The question of fulfillment

I just received notification of an upcoming 10 year reunion for my college graduating class. Ten years, has it been that long? After graduating as an occupational therapist, I worked at a rehabilitation center. It was a challenging and exciting career. I met wonderful people that were working at getting their lives back after a spinal cord injury, or helping young adults with spina bifida prepare for living "on their own" for the first time. I was part of a team that set up augmentative communication devices (computers that talk) for those with Lou Gehrig's Disease (Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis) who had lost their ability to speak during the downward spiral of this incurable disease. I loved my job. Before I was married, I went down to part-time and when we moved "up north" I worked as an on-call therapist at a local hospital.

Now, God has blessed us with three children. I'm not currently working outside the home. Linda Hirshman claims that I am just another example of how the feminist movement has failed. In fact, I am threat to society according to her.

I wouldn't say that I don't miss therapy work at times. In so many ways it would be easier to drop my children off at day care and "have a break" as the advice goes. But, is that what God wants for our family? Is that God's highest for me, personally, at this point in time? If I run off to work so that I can "get away", "talk to adults for awhile", and "challenge my brain", I am side stepping the character that God is working to instill within me. What about the steadfastness and consistency that I need to learn? What about the anger and frustration that needs to be dealt with? What about being willing to be the part of the body of Christ that is content with not being in the spotlight and learning to be humble? What of learning to be a true, died-to-self servant...learning to be like Christ? Can God get to these character qualities through means other than being a stay-at-home mother? Yes. Has God asked me to stay at home to help shave off the sharp edges in my character and teach me some very valuable lessons that would be much harder to learn if I was working outside the home? Absolutely. Is God blessing me abundantly with a sense of fulfillment for this venture? Oh, yes!

Elisabeth Elliot challenges this idea that women are more fulfilled in the business world.

"It's interesting to note a growing swell of disillusionment among women of the world. They're beginning to discover that the "fulfillment" they had sought in the business or professional world hasn't proved to be all that fulfilling. For many of them it's more like a sucked-out lemon.

Not long ago on the "Today Show" Jane Pauley hosted a TV special on working women. She's one herself, and I have a hunch she was wondering if other women had any unconfessed misgivings about the joys of a career. Is a career really stimulating? Is it really more "creative" than mothering or homemaking? Is it satisfying? Is it fun? Has it brought the fulfillment it promised? Her show was not a parade of happy faces. Women actually looked straight into the cameras and admitted they'd been had. They were willing to change their whole life-style, make sacrifices, do whatever was necessary, to get out of the work world. Several hard-driving executive types said they were going home to take care of their children. One newspaper columnist described the results of the new forms of child rearing as 'emotional carnage.'"

There's no more fulfilling thing than seeing the child that you have sacrificed for, trained, and prayed for day in and day out start to "get it" or to get an uninitiated hug and "I love you". Why is it that so many now-grown children whose mother's did not work outside the home have such fond memories of their mothers just always being there? Doing what God calls us to do isn't always glamorous. We hear about the worth and value of the person that does the behind-the-scenes work. Are we willing to fill that role, or deep down do we want some attention and pats on the back (oh, and we'll just make sure to acknowlege and thank those behind-the-scene people)?

Following a special vacation to honor her mother-in-law and celebrate her life, Ann paints a picture of what made her 70-some years was so special. It was not the showy, see-me-now experiences. It was her consistent servant heart toward her family, full of humble, lived-out examples of placing God first. Here Ann describes their days with them and her introspective thoughts:

"The gentle sway of Mom and Dad’s days lulled me into a peace. Early morning found us in the lanai serving Mom and Dad fried eggs and bacon as the sun’s flooding glow burned off the drifting fog. After cleaning up breakfast, I'd hang out the laundry in the lingering mist before the high tide of heat rushed in. Mom would then call us for squeezed orange juice in the sunroom, to watch with her for painted buntings and egrets. Every gathering at the table opened with bowed heads and concluded with a reading of His Word…and the quiet savoring of Him.

Where were the mountain top experiences of Mom’s life? Could the simple beauty of her routines and rhythms orchestrate a life of such glorious melody? ...
...Mom’s answer lay unassumingly on her counter: lists scrawled in her Dutch handwriting. Do the Next Thing. One task at a time. Day after Day. Notebooks full of years of lists: polish Sunday shoes, write letters to the grandchildren, deliver meals to shut-ins, tend to mending pile, fold and put away laundry. Faithfully doing the little things, taking His grace to just do today, the adding up of a life."

Being faithful to the call of being a stay-at-home mother, that's what I want.

Do the next thing. One task at a time. Day after day.

Yes.

Then, in the comment section of this post, Ann wrote:

"During the gala for my parents in laws 50th in Florida, each of the 8 couples celebrating the milestone (they live in a seniors community) were interviewed, sort of a panoramic overview of each couple’s life—and one realizes what REALLY matters when you are 70yrs old plus. It all comes down to the quality of relationships: with your Lord, with your spouse, and with your kids. THAT’s IT. One of the couples were ultra-wealthy (given away millions in charity and had founded nationally known tourist attractions and had been recognized by the CDN government for involvement with community-minded organizations–again, I didn’t know who they were!)…and sitting up there all you were wanted to hear about was if they really loved each other and what about their kids. The rest just DID NOT matter. An eye-opening experience." (emphasis mine)

So why am I home instead of in the workforce? God called me to be home. He's shaving off sharp corners. He's holding my hand as I grow in relationship with Him, with my husband, with my children.

It is demanding.
It is challenging and painful at times.
It is brain warping.
It's life changing.
It's fulfilling.
It's where I need to be.
And, in my heart of hearts, it's where I really want to be.