About a week ago, an older wise man made a statement after unforeseen events altered his plans:
"I have come to the point in my life that it really doesn't matter whether the Lord did it or allowed Satan to do it. God is still in control either way."
I have been pondering that ever since...not that I haven't heard similar statements before, but it was seen in a new light.
Later that morning while singing "In Heavenly Love Abiding" a phrase in the first verse strongly gripped me:
"The storm may roar without me"
There are many storms that Satan would desire to consume our entire being... every thought, every action, every word...but you know what? The storm may roar without me! I don't need to be consumed by it. No wonder we are told in Scripture to take captive every thought to the obedience of Christ and to think on those things that are pure, trustworthy and of good report. God knows that we are tempted to put our focus on earthy things and not on HIM. Praise Him, Thank Him, sing of the truths of His Word.
I've been told that there is a proverb that states, "We cannot keep the birds from flying overhead, but we can keep them from building a nest in our hair."
To me, that is the essence of taking every thought captive. Satan will hurl thoughts, but if we allow ourselves to muse over them, the nest is beginning to be built.
I know that as a wife and mother, it takes my entire being to be in tune with HIM in order for me to do what he has called me to do and be who he has called me to be. When I allow myself to get sidetracked, that calling suffers.
No matter what happens in my day, I desire to say, "It doesn't matter whether God did it or He allowed Satan to do it. God is in control either way!"
Monday, October 31, 2005
Monday, October 24, 2005
The move- Part 8 of my testimony
Married life was wonderful. I had started working part-time hours and loved the extra time to do what I wanted at home. We started remodeling the basement and enjoyed just being together.
In February, I found a piece of land for sale in the paper in the area that we were interested in. Keith and I thought that it would be a few years before we would move, but I called on it just for fun. After talking with the realtor, I realized that this particular one wouldn't fit what we wanted, but he described another property that really did. After talking with Keith, we decided to make a whirlwind trip up to see it. (You see, I had to sing at a wedding on Saturday afternoon and we were going to drive up to see the land on Saturday morning.) So we got up at 3:00 AM to drive the 6 or so hours up there. It was a fun trip, but we knew that we had entered the "boondocks" about half-way there! We had never been to the Red River Valley before. Fields stretched forever it seemed and it was beautiful in its own way. When we got there, I have to say that it was frightfully cold. The wind blew hard on that flat terrain, but we became attached very quickly to the ~160 acre old farmstead with a large lawn of mature oak trees, outbuildings, and river. We were on a tight time schedule, so we didn't get as good a look at the place as we would have liked and the realtor told us that there was already an offer on it but it had contingencies. So, if we had the money, we could get it first. We didn't want to make a rash decision, yet really liked the property. We drove home talking over the possibilities and thinking of our dreams.
I wasn't kidding when I said that we were on a tight schedule. We drove right to the wedding and we were none too early. I went in and Keith waited for me in the car with our new puppy that we had brought along for the trip.
After talking over our dilema, a friend told Keith, "God leads, Satan pushes". That advice has stayed with us ever since. We did feel pushed to make a quick decision as there was already an offer on the place, yet there wasn't peace about it. So, Keith decided that we would let it go and if we were supposed to have the property, the other offer would fall through and it would be available later.
In April, I had an opportunity to direct a choir from our church for an Easter "concert". I had never done anything like it before, and was stressful, but tons of fun too. While practicing after church on Sundays, Keith would wait for me. One day he got a paper and was just thumbing through it. Sure enough, the property was in the paper. It had never been advertised before. We called on it and it indeed was the same property and the other offer had fallen through! We made an appointment the next weekend to go up and see it again.
This time, Keith's parents came with us and we stopped half-way up at a motel on Friday to break up the trip. We arrived "up north" early on Saturday and Keith wanted to stop in at a few dealerships to scout out any potential jobs as an auto mechanic. The first place we stopped, he was offered a job. Keith was a bit in shock and we were all amazed. We got to the property and looked and looked and looked at EVERYHING we could think of. We saw many of the imperfections of the place, yet we also saw the possibilities. When Keith asked me if I thought we should make an offer, I said yes, but inside I wanted a lightning rod sign from God that this was His will and not an emotional decision. So I made a silent request to God for a rainbow so that I would know that this was from Him.
Needless to say, I was a nervous wreck all the way to the restaurant where we were going to sit down with the realtors to make the offer. My neck got sore looking out the window for a rainbow. We got to the restaurant and I looked throughout the sky until I went through the door. We got to our table and sat down. I couldn't sit down for more than 30 seconds. I excused myself and went back outside. While looking into the sky again, I felt God tell me that I knew that He was directing us in this direction and I needed to rest in that and not look for confirmation after confirmation. I went back inside and sat down with more peace.
After the paperwork was completed, we drove home, not sure what was going to happen. It's an interesting spot to be in. You start allowing dreams to develop, yet don't want to for fear that hopes will be dashed and the offer denied.
Thankfully, we didn't have to wait long. Sunday afternoon, we got the call from the realtor that our offer was accepted. Keith was talking to him. I had deduced from Keith's side of the conversation that we had a green light. While he was just finishing the phone call, I looked out the window and there was a small, but distinctive rainbow!! I was estatic! God was so good to give me that gift even though He had asked me to take a step of faith first. We drove over to Keith's brother's house to tell them what had transpired, but before I could tell about the rainbow, Keith's sister-in-law said, "I saw the most BEAUTIFUL rainbow while driving home. Did you see it?" I surely had...
Closing on the property was on May 1st. But before this, we found out that I was pregnant. We were so excited. I ate quite a few crackers to get me through those months. We had permission to begin moving things up to the new house before the closing as the house was empty. Keith remembers those drives up with boxes with such fondness. I remember nausea. We set up our extra bed in the large kitchen because we wanted to do some work in the other rooms. There we were, having our weekend get-away at our soon-to-be home, watching a movie on a small, portable TV and lying in our bed in the kitchen.
We made multiple trips up to the property, but I remember one in particular... We had bought an older one ton suburban that could "haul anything" according to Keith. As we were on the freeway after a couple hours of driving, we kept smelling gasoline. I mentioned it a few times, but Keith didn't act concerned. I thought, "He's the mechanic. He knows, so I better just let it go." Every once in awhile he would "think outloud" saying what the smell could be from. I started to relax, but unbeknownst to me, Keith was getting more concerned. All of a sudden, he pulled over onto a litte side road and up into a field. He jumped out and crawled under the suburban. The previous owners had cut off the tailpipe and the end was directly under the gas tank. Keith has very tough hands, full of callouses, but this thing was extremely hot and he couldn't get near it. He had to take a pry bar to bend the pipe away from the gas tank. He could hear liquid gurgling. We had a full tank of boiling gasoline! The gas was so hot that the vapors caused a relief valve in the gas cap to open...hence the smell of gas. I have come to learn that hot liquid gasoline is not as explosive as gasoline vapor and it was good that we had a full tank of liquid gas so that there wasn't as much room for gasoline vapor, but we were both full of thankfulness to the Lord that we didn't blow up on the freeway that day...because we easily could have.
Now the question was, should we try to sell our house in the "Cities" ourselves or use a realtor? We decided to use a realtor. We contacted one and the momentum started immediately. I mentioned that we were remdeling the basement before. Now we were in high gear. The realtor was very helpful in showing us what things to focus on and what to not worry about. I worked like crazy while home alone and Keith and I worked like crazy in the evenings. The realtor came to fill out paperwork to officially list our home. She said to me, "Things may move faster than you think you are ready for, but I think that you ARE ready." As we were signing papers, she said that she had had a call that day and the people were looking for a house just like ours. She described our property and they had wanted to come that evening, but she told them that she couldn't do that as she was meeting with us that evening to officially sign papers to get it listed. She did give them our address so that they could look at it from the road.
Sure enough, sitting from our dining room table we could see the road. We saw a vehicle drive S-L-O-W-L-Y past, turn around, and drive S-L-O-W-L-Y back...and then drive into our driveway! My heart started pounding. The realtor talked to them at the door and then she called up to me, "Remember what I said about being ready?"
"Yeah"
"How about a showing tomorrow morning?"
What could I say but, "yep".
After the prospective buyers left, we all looked at each other and couldn't believe that these people were quite so bold.
After the realtor left, Keith and I worked on adrenaline. We still had masking tape on baseboards where we had been doing some last-minute painting and sheetrock dust was everywhere it seemed. We did the best we could and went to bed physically and emotionally exhausted.
The next morning, we both left for work. Keith got a call at work around 10:30. Our house had sold in 2 hours for the asking price!
Now, the ball really started rolling. We had a date at which we had to be out of our home. We put in our notices at work and began packing with purpose and frenzy.
The closing for selling our home in the "Cities" was in June. When you go into a closing, you never quite know what the ending dollar amounts are going to be because of realtor's fees, fees that the seller is responsible for, etc. So...we didn't know exactly how it would all turn out. After all the paperwork was signed and checks were in hand, we realized that we were within $50 of the cost of the property "up north".
We moved up to our new home after being married for 7 months, awaiting our first child and debt free. God WAS and IS SO GOOD!
Whenever we question whether God wanted us to move, we think of His miraculous ways. Just as God directed in the Old Testament to make altars of stone to remember what He had done, we also want to remember and never forget His direction and provision for us. Writing this is part of our stone altar of remembrance.
In February, I found a piece of land for sale in the paper in the area that we were interested in. Keith and I thought that it would be a few years before we would move, but I called on it just for fun. After talking with the realtor, I realized that this particular one wouldn't fit what we wanted, but he described another property that really did. After talking with Keith, we decided to make a whirlwind trip up to see it. (You see, I had to sing at a wedding on Saturday afternoon and we were going to drive up to see the land on Saturday morning.) So we got up at 3:00 AM to drive the 6 or so hours up there. It was a fun trip, but we knew that we had entered the "boondocks" about half-way there! We had never been to the Red River Valley before. Fields stretched forever it seemed and it was beautiful in its own way. When we got there, I have to say that it was frightfully cold. The wind blew hard on that flat terrain, but we became attached very quickly to the ~160 acre old farmstead with a large lawn of mature oak trees, outbuildings, and river. We were on a tight time schedule, so we didn't get as good a look at the place as we would have liked and the realtor told us that there was already an offer on it but it had contingencies. So, if we had the money, we could get it first. We didn't want to make a rash decision, yet really liked the property. We drove home talking over the possibilities and thinking of our dreams.
I wasn't kidding when I said that we were on a tight schedule. We drove right to the wedding and we were none too early. I went in and Keith waited for me in the car with our new puppy that we had brought along for the trip.
After talking over our dilema, a friend told Keith, "God leads, Satan pushes". That advice has stayed with us ever since. We did feel pushed to make a quick decision as there was already an offer on the place, yet there wasn't peace about it. So, Keith decided that we would let it go and if we were supposed to have the property, the other offer would fall through and it would be available later.
In April, I had an opportunity to direct a choir from our church for an Easter "concert". I had never done anything like it before, and was stressful, but tons of fun too. While practicing after church on Sundays, Keith would wait for me. One day he got a paper and was just thumbing through it. Sure enough, the property was in the paper. It had never been advertised before. We called on it and it indeed was the same property and the other offer had fallen through! We made an appointment the next weekend to go up and see it again.
This time, Keith's parents came with us and we stopped half-way up at a motel on Friday to break up the trip. We arrived "up north" early on Saturday and Keith wanted to stop in at a few dealerships to scout out any potential jobs as an auto mechanic. The first place we stopped, he was offered a job. Keith was a bit in shock and we were all amazed. We got to the property and looked and looked and looked at EVERYHING we could think of. We saw many of the imperfections of the place, yet we also saw the possibilities. When Keith asked me if I thought we should make an offer, I said yes, but inside I wanted a lightning rod sign from God that this was His will and not an emotional decision. So I made a silent request to God for a rainbow so that I would know that this was from Him.
Needless to say, I was a nervous wreck all the way to the restaurant where we were going to sit down with the realtors to make the offer. My neck got sore looking out the window for a rainbow. We got to the restaurant and I looked throughout the sky until I went through the door. We got to our table and sat down. I couldn't sit down for more than 30 seconds. I excused myself and went back outside. While looking into the sky again, I felt God tell me that I knew that He was directing us in this direction and I needed to rest in that and not look for confirmation after confirmation. I went back inside and sat down with more peace.
After the paperwork was completed, we drove home, not sure what was going to happen. It's an interesting spot to be in. You start allowing dreams to develop, yet don't want to for fear that hopes will be dashed and the offer denied.
Thankfully, we didn't have to wait long. Sunday afternoon, we got the call from the realtor that our offer was accepted. Keith was talking to him. I had deduced from Keith's side of the conversation that we had a green light. While he was just finishing the phone call, I looked out the window and there was a small, but distinctive rainbow!! I was estatic! God was so good to give me that gift even though He had asked me to take a step of faith first. We drove over to Keith's brother's house to tell them what had transpired, but before I could tell about the rainbow, Keith's sister-in-law said, "I saw the most BEAUTIFUL rainbow while driving home. Did you see it?" I surely had...
Closing on the property was on May 1st. But before this, we found out that I was pregnant. We were so excited. I ate quite a few crackers to get me through those months. We had permission to begin moving things up to the new house before the closing as the house was empty. Keith remembers those drives up with boxes with such fondness. I remember nausea. We set up our extra bed in the large kitchen because we wanted to do some work in the other rooms. There we were, having our weekend get-away at our soon-to-be home, watching a movie on a small, portable TV and lying in our bed in the kitchen.
We made multiple trips up to the property, but I remember one in particular... We had bought an older one ton suburban that could "haul anything" according to Keith. As we were on the freeway after a couple hours of driving, we kept smelling gasoline. I mentioned it a few times, but Keith didn't act concerned. I thought, "He's the mechanic. He knows, so I better just let it go." Every once in awhile he would "think outloud" saying what the smell could be from. I started to relax, but unbeknownst to me, Keith was getting more concerned. All of a sudden, he pulled over onto a litte side road and up into a field. He jumped out and crawled under the suburban. The previous owners had cut off the tailpipe and the end was directly under the gas tank. Keith has very tough hands, full of callouses, but this thing was extremely hot and he couldn't get near it. He had to take a pry bar to bend the pipe away from the gas tank. He could hear liquid gurgling. We had a full tank of boiling gasoline! The gas was so hot that the vapors caused a relief valve in the gas cap to open...hence the smell of gas. I have come to learn that hot liquid gasoline is not as explosive as gasoline vapor and it was good that we had a full tank of liquid gas so that there wasn't as much room for gasoline vapor, but we were both full of thankfulness to the Lord that we didn't blow up on the freeway that day...because we easily could have.
Now the question was, should we try to sell our house in the "Cities" ourselves or use a realtor? We decided to use a realtor. We contacted one and the momentum started immediately. I mentioned that we were remdeling the basement before. Now we were in high gear. The realtor was very helpful in showing us what things to focus on and what to not worry about. I worked like crazy while home alone and Keith and I worked like crazy in the evenings. The realtor came to fill out paperwork to officially list our home. She said to me, "Things may move faster than you think you are ready for, but I think that you ARE ready." As we were signing papers, she said that she had had a call that day and the people were looking for a house just like ours. She described our property and they had wanted to come that evening, but she told them that she couldn't do that as she was meeting with us that evening to officially sign papers to get it listed. She did give them our address so that they could look at it from the road.
Sure enough, sitting from our dining room table we could see the road. We saw a vehicle drive S-L-O-W-L-Y past, turn around, and drive S-L-O-W-L-Y back...and then drive into our driveway! My heart started pounding. The realtor talked to them at the door and then she called up to me, "Remember what I said about being ready?"
"Yeah"
"How about a showing tomorrow morning?"
What could I say but, "yep".
After the prospective buyers left, we all looked at each other and couldn't believe that these people were quite so bold.
After the realtor left, Keith and I worked on adrenaline. We still had masking tape on baseboards where we had been doing some last-minute painting and sheetrock dust was everywhere it seemed. We did the best we could and went to bed physically and emotionally exhausted.
The next morning, we both left for work. Keith got a call at work around 10:30. Our house had sold in 2 hours for the asking price!
Now, the ball really started rolling. We had a date at which we had to be out of our home. We put in our notices at work and began packing with purpose and frenzy.
The closing for selling our home in the "Cities" was in June. When you go into a closing, you never quite know what the ending dollar amounts are going to be because of realtor's fees, fees that the seller is responsible for, etc. So...we didn't know exactly how it would all turn out. After all the paperwork was signed and checks were in hand, we realized that we were within $50 of the cost of the property "up north".
We moved up to our new home after being married for 7 months, awaiting our first child and debt free. God WAS and IS SO GOOD!
Whenever we question whether God wanted us to move, we think of His miraculous ways. Just as God directed in the Old Testament to make altars of stone to remember what He had done, we also want to remember and never forget His direction and provision for us. Writing this is part of our stone altar of remembrance.
Monday, October 17, 2005
The wedding-Part 7 of my testimony
One other tidbit that I remembered and wanted to include in preparations for the wedding... I honestly can't tell you right now how I met her, the lady that was to make the bridesmaid dresses. I think that I just saw her at a fabric store or picked up her business card or something...I don't even remember her name. Anyway, I wanted dusty rose dresses and couldn't find any ready-to-order ones that were in the right color or the right style, so I decided that I was going to have someone make them. I called this lady and met her at the fabric store after I got lost and had to make multiple phone calls to her and Keith to figure out where I was going. Finally I got there, quite late, and we picked out the material and finalized plans for the dresses. The material had to be ordered.
A couple weeks later, she called me and said, "The material is backordered and I really don't think that it will get here in time for me to make the dresses." Now what?? I called my Mom and she rushed to the largest town near her, going to every bridal shop she could find. Bless her heart, she saved the day when she called and described a simple, but elegant dress in a wine/burgundy color. "Sounds just fine", I said and that was it. The dresses were ordered. The only question was, how was everyone going to get the dresses altered? My one sister that was near my Mom was easy. She could get the dress and bring it to a neighbor's house. My other sister was in Colorado in college and my maid-of-honor was not close either. There wasn't time to mail the dresses to them for alterations where they were. It ended up that this seamstress that was going to make the dresses in the first place ended up doing alterations on Thursday night before the wedding. I vaguely remember sitting in the basement of her home with my sister and friend, being totally exhausted as we waited for the dresses to be completed. Things were becoming quite a blur.
Friday, November 5th arrived with tons of driving to pick up this and that and set up at the reception hall. Late that afternoon, was the rehearsal. I had been blessed with three bridal showers and therefore had enough bows for myself and all three of my bridesmaids to have bow bouquets to carry that night. Probably the most memorable moment from the rehearsal was when Keith and I were practicing our vows. While saying mine, I became totally overwhelmed with all that was about to happen and after completing the last sentence exclaimed, "HOLY BUCKETS!" Pastor Alan had the funniest look on his face and everyone burst our laughing.
The rehearsal dinner was very nice and after that Keith and I went back to the reception hall with my Dad for a private dance. Since we weren't going to have a dance at our wedding reception, I wanted to have a "dance with Dad" the night before. Dad had a small tape player with and set it up on the table. It wasn't a long event, but it was special to have that time with Dad. Despite all that had happened while growing up, the divorce, his moving away, and everything else, I will always have an ache in my heart for my Daddy.
Finally November 6th arrived. We got to the church early to fix hair, etc. We did have pictures done before the ceremony, but before this, Keith and I had a special time seeing each other for the first time that day, all dressed for the wedding. This started the giddiness that continued for the entire day. Pictures seemed to go on forever, making sure we had every combination of people possible, yet afterward we still found out that one was missed. My cheeks were starting to hurt, yet I couldn't stop smiling.
Since praise and worship music was such a part of my life, I had the praise and worship team play before and after the wedding. They were to play "Take Me In" (Take me past the outer courts, into the Holy place, past the brazen altar...) right before another song before the processional-yes I had LOTS of music planned! Anyway, they started early and/or we weren't ready in the back... they played that song probably 10 times or more. We found out later that they were getting quite tired of the song and when they were getting to the end and needed to start over AGAIN, they would despirately look at each other and figure out who could do a solo this time or whether to do an instrumental rendition. Of course Keith and I were totally oblivious. Wedding coordinators are actually quite helpful. She just told us who was to go when and where...very good thing when you have a giddy bride and groom.
Finally I was walking down the isle holding arms with my mom on one side and my dad on the other. Then came the part of the ceremony that made Keith more nervous than anything else. After Pastor Alan asked "Who gives this woman..." and my dad said "we do", Keith had to lift up my veil and lay it back over my head. He sweated over this moment for a week, but it went without a hitch.
Then was the solos by my sister and a friend, the song led by the praise and worship team and the message on "covenant". The vows went perfectly, the lighting of the candles, giving roses to parents. Then I was able to sing a song to Keith, written by another gifted friend. Keith had a card with the words in his pocket, but they came to mind so easily, it was as if no one else was in the room except Keith, myself and our Lord. Afterward, Pastor Alan had to make sure that everyone noticed that my new last name was written behind this song in the ceremony program. When he said this, I punched the air in excitement. I could hold it in no longer!
Another moment that Keith and I had been waiting for...see, Keith and I never kissed on the lips before that moment and many people at the wedding knew this. There was whooping and hollering when Pastor Alan said, "Keith, you may kiss the bride". Let's just say that it was a memorable moment as well, especially because laughing and smiling and kissing are hard to do all at once!
We practically skipped down the aisle after we were pronounced Mr. and Mrs.
The reception was another time of blur, greeting guests, feeding each other cake, kissing to the clang of glasses, "speeches" by those in the wedding party, friends and family, each retelling memories and stories. Larry and Wilma spoke as well as the couple that had gone through the vow of purity with me. I was able to read aloud the plaque that stated the vow that I had made.
By the end of the evening, we were elated and exhausted and VERY ready for our first night together as husband and wife.
If there is anything that we remember about our wedding day, it was just how much fun we had. God felt so near that day and the entire event was surrounded in pure joy. But the giddiness! It's almost hard to watch the video!! :)
The next day was the gift opening. I love gifts in general, so this was a special treat for me. Then it was time for last-minute packing for the drive to Colorado for our honeymoon. We had a cabin in the mountains and it was wonderful.
When we came back from our honeymoon, we weren't sure what was in store for us. We knew that someday we wanted to move out of the "Cities" to raise the family that we hoped to have. We looked at a map of Minnesota and pointed to the northwest corner. "That looks like a good place to live." Neither of us had ever been there. Little did we know what God had in mind and the miraculous events that were about to happen...
A couple weeks later, she called me and said, "The material is backordered and I really don't think that it will get here in time for me to make the dresses." Now what?? I called my Mom and she rushed to the largest town near her, going to every bridal shop she could find. Bless her heart, she saved the day when she called and described a simple, but elegant dress in a wine/burgundy color. "Sounds just fine", I said and that was it. The dresses were ordered. The only question was, how was everyone going to get the dresses altered? My one sister that was near my Mom was easy. She could get the dress and bring it to a neighbor's house. My other sister was in Colorado in college and my maid-of-honor was not close either. There wasn't time to mail the dresses to them for alterations where they were. It ended up that this seamstress that was going to make the dresses in the first place ended up doing alterations on Thursday night before the wedding. I vaguely remember sitting in the basement of her home with my sister and friend, being totally exhausted as we waited for the dresses to be completed. Things were becoming quite a blur.
Friday, November 5th arrived with tons of driving to pick up this and that and set up at the reception hall. Late that afternoon, was the rehearsal. I had been blessed with three bridal showers and therefore had enough bows for myself and all three of my bridesmaids to have bow bouquets to carry that night. Probably the most memorable moment from the rehearsal was when Keith and I were practicing our vows. While saying mine, I became totally overwhelmed with all that was about to happen and after completing the last sentence exclaimed, "HOLY BUCKETS!" Pastor Alan had the funniest look on his face and everyone burst our laughing.
The rehearsal dinner was very nice and after that Keith and I went back to the reception hall with my Dad for a private dance. Since we weren't going to have a dance at our wedding reception, I wanted to have a "dance with Dad" the night before. Dad had a small tape player with and set it up on the table. It wasn't a long event, but it was special to have that time with Dad. Despite all that had happened while growing up, the divorce, his moving away, and everything else, I will always have an ache in my heart for my Daddy.
Finally November 6th arrived. We got to the church early to fix hair, etc. We did have pictures done before the ceremony, but before this, Keith and I had a special time seeing each other for the first time that day, all dressed for the wedding. This started the giddiness that continued for the entire day. Pictures seemed to go on forever, making sure we had every combination of people possible, yet afterward we still found out that one was missed. My cheeks were starting to hurt, yet I couldn't stop smiling.
Since praise and worship music was such a part of my life, I had the praise and worship team play before and after the wedding. They were to play "Take Me In" (Take me past the outer courts, into the Holy place, past the brazen altar...) right before another song before the processional-yes I had LOTS of music planned! Anyway, they started early and/or we weren't ready in the back... they played that song probably 10 times or more. We found out later that they were getting quite tired of the song and when they were getting to the end and needed to start over AGAIN, they would despirately look at each other and figure out who could do a solo this time or whether to do an instrumental rendition. Of course Keith and I were totally oblivious. Wedding coordinators are actually quite helpful. She just told us who was to go when and where...very good thing when you have a giddy bride and groom.
Finally I was walking down the isle holding arms with my mom on one side and my dad on the other. Then came the part of the ceremony that made Keith more nervous than anything else. After Pastor Alan asked "Who gives this woman..." and my dad said "we do", Keith had to lift up my veil and lay it back over my head. He sweated over this moment for a week, but it went without a hitch.
Then was the solos by my sister and a friend, the song led by the praise and worship team and the message on "covenant". The vows went perfectly, the lighting of the candles, giving roses to parents. Then I was able to sing a song to Keith, written by another gifted friend. Keith had a card with the words in his pocket, but they came to mind so easily, it was as if no one else was in the room except Keith, myself and our Lord. Afterward, Pastor Alan had to make sure that everyone noticed that my new last name was written behind this song in the ceremony program. When he said this, I punched the air in excitement. I could hold it in no longer!
Another moment that Keith and I had been waiting for...see, Keith and I never kissed on the lips before that moment and many people at the wedding knew this. There was whooping and hollering when Pastor Alan said, "Keith, you may kiss the bride". Let's just say that it was a memorable moment as well, especially because laughing and smiling and kissing are hard to do all at once!
We practically skipped down the aisle after we were pronounced Mr. and Mrs.
The reception was another time of blur, greeting guests, feeding each other cake, kissing to the clang of glasses, "speeches" by those in the wedding party, friends and family, each retelling memories and stories. Larry and Wilma spoke as well as the couple that had gone through the vow of purity with me. I was able to read aloud the plaque that stated the vow that I had made.
By the end of the evening, we were elated and exhausted and VERY ready for our first night together as husband and wife.
If there is anything that we remember about our wedding day, it was just how much fun we had. God felt so near that day and the entire event was surrounded in pure joy. But the giddiness! It's almost hard to watch the video!! :)
The next day was the gift opening. I love gifts in general, so this was a special treat for me. Then it was time for last-minute packing for the drive to Colorado for our honeymoon. We had a cabin in the mountains and it was wonderful.
When we came back from our honeymoon, we weren't sure what was in store for us. We knew that someday we wanted to move out of the "Cities" to raise the family that we hoped to have. We looked at a map of Minnesota and pointed to the northwest corner. "That looks like a good place to live." Neither of us had ever been there. Little did we know what God had in mind and the miraculous events that were about to happen...
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
The proposal and engagement- Part 6 of my testimony
Larry and Wilma were continuing to be in the picture. They went with us to a nearby lake that had a walking path around it and we all walked and talked during a beautiful Sunday afternoon. It was here that we had our first picture taken together.
Larry invited us to come with them to go fishing. Keith had a 1977 Chevy pickup that he had had since he was 15 and had restored pretty much the entire thing. It was painted shimmery gold and had a lift kit in it. We took that truck to the lake. We were driving on the freeway on the north side of the "Cities" and sang to each other the Alabama's song, "How Do You Fall In Love?" with the windows open. It is a song asking how to know when to make the decision to get married. Keith was planning on asking Larry that day his opinion about Keith proposing to me.
The fishing was tons of fun and we got another picture of us smiling from ear to ear with our fishing poles in the water. We all went back to their house and while Larry and Keith were downstairs cleaning the fish, Keith talked to him. I was upstairs with Wilma and was nervous as well, wondering what Larry would advise. Well, let's just say that Larry thought that it would be wonderful if Keith proposed. After they got upstairs, we had a joyous meal of fish and talked about more marriage issues and we received more valuable advice.
But...Keith told me that the actual proposal date was to be a surprise. It drove me crazy!!!
On May 7, 1999, I went over to Keith's house. I had a terrible headache and was lying on the couch. I was surprised with a dozen roses, but because of the headache, I was clueless as to what was about to happen. After an hour or so, the headache started to lighten. That's when he asked me to come in the other room with him. There he had another dozen roses and a jewelry box of his grandmother's that he had refinished and put our picture on from our walk around the lake. Inside was the engagement ring. Keith knelt down on one leg and asked me if I would marry him. Of course I enthusiastically said, "YES!!"
Things started to spin at this point. How soon could we get married? Keith felt that we should wait 6 months, so we agreed upon November 6th. The whirr of plans and preparation took over. There were so many details.
We went to pre-marriage counseling and because we had gone through "The Secret of Loving" already, there was little that we hadn't already discussed, and we received full blessing from Hal Baumchen.
There were some bumps in the road as far as I was concerned. A person can't have a history like mine without any consequences. I went to some counseling sessions and worked through many things. Keith graciously came with when asked and was extremely supportive.
Another thing that I did before the wedding day was spend two days at a place called Pacem in Terris. There are prayer cabins here for individuals only, no couples or parent/child. Just me and God. It was a 8' x 12' single-room cabin that housed a single bed, short counter with a jug of water and basin, gas lamp, rocking chair and small table and a huge window looking out into the woods. There was also a small screened-in "lean-to" with a hanging swing. There was an outhouse a short distance from the set of 3 cabins where I was staying. I was brought a basket with fruit and a small loaf of bread that was left in a wooden box outside the door. That was my food for the day. I saw one person while I was there when I went on a walk on a path through the woods, but there was no talking as that was the rules after the gate was passed into the area for the cabins. It was here that I did much reading, sleeping, praying, confessing and repenting.
I returned from that weekend changed in subtle, but lasting ways.
November 6th was soon arriving. Pastor Alan, our pastor at the time, had said on occasion, "God moves slow, but fast." That is how it felt. It took forever, it seemed, for the wedding day to arrive, yet as it did, things went SO fast.
Finally, it was November 5th...
Larry invited us to come with them to go fishing. Keith had a 1977 Chevy pickup that he had had since he was 15 and had restored pretty much the entire thing. It was painted shimmery gold and had a lift kit in it. We took that truck to the lake. We were driving on the freeway on the north side of the "Cities" and sang to each other the Alabama's song, "How Do You Fall In Love?" with the windows open. It is a song asking how to know when to make the decision to get married. Keith was planning on asking Larry that day his opinion about Keith proposing to me.
The fishing was tons of fun and we got another picture of us smiling from ear to ear with our fishing poles in the water. We all went back to their house and while Larry and Keith were downstairs cleaning the fish, Keith talked to him. I was upstairs with Wilma and was nervous as well, wondering what Larry would advise. Well, let's just say that Larry thought that it would be wonderful if Keith proposed. After they got upstairs, we had a joyous meal of fish and talked about more marriage issues and we received more valuable advice.
But...Keith told me that the actual proposal date was to be a surprise. It drove me crazy!!!
On May 7, 1999, I went over to Keith's house. I had a terrible headache and was lying on the couch. I was surprised with a dozen roses, but because of the headache, I was clueless as to what was about to happen. After an hour or so, the headache started to lighten. That's when he asked me to come in the other room with him. There he had another dozen roses and a jewelry box of his grandmother's that he had refinished and put our picture on from our walk around the lake. Inside was the engagement ring. Keith knelt down on one leg and asked me if I would marry him. Of course I enthusiastically said, "YES!!"
Things started to spin at this point. How soon could we get married? Keith felt that we should wait 6 months, so we agreed upon November 6th. The whirr of plans and preparation took over. There were so many details.
We went to pre-marriage counseling and because we had gone through "The Secret of Loving" already, there was little that we hadn't already discussed, and we received full blessing from Hal Baumchen.
There were some bumps in the road as far as I was concerned. A person can't have a history like mine without any consequences. I went to some counseling sessions and worked through many things. Keith graciously came with when asked and was extremely supportive.
Another thing that I did before the wedding day was spend two days at a place called Pacem in Terris. There are prayer cabins here for individuals only, no couples or parent/child. Just me and God. It was a 8' x 12' single-room cabin that housed a single bed, short counter with a jug of water and basin, gas lamp, rocking chair and small table and a huge window looking out into the woods. There was also a small screened-in "lean-to" with a hanging swing. There was an outhouse a short distance from the set of 3 cabins where I was staying. I was brought a basket with fruit and a small loaf of bread that was left in a wooden box outside the door. That was my food for the day. I saw one person while I was there when I went on a walk on a path through the woods, but there was no talking as that was the rules after the gate was passed into the area for the cabins. It was here that I did much reading, sleeping, praying, confessing and repenting.
I returned from that weekend changed in subtle, but lasting ways.
November 6th was soon arriving. Pastor Alan, our pastor at the time, had said on occasion, "God moves slow, but fast." That is how it felt. It took forever, it seemed, for the wedding day to arrive, yet as it did, things went SO fast.
Finally, it was November 5th...
Monday, October 10, 2005
The courtship-Part 5 of my testimony
I found out later that Keith was sure that I was planning on me saying that I didn't want to see him again, so he left the church service before it ended to avoid the conversation. Yet, he was confused because he said that I looked happy and excited to see him. At any rate, after the service, I was dismayed that he was gone.
The next cell group meeting came and Keith was there but seemed a bit uncomfortable and reserved. I found out later that he was trying to read my face the whole time. As we were heading to our cars afterward, I started the conversation. I explained why I needed to talk to him and the recommendation to have a couple to be accountable with. I didn't know what he would say to it. He looked at me and said, "Who are you thinking of?" I told him who and he agreed to ask them. I was beginning to get dizzy with excitement.
We set up a day to meet with Larry and Wilma. I had known them for quite a few years and greatly respected and admired them and their walk with the Lord. They asked Keith question after question and then said that they felt very comfortable with us "seeing" each other and that they would be willing to be accountable to. Keith and I went out to our vehicles and I took out a couple books on courtship. One in particular was, "Passion and Purity" by Elisabeth Elliot. I explained that I had wanted to court ever since I learned about it after the covenant the I had made with the Lord. He agreed.
A week or two later, Keith was extremely sick. I really didn't even realize at the time how sick he was, but he did say that he didn't do anything except sit in his recliner chair and read Elisabeth Elliot's book from cover to cover.
We started talking on the phone for hours each night and were learning about each other as fast as we could. We then decided to start writing emails and not talk on the phone as much. I had read something about how writing brings out a different perspective that can be informative and valuable. We did this for some time and I still have those treasured letters. Soon, the phone became the communication of choice again. :)
I'll never forget the time we drove down to my aunt and uncles house. On the way home, we held hands for the first time. It just happened. Our hands were getting sweatier with each mile, but neither of us would let go!
I then had the opportunity to move into the basement of some people I had met. The weekend of the move was the first time that my mom and sisters met Keith. It was an exciting and busy weekend. Later that week, he came over to my new residence to install a phone line. He came in overalls and I was head-over-heels in love... quite sure that he was "the one".
We went to Underwater World at the Mall of America one time and went to the airport to watch the planes take off and land another time. As they say, it really didn't matter where we were, just that we were together.
We decided that it was wise to limit how often we were together as desires were growing in each of us. A weekly date night was set up and we started going through Josh McDowell's book "The Secret Of Loving" while sitting at Baker's Square restaurant. We were to prepare one chapter for each date and then discuss it. It was an excellent book for us to examine tons of marital and relationship issues from family to money to values.
We talked about everything it seemed. I was more than ready to be engaged. So would he ask me to marry him??
The next cell group meeting came and Keith was there but seemed a bit uncomfortable and reserved. I found out later that he was trying to read my face the whole time. As we were heading to our cars afterward, I started the conversation. I explained why I needed to talk to him and the recommendation to have a couple to be accountable with. I didn't know what he would say to it. He looked at me and said, "Who are you thinking of?" I told him who and he agreed to ask them. I was beginning to get dizzy with excitement.
We set up a day to meet with Larry and Wilma. I had known them for quite a few years and greatly respected and admired them and their walk with the Lord. They asked Keith question after question and then said that they felt very comfortable with us "seeing" each other and that they would be willing to be accountable to. Keith and I went out to our vehicles and I took out a couple books on courtship. One in particular was, "Passion and Purity" by Elisabeth Elliot. I explained that I had wanted to court ever since I learned about it after the covenant the I had made with the Lord. He agreed.
A week or two later, Keith was extremely sick. I really didn't even realize at the time how sick he was, but he did say that he didn't do anything except sit in his recliner chair and read Elisabeth Elliot's book from cover to cover.
We started talking on the phone for hours each night and were learning about each other as fast as we could. We then decided to start writing emails and not talk on the phone as much. I had read something about how writing brings out a different perspective that can be informative and valuable. We did this for some time and I still have those treasured letters. Soon, the phone became the communication of choice again. :)
I'll never forget the time we drove down to my aunt and uncles house. On the way home, we held hands for the first time. It just happened. Our hands were getting sweatier with each mile, but neither of us would let go!
I then had the opportunity to move into the basement of some people I had met. The weekend of the move was the first time that my mom and sisters met Keith. It was an exciting and busy weekend. Later that week, he came over to my new residence to install a phone line. He came in overalls and I was head-over-heels in love... quite sure that he was "the one".
We went to Underwater World at the Mall of America one time and went to the airport to watch the planes take off and land another time. As they say, it really didn't matter where we were, just that we were together.
We decided that it was wise to limit how often we were together as desires were growing in each of us. A weekly date night was set up and we started going through Josh McDowell's book "The Secret Of Loving" while sitting at Baker's Square restaurant. We were to prepare one chapter for each date and then discuss it. It was an excellent book for us to examine tons of marital and relationship issues from family to money to values.
We talked about everything it seemed. I was more than ready to be engaged. So would he ask me to marry him??
Saturday, October 08, 2005
Meeting "him"-Part 4 of my testimony
I felt like I was living on my own for the first time in my life. No longer was I in a dorm room, living with friends while doing internships for occupational therapy, or living with anyone. It was a strange mixture of feeling lonely and independent. So, I tried to keep busy.
I was attending a "cell group" from our church, which is like a Bible study with the added focus of fellowship and accountability. One evening in mid-December 1998, this guy came that was the brother of one of the cell group members. My eyes turned, but I made myself not think about it too much.
A couple weeks later I was on a cruise with my sisters and my dad. I found out later that Keith finally worked up the nerve to call and ask me if I wanted to go out on a date, but I was not there. After I returned, he called again and I said that I would like to go on a date. It was January 17, 1999, and he was going to come to my church for the service and then we would go out to eat after that. His brother had recommended a neat Italian restaurant, so that was the plan. Unfortunately, he didn't know that it wasn't open on Sunday noon. He was beginning to get nervous when he returned to the truck after checking the hours sign on the door. We decided on a different retaurant and drove there. This one was closed due to having an employee day to watch the Vikings play the NFC championship football game. By this time, he was really nervous and embarressed. We went to the Olive Garden after this. It was open and we had a splendid time. Yes, I was nervous and felt out-of-breath at times talking to him, yet in many ways I was very at ease. It seemed like we could talk about everything and there wasn't any uncomfortable silences. He brought me back to the church parking lot. He was going to give me a kiss on the cheek. I said no. The he said, "Can I give you a hug?" I agreed to a side hug. I will admit that I was a bit guarded about relationships and didn't want to mess this one up by starting off too quickly.
When I got home, I called the couple that had counseled me regarding past relationships and had walked me through the covenent of purity until marriage. I told them that I really needed to talk to them as I had met "this guy". They were able to meet with me soon. I poured out my excitement and reservations about myself being ready for a relationship. They counseled me to choose a couple from the church that we both respected to mentor us and for us to be accountable to. "If this guy is worth any consideration, he will think this is a good idea. If he isn't, he won't want anything to do with it."
The next Sunday, Keith came to church and briefly talked to me before I had to go up to start praise and worship. He asked me if I would want to go out on another date. I knew that I needed to talk to him about the advice that I was given to have a couple mentor us, but there wasn't time right then, so I said, "Well, I have to talk to you about something first." His face fell, but there was nothing I could do, they were waiting for me up front. Before the service was totally ended, he had left.
I was attending a "cell group" from our church, which is like a Bible study with the added focus of fellowship and accountability. One evening in mid-December 1998, this guy came that was the brother of one of the cell group members. My eyes turned, but I made myself not think about it too much.
A couple weeks later I was on a cruise with my sisters and my dad. I found out later that Keith finally worked up the nerve to call and ask me if I wanted to go out on a date, but I was not there. After I returned, he called again and I said that I would like to go on a date. It was January 17, 1999, and he was going to come to my church for the service and then we would go out to eat after that. His brother had recommended a neat Italian restaurant, so that was the plan. Unfortunately, he didn't know that it wasn't open on Sunday noon. He was beginning to get nervous when he returned to the truck after checking the hours sign on the door. We decided on a different retaurant and drove there. This one was closed due to having an employee day to watch the Vikings play the NFC championship football game. By this time, he was really nervous and embarressed. We went to the Olive Garden after this. It was open and we had a splendid time. Yes, I was nervous and felt out-of-breath at times talking to him, yet in many ways I was very at ease. It seemed like we could talk about everything and there wasn't any uncomfortable silences. He brought me back to the church parking lot. He was going to give me a kiss on the cheek. I said no. The he said, "Can I give you a hug?" I agreed to a side hug. I will admit that I was a bit guarded about relationships and didn't want to mess this one up by starting off too quickly.
When I got home, I called the couple that had counseled me regarding past relationships and had walked me through the covenent of purity until marriage. I told them that I really needed to talk to them as I had met "this guy". They were able to meet with me soon. I poured out my excitement and reservations about myself being ready for a relationship. They counseled me to choose a couple from the church that we both respected to mentor us and for us to be accountable to. "If this guy is worth any consideration, he will think this is a good idea. If he isn't, he won't want anything to do with it."
The next Sunday, Keith came to church and briefly talked to me before I had to go up to start praise and worship. He asked me if I would want to go out on another date. I knew that I needed to talk to him about the advice that I was given to have a couple mentor us, but there wasn't time right then, so I said, "Well, I have to talk to you about something first." His face fell, but there was nothing I could do, they were waiting for me up front. Before the service was totally ended, he had left.
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Cozy days
For those of you that may be waiting for further episodes from my testimony...they will return after this post. :)
Fall...I love this time of year. We have had beautiful colors on the leaves and now they are starting to fall off. The temperatures are falling. I look forward to the last of the ragweed freezing and my allergies subsiding over winter.
Last night, we told our children that it may snow overnight. Our daughter was so excited. She kept talking about it and woke up looking out the window at...no snow. Then later this morning, even though it didn't show up on the weather radar, it starting snowing amongst the rain. This was all my daughter needed. She was off to get dressed in snowpants and all. It was short-lived and now all evidence that it even thought of snowing is gone. The sun is out.
Yet it is still chilly, so I sit in my snug, warm house and rinse dishes with our "free" hot water thanks to our outdoor wood boiler running since last weekend. Our concrete floor is now warm for bare feet. Hot water pipes going through concrete is a wonderful invention for heat.
I have an Autumn arrangement on the island counter in the kitchen and made my new favorite lunch of tomato avocado sandwiches. Thanks to generous friends, we have garden fresh tomatoes that go wonderfully on top of Miracle Whip spread bread...avocado slices, cheese and sprinkled basil on top. Broil the open-face sandwich to melt cheese and mmmmm!
Our 10 month old is getting around quite nicely-too nicely at times and puts absolutely everything in his mouth. I have raced him to a minute piece of paper, crayon or wrapper on many occasions. When he has gotten to the "prize" first, I have the privileged of doing the finger swipe that we are taught in CPR class. I told my husband that I don't remember our other children putting things in their mouths quite this bad. He states that they did, but then reminds me that we now have two older "helpers" that leave trails of things behind them. I have also had to save our crawling magnet from eminent danger from a falling piano bench. Who needs to play softball and slide into base when you can dive across the living room floor instead?
He is starting to put his head down when he crawls with purpose toward his goal...an open door, the open dishwasher, or down the hallway to where Mom is. Reminds me of buffalo that are charging at each other. He is quite like his older sister who did this. When she learned to run, which was simultaneous with walking, she would lean into the corners of the house at breakneck speed. I am trying to prepare myself for a repeat of that.
Earlier today we went outside while it was "snowing" to put away the last of sand toys, and rescued my son's "digger" for inside play over the winter. Now the children are supposedly sleeping, it's quiet and cozy.
I love the Fall...
Fall...I love this time of year. We have had beautiful colors on the leaves and now they are starting to fall off. The temperatures are falling. I look forward to the last of the ragweed freezing and my allergies subsiding over winter.
Last night, we told our children that it may snow overnight. Our daughter was so excited. She kept talking about it and woke up looking out the window at...no snow. Then later this morning, even though it didn't show up on the weather radar, it starting snowing amongst the rain. This was all my daughter needed. She was off to get dressed in snowpants and all. It was short-lived and now all evidence that it even thought of snowing is gone. The sun is out.
Yet it is still chilly, so I sit in my snug, warm house and rinse dishes with our "free" hot water thanks to our outdoor wood boiler running since last weekend. Our concrete floor is now warm for bare feet. Hot water pipes going through concrete is a wonderful invention for heat.
I have an Autumn arrangement on the island counter in the kitchen and made my new favorite lunch of tomato avocado sandwiches. Thanks to generous friends, we have garden fresh tomatoes that go wonderfully on top of Miracle Whip spread bread...avocado slices, cheese and sprinkled basil on top. Broil the open-face sandwich to melt cheese and mmmmm!
Our 10 month old is getting around quite nicely-too nicely at times and puts absolutely everything in his mouth. I have raced him to a minute piece of paper, crayon or wrapper on many occasions. When he has gotten to the "prize" first, I have the privileged of doing the finger swipe that we are taught in CPR class. I told my husband that I don't remember our other children putting things in their mouths quite this bad. He states that they did, but then reminds me that we now have two older "helpers" that leave trails of things behind them. I have also had to save our crawling magnet from eminent danger from a falling piano bench. Who needs to play softball and slide into base when you can dive across the living room floor instead?
He is starting to put his head down when he crawls with purpose toward his goal...an open door, the open dishwasher, or down the hallway to where Mom is. Reminds me of buffalo that are charging at each other. He is quite like his older sister who did this. When she learned to run, which was simultaneous with walking, she would lean into the corners of the house at breakneck speed. I am trying to prepare myself for a repeat of that.
Earlier today we went outside while it was "snowing" to put away the last of sand toys, and rescued my son's "digger" for inside play over the winter. Now the children are supposedly sleeping, it's quiet and cozy.
I love the Fall...
Monday, October 03, 2005
College Years- Part 3 of my testimony
I got my first car during my third year of college. It was a little Ford Festiva stick shift. I loved it! I finally looked up the church that I was invited to from people I met on the mission trip to Mexico. It was a Charismatic church and I was soon invited to be part of the praise and worship team. After I had left Music therapy, I realized how immeshed performance was in my singing. I had decided that I wasn't going to sing if that was all it was. I didn't sing for a year or so. Now I was wanting to only to sing for the Lord. The praise and worship team seemed to be the ticket. You can't sing on a praise and worship team for performance can you? Even though I didn't want to admit it at the time, performance again crept in as I sang in front of the congregation.
Do I look like I'm in the presence of the Lord? If I look like I'm in the presence of the Lord, it will help everyone else be in the presence of the Lord.
Smile, remember to smile...their watching.
Am I on top of that tone? I can't be flat.
I can't hear myself in my speaker. I have to hear myself! How will I know if the balance is right?
I need to sing that descant a little louder so it can be heard.
On and on it went...
I got to know another couple from church and was talking with them about continued struggles in dealing with past relationships. They spent many hours with me in their home. I will never forget what they finally said. "Heidi, there's nothing more we can do for you. You need to decide whether you are going to live with one foot in the world and one foot in the Kingdom or totally live for the Lord." After a couple months of soul searching, I returned to them to let them know that I decided to totally live for the Lord. They then had a "covenant" ceremony with me in which I promised to live s-xually pure until marriage. I lived up to that covenant.
Despite all this, I still became part of an emotionally unhealthy relationship with another woman. I wanted someone to confide in and to "take care of me". She did that. I eventually graduated from college with my degree and moved in with her.
I was able to get an on-call position at a local rehabilitation facility that later turned into a full-time position. I loved that job. I worked with those with spinal cord injuries and congenital disabilities such as cerebral palsy and spina bifida. I also learned technology for environmental access for those with spinal cord injuries and Lou Gehrig's disease. In many ways, that job was another of God's gift to me.
During this time, a spiritual leader, after I had confided about my situation, told me in no uncertain terms that I needed to move out from living in the home with this woman...NOW. I got an apartment. I was lonely, yet felt that this was right. But now what?
Do I look like I'm in the presence of the Lord? If I look like I'm in the presence of the Lord, it will help everyone else be in the presence of the Lord.
Smile, remember to smile...their watching.
Am I on top of that tone? I can't be flat.
I can't hear myself in my speaker. I have to hear myself! How will I know if the balance is right?
I need to sing that descant a little louder so it can be heard.
On and on it went...
I got to know another couple from church and was talking with them about continued struggles in dealing with past relationships. They spent many hours with me in their home. I will never forget what they finally said. "Heidi, there's nothing more we can do for you. You need to decide whether you are going to live with one foot in the world and one foot in the Kingdom or totally live for the Lord." After a couple months of soul searching, I returned to them to let them know that I decided to totally live for the Lord. They then had a "covenant" ceremony with me in which I promised to live s-xually pure until marriage. I lived up to that covenant.
Despite all this, I still became part of an emotionally unhealthy relationship with another woman. I wanted someone to confide in and to "take care of me". She did that. I eventually graduated from college with my degree and moved in with her.
I was able to get an on-call position at a local rehabilitation facility that later turned into a full-time position. I loved that job. I worked with those with spinal cord injuries and congenital disabilities such as cerebral palsy and spina bifida. I also learned technology for environmental access for those with spinal cord injuries and Lou Gehrig's disease. In many ways, that job was another of God's gift to me.
During this time, a spiritual leader, after I had confided about my situation, told me in no uncertain terms that I needed to move out from living in the home with this woman...NOW. I got an apartment. I was lonely, yet felt that this was right. But now what?
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