Holly over at ChoosingHome (click on side bar) recently wrote of "The Perspective of Grief". Another reminder of the frailty of our life on this earth and to be thankful for the "right now". If you read it, be ready to cry.
My mother told me that when my sisters and I were young, she told herself, "The day will come when the toys are always put away and the house is clean...and I won't like that either." How many times have I been reminded to enjoy the moment from those words!
So as my children make a "house" out of couch cushions, blankets, totes or whatever AGAIN, I am thankful. As they set up chairs in a row and play church, taking turns leading songs and preaching, I am thankful. As I read my Bible and find scribbling with my highlighters or sit at my sewing machine and see the marker artwork, I am thankful for my son. When my eyes rest again on the scrape in the new sheetrock, I am thankful because I am reminded of how my child tried to quietly move the chair by picking it up instead of pushing it along the floor. As I wipe up the spills on the stovetop, I am thankful for my daughter who wants to help. As I pick up the contents of our bookshelf, 3 feet and below, and put the books back for the umteenth time, I am thankful for my baby.
It seems that the older I get and the children grow, I cherish each moment more.
When my 11 month old was not feeling well and was only happy when I held him...so be it. I can clean later.
Sleeping with my 3 year old son when he was quite sick, was not a drudgery of mother responsibility.
When my children continually ask me to read them a story I love to oblige.
As my children squeal with glee as they take a horsey ride on Keith's back or tussle on the floor, I am thankful for a house full of joy...God's gracious answer to my prayers.
And, as we pack up the entire house, it seems, to drive 18 hours to see Grandpa, I am thankful.
Talk with you in a couple weeks!
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Saturday, November 19, 2005
Multi-generational mama wisdom
I will never forget the advice and wisdom that I was given a few years ago. My son, though a very happy child, was going through something...teething, stomach ache...something. As someone said recently about her daughter, he was not fit to be around.
In response to my story of woe, she told me of her experience with her first child. He was a few months old and was waking up every hour all through the day and night to nurse... and he nursed for half an hour. She, being a new mom, didn't know what to do. She was exhausted and on the verge of a nervous breakdown. He'd wake up screaming, she'd feed him and he'd stop screaming. "He must be hungry." She'd lay him down. He'd wake up 1/2 hour later screaming. She'd nurse him and he'd stop screaming. "He must have been hungry." Over and over and over.
She was relaying her story of woe to whom she called a "wise older lady", who said to her:
"I want you to go to the cemetary. Walk all through it... looking at all the gravestones, especially the ones of the children that died in infancy
...not a one of them died from crying."
She learned to train him to sleep longer between feedings. She was actually giving him a stomach ache from feeding him so often.
Lest you think that I took this advice as permission to not care and comfort my child, I am learning more and more about sacrifice on behalf of my children. That is God's plan for mothers...it's one of the ways He molds us, shapes us, prunes us, and bring's us closer to the image of Christ. My desires need to take a back seat. I need to place God, my husband and my children before myself. Dying to self...
That said, there are times in life (which seem like eternity at the time) in which my child cannot be comforted or needs to be trained to sleep for longer segments of time...and I am exhausted and can't think clearly anymore...I am reminded that he will not die from crying and after I get a short reprieve, I will be a much better mama.
In response to my story of woe, she told me of her experience with her first child. He was a few months old and was waking up every hour all through the day and night to nurse... and he nursed for half an hour. She, being a new mom, didn't know what to do. She was exhausted and on the verge of a nervous breakdown. He'd wake up screaming, she'd feed him and he'd stop screaming. "He must be hungry." She'd lay him down. He'd wake up 1/2 hour later screaming. She'd nurse him and he'd stop screaming. "He must have been hungry." Over and over and over.
She was relaying her story of woe to whom she called a "wise older lady", who said to her:
"I want you to go to the cemetary. Walk all through it... looking at all the gravestones, especially the ones of the children that died in infancy
...not a one of them died from crying."
She learned to train him to sleep longer between feedings. She was actually giving him a stomach ache from feeding him so often.
Lest you think that I took this advice as permission to not care and comfort my child, I am learning more and more about sacrifice on behalf of my children. That is God's plan for mothers...it's one of the ways He molds us, shapes us, prunes us, and bring's us closer to the image of Christ. My desires need to take a back seat. I need to place God, my husband and my children before myself. Dying to self...
That said, there are times in life (which seem like eternity at the time) in which my child cannot be comforted or needs to be trained to sleep for longer segments of time...and I am exhausted and can't think clearly anymore...I am reminded that he will not die from crying and after I get a short reprieve, I will be a much better mama.
Monday, November 14, 2005
Following Directions
I've started a larger project of late. Insulated curtains. It took me forever, it seemed, to measure, plan, and determine all the needed supplies (special material, rings, cord, pulleys, magnets, side-draw kit). I sweated over it many times. These are no simple gathered curtains. There is a specific way to make them such that they will "seal" around the window. Good idea. Good theory.
With gathered curtains, there is quite a bit of breathing room in which they will still look just fine. When the curtain has to fit the window perfectly, that's another story.
I finally got to the day that I felt fairly confident enough to place the order. So, with that done, I waited with semi-anticipation for the order. It's always exciting to get a package, but that would mean that I would have to start making these things and what if I messed them up to the point that I was short on materials?
Last week, Keith got the trim up on one window and there was no more procrastinating. I had to start. Even though I had probably read the directions a dozen times before ordering, I was just plain confused as to how they wanted me to cut this material. I called the company, but didn't get any solid explanation. Finally, I went ahead and cut it. I held it up at the window. "I think this looks right."
I was meticulous with the procedure and when I was done, I had every anticipation that they would work, although I couldn't understand why I had to have this extra 6" added on to the material, per instructions. After all, this company has been around for many years. Surely they have all the kinks out of their directions.
Keith and I measured the curtain width again before mounting. Something was very wrong. I had an extra 14+"! I was flabbergasted. "I followed the directions!" I couldn't exactly rip it out and start over. Imagine spray adhesive and "Steam-a-seam". As the curtains lay over the recliner and we were trying to figure out what to do, Keith said, "Well, they look real good." He's so supportive. We finally decided to cut the track the length that it was supposed to be, put the curtain up and see what it looked like. Not horrible, but not nice and flat like it is supposed to be.
On to curtain #2. I again break into a sweat as I read and re-read the directions on how to cut the size, trying to understand this elusive 6". Finally, the light bulb goes on. "Oh!!" No, I'm not supposed to have an extra 6". I just couldn't seem to comprehend it before. The directions weren't wrong. I didn't understand the directions. So, I'm off to make this next set, with a bit more confidence.
Many times it seems that reading the Bible is like that for me. I'll read a portion and really don't "get it". Sometimes I will take out a Bible dictionary or concordance and that helps bring it to light. Other times, I will be listening to my pastor, reading a book on the particular passage or topic, discussing it with Keith or others, or meditating on it. All of a sudden the bulb goes on and I can envision God saying with a smile, "We...have...CONTACT!"
The Bible wasn't wrong, I just didn't understand the "directions" before. How thankful I am for the Holy Spirit to help bring to light the grace and truth in God's Word that brings life eternal.
Recently I heard a suggestion for personal devotion time. The speaker described his devotional format from over the last year. He picked a portion of Scripture, usually at least a chapter, and read it over and over and over for a week or two. At first it seemed mundane to him. Then after the 3rd or 4th day, a bright glow would inevitably form as the light bulb came on and he would say, "I didn't see that before!"
I understand the feeling.
With gathered curtains, there is quite a bit of breathing room in which they will still look just fine. When the curtain has to fit the window perfectly, that's another story.
I finally got to the day that I felt fairly confident enough to place the order. So, with that done, I waited with semi-anticipation for the order. It's always exciting to get a package, but that would mean that I would have to start making these things and what if I messed them up to the point that I was short on materials?
Last week, Keith got the trim up on one window and there was no more procrastinating. I had to start. Even though I had probably read the directions a dozen times before ordering, I was just plain confused as to how they wanted me to cut this material. I called the company, but didn't get any solid explanation. Finally, I went ahead and cut it. I held it up at the window. "I think this looks right."
I was meticulous with the procedure and when I was done, I had every anticipation that they would work, although I couldn't understand why I had to have this extra 6" added on to the material, per instructions. After all, this company has been around for many years. Surely they have all the kinks out of their directions.
Keith and I measured the curtain width again before mounting. Something was very wrong. I had an extra 14+"! I was flabbergasted. "I followed the directions!" I couldn't exactly rip it out and start over. Imagine spray adhesive and "Steam-a-seam". As the curtains lay over the recliner and we were trying to figure out what to do, Keith said, "Well, they look real good." He's so supportive. We finally decided to cut the track the length that it was supposed to be, put the curtain up and see what it looked like. Not horrible, but not nice and flat like it is supposed to be.
On to curtain #2. I again break into a sweat as I read and re-read the directions on how to cut the size, trying to understand this elusive 6". Finally, the light bulb goes on. "Oh!!" No, I'm not supposed to have an extra 6". I just couldn't seem to comprehend it before. The directions weren't wrong. I didn't understand the directions. So, I'm off to make this next set, with a bit more confidence.
Many times it seems that reading the Bible is like that for me. I'll read a portion and really don't "get it". Sometimes I will take out a Bible dictionary or concordance and that helps bring it to light. Other times, I will be listening to my pastor, reading a book on the particular passage or topic, discussing it with Keith or others, or meditating on it. All of a sudden the bulb goes on and I can envision God saying with a smile, "We...have...CONTACT!"
The Bible wasn't wrong, I just didn't understand the "directions" before. How thankful I am for the Holy Spirit to help bring to light the grace and truth in God's Word that brings life eternal.
Recently I heard a suggestion for personal devotion time. The speaker described his devotional format from over the last year. He picked a portion of Scripture, usually at least a chapter, and read it over and over and over for a week or two. At first it seemed mundane to him. Then after the 3rd or 4th day, a bright glow would inevitably form as the light bulb came on and he would say, "I didn't see that before!"
I understand the feeling.
Monday, November 07, 2005
Failing Well
Almost every parent I know wants to learn how to parent better. We want to instill Godly character and help our children learn of the Lord and help to guide them in the ways of Truth. We want them to love God and love others, be a light in the spiritual darkness and a role model such that they would help others up instead of pull them down. We want them to be compassionate and generous no matter how tired they are.
Most often, the counsel is, "Your children will observe you. You need to be the example." So, if they see despair, they will learn despair. If they see anger, they will learn to be angry. If they see compassion, they will learn to be compassionate. If they see hope, they will learn to be hopeful. Can't disagree with this...I have seen it. In fact, this has been one of my biggest frustrations about myself. If I don't respond correctly, how can I expect them to respond correctly?
But, what if it was possible for parents to be absolutely perfect in their responses and reactions from the time the children were born. Would the children grow up to be perfect?
Of course not.
This was asked one time during one of these discussions and it brought about the point that each person has to grow to make good and Godly decisions on their own. We are all fallen creatures needing a Savior, born with a sinful nature needing redemption.
So then, the question becomes, what would be a better example, even than being the "perfect" parent? Our conclusion was that we, as parents, need to learn how to fail well.
It takes a lot of humility to say, "I'm sorry. I was wrong. Will you forgive me?" to your 4 year old, but what are they learning? They are learning that we all fail and when we do, we need to repent and ask for forgiveness. They begin to be exposed to how to forgive. They start to learn why we all need a Savior.
My children have always forgiven me. No matter how difficult it may be to humble myself and admit that I was wrong, it feels so good afterward... and I'm glad they see that.
Most often, the counsel is, "Your children will observe you. You need to be the example." So, if they see despair, they will learn despair. If they see anger, they will learn to be angry. If they see compassion, they will learn to be compassionate. If they see hope, they will learn to be hopeful. Can't disagree with this...I have seen it. In fact, this has been one of my biggest frustrations about myself. If I don't respond correctly, how can I expect them to respond correctly?
But, what if it was possible for parents to be absolutely perfect in their responses and reactions from the time the children were born. Would the children grow up to be perfect?
Of course not.
This was asked one time during one of these discussions and it brought about the point that each person has to grow to make good and Godly decisions on their own. We are all fallen creatures needing a Savior, born with a sinful nature needing redemption.
So then, the question becomes, what would be a better example, even than being the "perfect" parent? Our conclusion was that we, as parents, need to learn how to fail well.
It takes a lot of humility to say, "I'm sorry. I was wrong. Will you forgive me?" to your 4 year old, but what are they learning? They are learning that we all fail and when we do, we need to repent and ask for forgiveness. They begin to be exposed to how to forgive. They start to learn why we all need a Savior.
My children have always forgiven me. No matter how difficult it may be to humble myself and admit that I was wrong, it feels so good afterward... and I'm glad they see that.
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Addendum
I need to made an addendum to the post that I wrote earlier today. Honestly, I was just listing off things that people may do to deliver God's gifts to us. I didn't have any particular situation in mind, yet God does have a sense of humor and is always looking for ways to bless us. So today when I was leaving Walmart and was pushing one cart and pulling another (which I do VERY frequently it seems), one of the employees in the parking lot that collects carts saw me and offered to push one of my carts to the car! This has never happened before. Yes, I thanked him and yes, I made sure to thank the Lord for His gift.
The delivery man
Over the past week or so, we have had a lot of delivery trucks come to our house. There is a flurry of excitement every time that brown box truck comes into our driveway. The children can't get to the door fast enough. In amongst the needed supplies have been a few items for them. Even though I have tried to explain how deliveries are made (start at a store/warehouse/house, travels on a truck, goes to another warehouse, then another truck or plane, and eventually driven to our house), my son is still convinced that the delivery man gave it to us. I guess he is right. The delivery man did hand it to us with a smile. The UPS man has also had a few different names. Yesterday he was the "ABC man". This morning my 3 year old said emphatically, "The CPS man gave it to us!" He's getting closer...
Come to think of it, I often confuse the deliverer with the Giver. There is a definite place to thank those that deliver the gifts given from the "Giver of all good things". What if that person would not have been willing to deliver the word of encouragement, the meal or the helping hand in pushing the extra cart out to the car? But I often forget that the gift originated at the inexhaustible warehouse of our Heavenly Father.
May I never forget to thank the Giver even more than the deliverer.
Come to think of it, I often confuse the deliverer with the Giver. There is a definite place to thank those that deliver the gifts given from the "Giver of all good things". What if that person would not have been willing to deliver the word of encouragement, the meal or the helping hand in pushing the extra cart out to the car? But I often forget that the gift originated at the inexhaustible warehouse of our Heavenly Father.
May I never forget to thank the Giver even more than the deliverer.
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above,
and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither
shadow of turning.James 1:17
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