautiful place to live...an abundant variety of things to eat...Adam, fresh from the Maker's hand...unhindered fellowship with God...yet she was enticed by the temptation of Satan.

She wanted more.
More wisdom.
More knowledge.
More.

At the retreat, one of the sessions also talked about this. God gives us things that are pleasant and unpleasant. We often come to God with a laundry list of things that we want. We often don't get everything on the list in the way that we wanted them. How do we respond to that? I tend to become frustrated with what I haven't gotten, becoming demanding in a sense, or hardening my heart, so that I can't enjoy those things that I have recieved.

It is the same in marriage or any relationship. We can have a list of things that we want from our husbands, for instance. We want intimate conversation, his shoes always to be put away, recognition that I finally got the back closet cleaned out without hinting at it, recreation time as a family, yet get all the jobs done around the house, family devotions and couple devotions, consistency and unity in child training... The list goes on and on. I tend to want it all and when I don't get it, instead of being thankful for what my husband did do, I can become bitter, sullen and angry over what he did not.

I'm finding out that it's OK to bring those longings that were not fulfilled to the altar of lament. Pray about them. Yes, even grieve over them. Give it to God. Then they are dealt with so that we can recieve those longings that were fulfilled with joy and appreciation...bringing them to the altar of praise.

Longings in and of themselves are not bad, but we need to recieve fulfilled and unfulfilled longings in ways that will promote relationship with the Lord and with others.

Off to the altar...

The Battle of the Wills

Last night we had cell group at our house. The discussion was about the Lord's Prayer in Matthew 6. In verse 10, an interesting comment was made. "Our will to do His will needs to supercede our fleshly will." Fighting with our flesh will be a reality until we enter eternity, but as long as our will to do His will prevails over our fleshly will, God's ways will reign in our lives. Our fleshly will gets starved.

When an animal is starved, it can become quite ferocious in it's attempt to survive. Our fleshly will may not be much different. It may appear that our flesh, in a certain area, is starved to the point of death, only to have strong hunger pangs reignite it's furry. It is at these times that I often give in and feed my flesh, gorging in things that bring only momentary relief. Then the battle to starve that aspect of my flesh seems to begin all over again. Yet, I have some things going for me this time. I have a new or enlightened understanding of how my flesh fights and can bring about new strategies to help conquer it on the next go around. Most importantly, I have my Lord, who forgives and aids me as I seek His help.

The Lord obviously knew that this battle rages within each soul. He knew that it was a vital aspect in our walk with Him. He knew that we needed to continually pray that our will would overcome our fleshly will.

The Lord's Prayer is a rather short prayer, but He knew that this needed to be included, and for that, I am grateful.

The "Best" homeschool curriculum

This past weekend I was very blessed to be able to see two friends that I hadn't seen in a year+. It seems that true friends only take moments to be able to jump in and have serious discussions. Both are older than me and "veterans" in mothering, homemaking and homeschooling, yet still have some younger children. Their loving smiles and gentle words melted my rough insides. I picked their brains on so many issues and soaked in their wisdom.

"How do you deal with _______ issue in children?"
"How do you get your children to cheerfully help when there is work to do?"
"What homeschool curriculums do you use?"
"How do you make butter from raw milk?"
"How do you make a homemade healing salve?"

Sometimes they had encouraging words that I needed to hear right then, even if they didn't have a specific answer. Sometimes they gave more detailed directions (i.e. making butter, buttermilk, etc. from raw milk).

Most of their words were just plain wisdom. For instance, in my zeal to be the best homeschool mother, I have been on a seemingly never-ending quest for the "best" homeschool curriculum. It just seems to me that there must be one on the market that would teach my children everything in an easy format and fit our parameters for a Biblically based curriculum. I have been afraid that if I just pulled different curriculums together that I would miss some important thing that my children had to know. I wanted a one-size-fits-all program with simple directions and minimal preparation on my part. These ladies told me, "There are holes in every curriculum. You just need to find which ones fit your home, and each child the best."

I've been thinking about this ever since. Why didn't I get it before? Every curriculum, either in public, private or homeschool, is going to miss something. We can't know it all. We won't know everything in our lifetimes, much less in the 15 some years we are in "school".

It has put the pressure off. The focus is more on finding the curriculum that fits us and will instill a love for learning and critical thinking throughout our lives. They can't and won't learn everything there is to learn, but they can have the skills to learn what they need and want to know.

I have so much to learn, but I am eternally grateful for God's gift of wisdom that is passed down from those that have gone before me.

Growing Pains

The last week or two we have had some growing pains in our house. One of them has been in regards to starting homeschooling with our 4, almost 5, year old. She is a smart cookie, but there is a learning curve for me to determine how far and how fast to go. Yes, I am an occupational therapist, but I can sincerely say that I am NOT a pediatric therapist. Some have told me that they believe that teaching children early usually only makes them hate learning. Yikes! Yet, I have tried to balance all the advice as best I can. So, the last week or so has been an exercise in admitting to myself that she is not ready in some areas, but she is ready and eager to do others.

Even though the current curriculum that we chose teaches cursive writing in kindergarden, I decided today that she is not ready for that. I had guessed that, but now I know for sure. I talked to my husband today when he called from work and he said, "I didn't think she was ready for that." Sometimes I have to be hit over the head before I'll give up. We're going back to the preschool Handwriting Without Tears and that has gone well. There are quite a few manipulatives to make it fun.

We're going to read more. I went to the library and got quite a few books. One that we read today was on the flood in Grand Forks, ND a few years back. It prompted quite a bit of discussion with my children about floods like people are experiencing in the south. We then went outside in the sand and made dikes to protect our "city".

I had made some cardstock fish, painted them with the children, and then had them laminated awhile back. We put paperclips on them and went fishing with magnet-ended fishing lines today. Dry-erase markers work well on these, so I wrote some single-vowel words on the back that she had to read if she was going to keep the fish. I had been doing some reading with her before, so these were review words and she ended up keeping them all (even though she had to throw some back and catch them a couple times!) Then we went to her "house" to clean and cook the fish she caught.

She has to have fun and I have to have fun, and then we both learn a lot!

An exercise in Truth

Believing the lies can come easily at times, but I need to exercise my spiritual muscles in the Truth. Here is the tip of the iceberg:

God is bigger than my shortcomings
God loves me enough to have sent His Son to die for me (Matt 1:21, John 3:16)
People will fail me, but God will never fail me
God will never give me more than I can handle
I need not fear the future because God has it in control (1 Peter 3:12-14)
God has not left me comfortless (John 14:18)
The joy of the Lord is my strength (Nehemiah 8:10)
If I trust in the Lord, He will direct my steps (Proverbs 3:5-6)
If I repent, He will forgive (Luke 13:3-5)
There is rightful and wrongful suffering on this earth (1 Peter 2:20, Psalm 34:19)
Emotions will often lead me astray
I need to give up control so that God can be in control

Lord, please help me to continually ingest your Truth to crowd out the lies that try to entangle me. You are the only One that can change me on the inside so that I can be who you want me to be. I will lift mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help...

I'm already feeling stronger :)

Starving, but filling

I have heard it said that there are some sins that need to be starved to death. In other words, don't feed the temptation. A person that has a problem with drinking should not drive past the bar, for example. Someone that has problems with gossiping, should probably avoid prolonged gatherings with those that tend to gossip. Someone that has tendencies toward lustful thoughts should stay away from the gas stations with explicit magazines right by the checkout.

And yet, I have also heard it said that if you are cooperating with the Lord to weed out a particular sin in your life, there will be a void there and it needs to be filled with things of the Lord. So if you are having problems with anger or bitterness, starve the angry and bitter thoughts by these thoughts:

Phil 4:8
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

There are certain sins that are so difficult, and we try and try to pull ourselves off the ground by our bootstraps, trying in vain to change. ("I'm not going to get angry this time...No, I'm not going to get angry this time...I mean it, I'm not going to get angry this time!") God knows the struggle. He knows the purpose in the struggle. He has his perfect timing. Don't feed the sin, look to Jesus, feed on His Word. And as I read from Elisabeth Elliot recently...when you don't know what to do, do like Paul and Silas did when they were chained in prison...pray and sing! The chains just might break off...

Lessons I learned from a cactus

I have a cactus plant that was given to me when we lived on our farm. Yes, there is a variety of cactus that survives the Minnesota winters. It looks like it is completely dead in the winter and then in the spring, it starts to turn green again.

When I first got the plant, my oldest daughter was about 1 1/2 years old. I specifically told her not to touch the plant because it had "prickers". Later I noticed that she was walking around the yard with her arms away from her body and her fingers spread wide apart, like a scarecrow. She wasn't crying, but I knew right away what she had done. Thinking that I would find the remains or damage of the large needles, I came to find what seemed like thousands of small, thread-like needles all over her hands. They didn't hurt unless they were disturbed by fingers touching one another, so she had every appendage apart to avoid it. It took a long time to get all of them out. I later found the cactus had been pulled out and was laying on the lawn.

When we moved to our new location, I took the cactus with. It was in a pot as its temporary home, but it still burst with beautiful yellow flowers. Of course my daughter had to pick one and we had to deal with the small needles again.

This last weekend, I finally got it planted in it's new home. I had gloves on and thought I was quite protected, but alas, I had tiny "prickers" all over my dress that still got to my skin somehow whenever I moved my arms next to my body. Thankfully, the person that gave me this cactus also gave me a tweezers with a magnifying glass. I don't think that the gifts were given at the same time, but they are a combo all the same.

Sin is like this. You see something that appears beautiful and harmless. You decide to touch it, or pick the flowers.

You think that you can avoid, or deal with the pain of the obvious large "prickers",
-speeding ticket
-an overly tight budget that week for buying that 'one' thing that you've been wanting for so long without consulting your spouse

for the anticipation of the greater delight of the moment.
-getting the destination on time despite your lack of time management
-finally having that item.

The problem is, now you have to deal with the tiny needles that you never anticipated and are nearly impossible to get rid of and seem to keep coming back.
-guilt for knowing that you were not obeying the Lord by not obeying the laws of the land
-having a harder time controling impulses next time "you were able to do it last time, maybe you can do it again"
-possibly having to deal with the after effects of an accident or the fear of a near-accident
-the poor example that you were to your children
-having to apologize to your spouse for spending more than in the budget
-maybe having to return the item
-having to earn trust back from your spouse

Sin isn't worth it. It really isn't.

Clean Windows

I think that I am finally on the upswing of this cold. It has hit hard and taken it's toll, but it feels wonderful to have some energy again. The weather has been perfect too. So what did I do today? I washed windows. I didn't know that they were quite that dirty.

My grandma wrote some memories of her childhood during her college years and I recently was able to get a copy of them. One memory of hers was that her mother always wanted the dining room windows washed because it made her "feel better". I now totally understand. It made me feel better too.

I felt like I could touch the trees while standing inside. All of a sudden there was no barrier between my inside world and the outside. I just stood there...loving the clean, loving the light.

This weekend we had some friends over for a meal that we haven't had over for quite some time. I took the opportunity to ask for forgiveness for something that I did a long time ago and has recently been bothering me. She didn't even remember it, but forgave me anyway. :) Even so, I had a lightness in my step afterward. The window was clean again between my friend and I and between my Lord and I. Dirt, debris, cobwebs and bugs were wiped away. I felt closer to my Lord. My relationship with Him seemed cleaner and brighter.

Ah, to have sin forgiven and be wiped clean in renewed communion with Him! Much better than even having clean windows.

Overcomers

After a minor surgery in high school, I was given a Precious Moments figurine of a little boy on crutches. The Scripture written on it says, "Blessed are they that overcome." I had it out for awhile, then packed it away. A couple years ago, I took it out again. "Blessed are they that overcome." An overcomer? Overcoming what?

My mind went to Isaiah 40:31.

But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

I have come to long for an overcoming spirit. I want to soar above earthly circumstances that try to weigh me down.

I am reminded of another picture I saw years ago of a lone eagle, at total peace, perched on a dead tree as a war wages all around. The war of souls is all around us. The war for our peace and effectiveness for God's kingdom is always near. The war to keep us from focusing our thoughts on things that are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, things of good report, virtuous, or things worthy of praise is constant. (Philippians 4:8)

When I choose to live as a citizen of God's kingdom, and not this earthly one, God graciously gives me that inexpressible peace and joy that I long for and I do feel like that eagle who soars above or is able to be at peace on a dead branch as the war rages so close. It is at these times that I take hold of God's gift of an overcoming spirit to rise above the temptations of worry, fear, doubt, dispair and discouragement and "take captive every thought to the obedience of Christ".

This world is not my home...I'm just a passin' through...

Two Kingdoms

I am beginning to understand a Biblical concept that is new to me. There are two kingdoms. There is the earthly kingdom and the heavenly one. If years ago someone would have asked me if there were two kingdoms, I would have likely said "yes". But it wasn't until recently that I have considered the implications of this.

Those who have accepted the Lord, Jesus Christ as their Saviour through repentance and surrendering their lives to Him, are part of the Kingdom of God. When we are part of God's kingdom, we want to know more about our King. We are concerned with the welfare of other citizens of God's kingdom.

People have a united identity within a kingdom. People that are of the earthly kingdom are united in following their king, Satan, whether they will acknowledge it or not. People that are part of the Kingdom of God are united in following the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords!!

To use David Bercot's illustration, if we as American citizens, go to another country, we will be aware of what is going on in the other country, but our main concern is for our own country. I was in Canada as a child and I remember watching the news in the motel room. The news media kept talking about Canadian news. I didn't as much care about what was happening in Canada as I did about what was happening in America. I wanted to hear about what was happening in my home country or how some news coming out of Canada had any effect on America.

That is how it is. I have some idea of what is going on in this earthly kingdom, but I am much more concerned about what is happening in the Kingdom of God and how things in the earthly kingdom are affecting the Kingdom of God.

Just as the hymnwriter wrote, this world is not my home.

This world is not my home, I'm just a passing thru.
My treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue;
The angels beckon me from heaven's open door,
And I can't feel at home in this world anymore.

I need to look upward and be concerned about what my King thinks more than anyone else. How does my King see this issue? What would my King want me to be involved in? What activities allure me away from full devotion to Him? What He desires from me is of my utmost concern. What others say to me and about me are washed by what my King says.

Practically speaking, this may manifest itself in political involvement or lack thereof, how much (if any) news we listen to, or not participating in worldly amusements. Each person needs to ask the Lord if there are things that they are doing, or not doing, that is keeping them from a fuller devotion to Him. Does the activity have eternal value?

Honestly, this is why we don't own a television. Looking back, my husband and I are amazed at the lure and temptation of the earthly kingdom that so quickly flashed across the screen and we are now shocked when we are in a room where a television is on. Even though it was a process before we were ready to get it out of our home, we have never regretted it since.

The more we learn to focus on our citizenship of the Heavenly Kingdom, the less we care about what is happening in the earthly kingdom.

Refrain of "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus":

Turn your eyes upon Jesus.
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow faintly dim
In the light of His mercy and grace.
Words and Music by Helen H. Lemmel1922

Matt 6:33
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

Down but not out

We finally gave in to the "creeping crud", as my dad used to say. Three grumpy children with fevers, coughs and mattery eyes. Yesterday morning my daughter came into our bedroom and announced that her eyes were buckled together. Last night my wonderful husband slept on the couch with our hot baby on his chest so that I could sleep.

This too shall pass. But in the meantime, it is a good opportunity to let other things go and just cuddle.

Visit Carla

Carla at Joys in the Journey, http://joysinthejourney.blogspot.com/ , has a wonderful post that is similar to the one that I posted today. You will not be disappointed by going there to visit.

(For those of you who are html wizards, please excuse the poor html formatting here. I just don't have time right now to make it look more presentable!)

Waiting in wonder

My three year old son amazes me. This past winter my children saw a deer out our window. J. promptly wanted to put on all of his winter garb. After the 10 minutes that it takes to bundle up a child for the snow, he went out and walked over to where the deer had been. He stood there for a good 15-20 minutes just looking and waiting, hardly moving. I kept checking on him to make sure that he wasn't getting overly cold or had walked out of site. He was always there, with no sign of getting cold. I was a bit in awe of his patience. I had never seen such behavior from him before.

Now again today, I spotted him through the window as he watched a gold finch on our bird feeder and VERY slowly and meticulously stepped toward it to get as close as he could before it inevitably flew away. His eyes showed wonder and amazement. I was again in awe.

But then, I think that he was in awe, too. He may not understand it all, but really he was in awe of God's creatures that are all around us, yet won't let us touch them. Though never taught, his spirit knew that these creatures are mysterious and precious and he wanted to get an upclose glimpse. The world God created is vast and he is just begining to see it.

Oh, to see things as a small child. That is what God desires.

"I made a stake"

I had just sent my daughter outside, pushing our youngest in the double stroller. L. does a pretty good job and I can watch them easily out our windows. I was anticipating that she would push the stroller on the driveway, down by the swings, or over some other even terrain. Moments after seeing them on their way, L. comes running in, "Mom! Come! Hurry! I made a stake! I made a stake!" I ran outside and around the house to find the stroller upside down in the weeds and my 7 month old screaming. I pulled the stroller out with my son safely in his five-point harness. No harm was done. There was no poison ivy either. He was frightened, but that was it, thankfully.

I then went on to explain how she should get to her destination with a stroller and avoid the slight embankment on the edge of the lawn. I also had to clarify with her that the word is "mistake".

Thinking about it afterwards, I was thankful that she immediately came to ask for help and didn't try to cover-up what had happened. She was comfortable enough with her relationship with me, and concerned enough with the safety of her brother to come running for help right away.

I would hope that my relationship with the Lord is the same way. I want to learn how to come running to my Father when I have made a "stake" and not try to cover it up or fix it myself.

1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our
sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.