College Years- Part 3 of my testimony

I got my first car during my third year of college. It was a little Ford Festiva stick shift. I loved it! I finally looked up the church that I was invited to from people I met on the mission trip to Mexico. It was a Charismatic church and I was soon invited to be part of the praise and worship team. After I had left Music therapy, I realized how immeshed performance was in my singing. I had decided that I wasn't going to sing if that was all it was. I didn't sing for a year or so. Now I was wanting to only to sing for the Lord. The praise and worship team seemed to be the ticket. You can't sing on a praise and worship team for performance can you? Even though I didn't want to admit it at the time, performance again crept in as I sang in front of the congregation.

Do I look like I'm in the presence of the Lord? If I look like I'm in the presence of the Lord, it will help everyone else be in the presence of the Lord.
Smile, remember to smile...their watching.
Am I on top of that tone? I can't be flat.
I can't hear myself in my speaker. I have to hear myself! How will I know if the balance is right?
I need to sing that descant a little louder so it can be heard.
On and on it went...

I got to know another couple from church and was talking with them about continued struggles in dealing with past relationships. They spent many hours with me in their home. I will never forget what they finally said. "Heidi, there's nothing more we can do for you. You need to decide whether you are going to live with one foot in the world and one foot in the Kingdom or totally live for the Lord." After a couple months of soul searching, I returned to them to let them know that I decided to totally live for the Lord. They then had a "covenant" ceremony with me in which I promised to live s-xually pure until marriage. I lived up to that covenant.

Despite all this, I still became part of an emotionally unhealthy relationship with another woman. I wanted someone to confide in and to "take care of me". She did that. I eventually graduated from college with my degree and moved in with her.

I was able to get an on-call position at a local rehabilitation facility that later turned into a full-time position. I loved that job. I worked with those with spinal cord injuries and congenital disabilities such as cerebral palsy and spina bifida. I also learned technology for environmental access for those with spinal cord injuries and Lou Gehrig's disease. In many ways, that job was another of God's gift to me.

During this time, a spiritual leader, after I had confided about my situation, told me in no uncertain terms that I needed to move out from living in the home with this woman...NOW. I got an apartment. I was lonely, yet felt that this was right. But now what?