Holly over at ChoosingHome (click on side bar) recently wrote of "The Perspective of Grief". Another reminder of the frailty of our life on this earth and to be thankful for the "right now". If you read it, be ready to cry.
My mother told me that when my sisters and I were young, she told herself, "The day will come when the toys are always put away and the house is clean...and I won't like that either." How many times have I been reminded to enjoy the moment from those words!
So as my children make a "house" out of couch cushions, blankets, totes or whatever AGAIN, I am thankful. As they set up chairs in a row and play church, taking turns leading songs and preaching, I am thankful. As I read my Bible and find scribbling with my highlighters or sit at my sewing machine and see the marker artwork, I am thankful for my son. When my eyes rest again on the scrape in the new sheetrock, I am thankful because I am reminded of how my child tried to quietly move the chair by picking it up instead of pushing it along the floor. As I wipe up the spills on the stovetop, I am thankful for my daughter who wants to help. As I pick up the contents of our bookshelf, 3 feet and below, and put the books back for the umteenth time, I am thankful for my baby.
It seems that the older I get and the children grow, I cherish each moment more.
When my 11 month old was not feeling well and was only happy when I held him...so be it. I can clean later.
Sleeping with my 3 year old son when he was quite sick, was not a drudgery of mother responsibility.
When my children continually ask me to read them a story I love to oblige.
As my children squeal with glee as they take a horsey ride on Keith's back or tussle on the floor, I am thankful for a house full of joy...God's gracious answer to my prayers.
And, as we pack up the entire house, it seems, to drive 18 hours to see Grandpa, I am thankful.
Talk with you in a couple weeks!
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Saturday, November 19, 2005
Multi-generational mama wisdom
I will never forget the advice and wisdom that I was given a few years ago. My son, though a very happy child, was going through something...teething, stomach ache...something. As someone said recently about her daughter, he was not fit to be around.
In response to my story of woe, she told me of her experience with her first child. He was a few months old and was waking up every hour all through the day and night to nurse... and he nursed for half an hour. She, being a new mom, didn't know what to do. She was exhausted and on the verge of a nervous breakdown. He'd wake up screaming, she'd feed him and he'd stop screaming. "He must be hungry." She'd lay him down. He'd wake up 1/2 hour later screaming. She'd nurse him and he'd stop screaming. "He must have been hungry." Over and over and over.
She was relaying her story of woe to whom she called a "wise older lady", who said to her:
"I want you to go to the cemetary. Walk all through it... looking at all the gravestones, especially the ones of the children that died in infancy
...not a one of them died from crying."
She learned to train him to sleep longer between feedings. She was actually giving him a stomach ache from feeding him so often.
Lest you think that I took this advice as permission to not care and comfort my child, I am learning more and more about sacrifice on behalf of my children. That is God's plan for mothers...it's one of the ways He molds us, shapes us, prunes us, and bring's us closer to the image of Christ. My desires need to take a back seat. I need to place God, my husband and my children before myself. Dying to self...
That said, there are times in life (which seem like eternity at the time) in which my child cannot be comforted or needs to be trained to sleep for longer segments of time...and I am exhausted and can't think clearly anymore...I am reminded that he will not die from crying and after I get a short reprieve, I will be a much better mama.
In response to my story of woe, she told me of her experience with her first child. He was a few months old and was waking up every hour all through the day and night to nurse... and he nursed for half an hour. She, being a new mom, didn't know what to do. She was exhausted and on the verge of a nervous breakdown. He'd wake up screaming, she'd feed him and he'd stop screaming. "He must be hungry." She'd lay him down. He'd wake up 1/2 hour later screaming. She'd nurse him and he'd stop screaming. "He must have been hungry." Over and over and over.
She was relaying her story of woe to whom she called a "wise older lady", who said to her:
"I want you to go to the cemetary. Walk all through it... looking at all the gravestones, especially the ones of the children that died in infancy
...not a one of them died from crying."
She learned to train him to sleep longer between feedings. She was actually giving him a stomach ache from feeding him so often.
Lest you think that I took this advice as permission to not care and comfort my child, I am learning more and more about sacrifice on behalf of my children. That is God's plan for mothers...it's one of the ways He molds us, shapes us, prunes us, and bring's us closer to the image of Christ. My desires need to take a back seat. I need to place God, my husband and my children before myself. Dying to self...
That said, there are times in life (which seem like eternity at the time) in which my child cannot be comforted or needs to be trained to sleep for longer segments of time...and I am exhausted and can't think clearly anymore...I am reminded that he will not die from crying and after I get a short reprieve, I will be a much better mama.
Monday, November 14, 2005
Following Directions
I've started a larger project of late. Insulated curtains. It took me forever, it seemed, to measure, plan, and determine all the needed supplies (special material, rings, cord, pulleys, magnets, side-draw kit). I sweated over it many times. These are no simple gathered curtains. There is a specific way to make them such that they will "seal" around the window. Good idea. Good theory.
With gathered curtains, there is quite a bit of breathing room in which they will still look just fine. When the curtain has to fit the window perfectly, that's another story.
I finally got to the day that I felt fairly confident enough to place the order. So, with that done, I waited with semi-anticipation for the order. It's always exciting to get a package, but that would mean that I would have to start making these things and what if I messed them up to the point that I was short on materials?
Last week, Keith got the trim up on one window and there was no more procrastinating. I had to start. Even though I had probably read the directions a dozen times before ordering, I was just plain confused as to how they wanted me to cut this material. I called the company, but didn't get any solid explanation. Finally, I went ahead and cut it. I held it up at the window. "I think this looks right."
I was meticulous with the procedure and when I was done, I had every anticipation that they would work, although I couldn't understand why I had to have this extra 6" added on to the material, per instructions. After all, this company has been around for many years. Surely they have all the kinks out of their directions.
Keith and I measured the curtain width again before mounting. Something was very wrong. I had an extra 14+"! I was flabbergasted. "I followed the directions!" I couldn't exactly rip it out and start over. Imagine spray adhesive and "Steam-a-seam". As the curtains lay over the recliner and we were trying to figure out what to do, Keith said, "Well, they look real good." He's so supportive. We finally decided to cut the track the length that it was supposed to be, put the curtain up and see what it looked like. Not horrible, but not nice and flat like it is supposed to be.
On to curtain #2. I again break into a sweat as I read and re-read the directions on how to cut the size, trying to understand this elusive 6". Finally, the light bulb goes on. "Oh!!" No, I'm not supposed to have an extra 6". I just couldn't seem to comprehend it before. The directions weren't wrong. I didn't understand the directions. So, I'm off to make this next set, with a bit more confidence.
Many times it seems that reading the Bible is like that for me. I'll read a portion and really don't "get it". Sometimes I will take out a Bible dictionary or concordance and that helps bring it to light. Other times, I will be listening to my pastor, reading a book on the particular passage or topic, discussing it with Keith or others, or meditating on it. All of a sudden the bulb goes on and I can envision God saying with a smile, "We...have...CONTACT!"
The Bible wasn't wrong, I just didn't understand the "directions" before. How thankful I am for the Holy Spirit to help bring to light the grace and truth in God's Word that brings life eternal.
Recently I heard a suggestion for personal devotion time. The speaker described his devotional format from over the last year. He picked a portion of Scripture, usually at least a chapter, and read it over and over and over for a week or two. At first it seemed mundane to him. Then after the 3rd or 4th day, a bright glow would inevitably form as the light bulb came on and he would say, "I didn't see that before!"
I understand the feeling.
With gathered curtains, there is quite a bit of breathing room in which they will still look just fine. When the curtain has to fit the window perfectly, that's another story.
I finally got to the day that I felt fairly confident enough to place the order. So, with that done, I waited with semi-anticipation for the order. It's always exciting to get a package, but that would mean that I would have to start making these things and what if I messed them up to the point that I was short on materials?
Last week, Keith got the trim up on one window and there was no more procrastinating. I had to start. Even though I had probably read the directions a dozen times before ordering, I was just plain confused as to how they wanted me to cut this material. I called the company, but didn't get any solid explanation. Finally, I went ahead and cut it. I held it up at the window. "I think this looks right."
I was meticulous with the procedure and when I was done, I had every anticipation that they would work, although I couldn't understand why I had to have this extra 6" added on to the material, per instructions. After all, this company has been around for many years. Surely they have all the kinks out of their directions.
Keith and I measured the curtain width again before mounting. Something was very wrong. I had an extra 14+"! I was flabbergasted. "I followed the directions!" I couldn't exactly rip it out and start over. Imagine spray adhesive and "Steam-a-seam". As the curtains lay over the recliner and we were trying to figure out what to do, Keith said, "Well, they look real good." He's so supportive. We finally decided to cut the track the length that it was supposed to be, put the curtain up and see what it looked like. Not horrible, but not nice and flat like it is supposed to be.
On to curtain #2. I again break into a sweat as I read and re-read the directions on how to cut the size, trying to understand this elusive 6". Finally, the light bulb goes on. "Oh!!" No, I'm not supposed to have an extra 6". I just couldn't seem to comprehend it before. The directions weren't wrong. I didn't understand the directions. So, I'm off to make this next set, with a bit more confidence.
Many times it seems that reading the Bible is like that for me. I'll read a portion and really don't "get it". Sometimes I will take out a Bible dictionary or concordance and that helps bring it to light. Other times, I will be listening to my pastor, reading a book on the particular passage or topic, discussing it with Keith or others, or meditating on it. All of a sudden the bulb goes on and I can envision God saying with a smile, "We...have...CONTACT!"
The Bible wasn't wrong, I just didn't understand the "directions" before. How thankful I am for the Holy Spirit to help bring to light the grace and truth in God's Word that brings life eternal.
Recently I heard a suggestion for personal devotion time. The speaker described his devotional format from over the last year. He picked a portion of Scripture, usually at least a chapter, and read it over and over and over for a week or two. At first it seemed mundane to him. Then after the 3rd or 4th day, a bright glow would inevitably form as the light bulb came on and he would say, "I didn't see that before!"
I understand the feeling.
Monday, November 07, 2005
Failing Well
Almost every parent I know wants to learn how to parent better. We want to instill Godly character and help our children learn of the Lord and help to guide them in the ways of Truth. We want them to love God and love others, be a light in the spiritual darkness and a role model such that they would help others up instead of pull them down. We want them to be compassionate and generous no matter how tired they are.
Most often, the counsel is, "Your children will observe you. You need to be the example." So, if they see despair, they will learn despair. If they see anger, they will learn to be angry. If they see compassion, they will learn to be compassionate. If they see hope, they will learn to be hopeful. Can't disagree with this...I have seen it. In fact, this has been one of my biggest frustrations about myself. If I don't respond correctly, how can I expect them to respond correctly?
But, what if it was possible for parents to be absolutely perfect in their responses and reactions from the time the children were born. Would the children grow up to be perfect?
Of course not.
This was asked one time during one of these discussions and it brought about the point that each person has to grow to make good and Godly decisions on their own. We are all fallen creatures needing a Savior, born with a sinful nature needing redemption.
So then, the question becomes, what would be a better example, even than being the "perfect" parent? Our conclusion was that we, as parents, need to learn how to fail well.
It takes a lot of humility to say, "I'm sorry. I was wrong. Will you forgive me?" to your 4 year old, but what are they learning? They are learning that we all fail and when we do, we need to repent and ask for forgiveness. They begin to be exposed to how to forgive. They start to learn why we all need a Savior.
My children have always forgiven me. No matter how difficult it may be to humble myself and admit that I was wrong, it feels so good afterward... and I'm glad they see that.
Most often, the counsel is, "Your children will observe you. You need to be the example." So, if they see despair, they will learn despair. If they see anger, they will learn to be angry. If they see compassion, they will learn to be compassionate. If they see hope, they will learn to be hopeful. Can't disagree with this...I have seen it. In fact, this has been one of my biggest frustrations about myself. If I don't respond correctly, how can I expect them to respond correctly?
But, what if it was possible for parents to be absolutely perfect in their responses and reactions from the time the children were born. Would the children grow up to be perfect?
Of course not.
This was asked one time during one of these discussions and it brought about the point that each person has to grow to make good and Godly decisions on their own. We are all fallen creatures needing a Savior, born with a sinful nature needing redemption.
So then, the question becomes, what would be a better example, even than being the "perfect" parent? Our conclusion was that we, as parents, need to learn how to fail well.
It takes a lot of humility to say, "I'm sorry. I was wrong. Will you forgive me?" to your 4 year old, but what are they learning? They are learning that we all fail and when we do, we need to repent and ask for forgiveness. They begin to be exposed to how to forgive. They start to learn why we all need a Savior.
My children have always forgiven me. No matter how difficult it may be to humble myself and admit that I was wrong, it feels so good afterward... and I'm glad they see that.
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Addendum
I need to made an addendum to the post that I wrote earlier today. Honestly, I was just listing off things that people may do to deliver God's gifts to us. I didn't have any particular situation in mind, yet God does have a sense of humor and is always looking for ways to bless us. So today when I was leaving Walmart and was pushing one cart and pulling another (which I do VERY frequently it seems), one of the employees in the parking lot that collects carts saw me and offered to push one of my carts to the car! This has never happened before. Yes, I thanked him and yes, I made sure to thank the Lord for His gift.
The delivery man
Over the past week or so, we have had a lot of delivery trucks come to our house. There is a flurry of excitement every time that brown box truck comes into our driveway. The children can't get to the door fast enough. In amongst the needed supplies have been a few items for them. Even though I have tried to explain how deliveries are made (start at a store/warehouse/house, travels on a truck, goes to another warehouse, then another truck or plane, and eventually driven to our house), my son is still convinced that the delivery man gave it to us. I guess he is right. The delivery man did hand it to us with a smile. The UPS man has also had a few different names. Yesterday he was the "ABC man". This morning my 3 year old said emphatically, "The CPS man gave it to us!" He's getting closer...
Come to think of it, I often confuse the deliverer with the Giver. There is a definite place to thank those that deliver the gifts given from the "Giver of all good things". What if that person would not have been willing to deliver the word of encouragement, the meal or the helping hand in pushing the extra cart out to the car? But I often forget that the gift originated at the inexhaustible warehouse of our Heavenly Father.
May I never forget to thank the Giver even more than the deliverer.
Come to think of it, I often confuse the deliverer with the Giver. There is a definite place to thank those that deliver the gifts given from the "Giver of all good things". What if that person would not have been willing to deliver the word of encouragement, the meal or the helping hand in pushing the extra cart out to the car? But I often forget that the gift originated at the inexhaustible warehouse of our Heavenly Father.
May I never forget to thank the Giver even more than the deliverer.
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above,
and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither
shadow of turning.James 1:17
Monday, October 31, 2005
Where I want to be
About a week ago, an older wise man made a statement after unforeseen events altered his plans:
"I have come to the point in my life that it really doesn't matter whether the Lord did it or allowed Satan to do it. God is still in control either way."
I have been pondering that ever since...not that I haven't heard similar statements before, but it was seen in a new light.
Later that morning while singing "In Heavenly Love Abiding" a phrase in the first verse strongly gripped me:
"The storm may roar without me"
There are many storms that Satan would desire to consume our entire being... every thought, every action, every word...but you know what? The storm may roar without me! I don't need to be consumed by it. No wonder we are told in Scripture to take captive every thought to the obedience of Christ and to think on those things that are pure, trustworthy and of good report. God knows that we are tempted to put our focus on earthy things and not on HIM. Praise Him, Thank Him, sing of the truths of His Word.
I've been told that there is a proverb that states, "We cannot keep the birds from flying overhead, but we can keep them from building a nest in our hair."
To me, that is the essence of taking every thought captive. Satan will hurl thoughts, but if we allow ourselves to muse over them, the nest is beginning to be built.
I know that as a wife and mother, it takes my entire being to be in tune with HIM in order for me to do what he has called me to do and be who he has called me to be. When I allow myself to get sidetracked, that calling suffers.
No matter what happens in my day, I desire to say, "It doesn't matter whether God did it or He allowed Satan to do it. God is in control either way!"
"I have come to the point in my life that it really doesn't matter whether the Lord did it or allowed Satan to do it. God is still in control either way."
I have been pondering that ever since...not that I haven't heard similar statements before, but it was seen in a new light.
Later that morning while singing "In Heavenly Love Abiding" a phrase in the first verse strongly gripped me:
"The storm may roar without me"
There are many storms that Satan would desire to consume our entire being... every thought, every action, every word...but you know what? The storm may roar without me! I don't need to be consumed by it. No wonder we are told in Scripture to take captive every thought to the obedience of Christ and to think on those things that are pure, trustworthy and of good report. God knows that we are tempted to put our focus on earthy things and not on HIM. Praise Him, Thank Him, sing of the truths of His Word.
I've been told that there is a proverb that states, "We cannot keep the birds from flying overhead, but we can keep them from building a nest in our hair."
To me, that is the essence of taking every thought captive. Satan will hurl thoughts, but if we allow ourselves to muse over them, the nest is beginning to be built.
I know that as a wife and mother, it takes my entire being to be in tune with HIM in order for me to do what he has called me to do and be who he has called me to be. When I allow myself to get sidetracked, that calling suffers.
No matter what happens in my day, I desire to say, "It doesn't matter whether God did it or He allowed Satan to do it. God is in control either way!"
Monday, October 24, 2005
The move- Part 8 of my testimony
Married life was wonderful. I had started working part-time hours and loved the extra time to do what I wanted at home. We started remodeling the basement and enjoyed just being together.
In February, I found a piece of land for sale in the paper in the area that we were interested in. Keith and I thought that it would be a few years before we would move, but I called on it just for fun. After talking with the realtor, I realized that this particular one wouldn't fit what we wanted, but he described another property that really did. After talking with Keith, we decided to make a whirlwind trip up to see it. (You see, I had to sing at a wedding on Saturday afternoon and we were going to drive up to see the land on Saturday morning.) So we got up at 3:00 AM to drive the 6 or so hours up there. It was a fun trip, but we knew that we had entered the "boondocks" about half-way there! We had never been to the Red River Valley before. Fields stretched forever it seemed and it was beautiful in its own way. When we got there, I have to say that it was frightfully cold. The wind blew hard on that flat terrain, but we became attached very quickly to the ~160 acre old farmstead with a large lawn of mature oak trees, outbuildings, and river. We were on a tight time schedule, so we didn't get as good a look at the place as we would have liked and the realtor told us that there was already an offer on it but it had contingencies. So, if we had the money, we could get it first. We didn't want to make a rash decision, yet really liked the property. We drove home talking over the possibilities and thinking of our dreams.
I wasn't kidding when I said that we were on a tight schedule. We drove right to the wedding and we were none too early. I went in and Keith waited for me in the car with our new puppy that we had brought along for the trip.
After talking over our dilema, a friend told Keith, "God leads, Satan pushes". That advice has stayed with us ever since. We did feel pushed to make a quick decision as there was already an offer on the place, yet there wasn't peace about it. So, Keith decided that we would let it go and if we were supposed to have the property, the other offer would fall through and it would be available later.
In April, I had an opportunity to direct a choir from our church for an Easter "concert". I had never done anything like it before, and was stressful, but tons of fun too. While practicing after church on Sundays, Keith would wait for me. One day he got a paper and was just thumbing through it. Sure enough, the property was in the paper. It had never been advertised before. We called on it and it indeed was the same property and the other offer had fallen through! We made an appointment the next weekend to go up and see it again.
This time, Keith's parents came with us and we stopped half-way up at a motel on Friday to break up the trip. We arrived "up north" early on Saturday and Keith wanted to stop in at a few dealerships to scout out any potential jobs as an auto mechanic. The first place we stopped, he was offered a job. Keith was a bit in shock and we were all amazed. We got to the property and looked and looked and looked at EVERYHING we could think of. We saw many of the imperfections of the place, yet we also saw the possibilities. When Keith asked me if I thought we should make an offer, I said yes, but inside I wanted a lightning rod sign from God that this was His will and not an emotional decision. So I made a silent request to God for a rainbow so that I would know that this was from Him.
Needless to say, I was a nervous wreck all the way to the restaurant where we were going to sit down with the realtors to make the offer. My neck got sore looking out the window for a rainbow. We got to the restaurant and I looked throughout the sky until I went through the door. We got to our table and sat down. I couldn't sit down for more than 30 seconds. I excused myself and went back outside. While looking into the sky again, I felt God tell me that I knew that He was directing us in this direction and I needed to rest in that and not look for confirmation after confirmation. I went back inside and sat down with more peace.
After the paperwork was completed, we drove home, not sure what was going to happen. It's an interesting spot to be in. You start allowing dreams to develop, yet don't want to for fear that hopes will be dashed and the offer denied.
Thankfully, we didn't have to wait long. Sunday afternoon, we got the call from the realtor that our offer was accepted. Keith was talking to him. I had deduced from Keith's side of the conversation that we had a green light. While he was just finishing the phone call, I looked out the window and there was a small, but distinctive rainbow!! I was estatic! God was so good to give me that gift even though He had asked me to take a step of faith first. We drove over to Keith's brother's house to tell them what had transpired, but before I could tell about the rainbow, Keith's sister-in-law said, "I saw the most BEAUTIFUL rainbow while driving home. Did you see it?" I surely had...
Closing on the property was on May 1st. But before this, we found out that I was pregnant. We were so excited. I ate quite a few crackers to get me through those months. We had permission to begin moving things up to the new house before the closing as the house was empty. Keith remembers those drives up with boxes with such fondness. I remember nausea. We set up our extra bed in the large kitchen because we wanted to do some work in the other rooms. There we were, having our weekend get-away at our soon-to-be home, watching a movie on a small, portable TV and lying in our bed in the kitchen.
We made multiple trips up to the property, but I remember one in particular... We had bought an older one ton suburban that could "haul anything" according to Keith. As we were on the freeway after a couple hours of driving, we kept smelling gasoline. I mentioned it a few times, but Keith didn't act concerned. I thought, "He's the mechanic. He knows, so I better just let it go." Every once in awhile he would "think outloud" saying what the smell could be from. I started to relax, but unbeknownst to me, Keith was getting more concerned. All of a sudden, he pulled over onto a litte side road and up into a field. He jumped out and crawled under the suburban. The previous owners had cut off the tailpipe and the end was directly under the gas tank. Keith has very tough hands, full of callouses, but this thing was extremely hot and he couldn't get near it. He had to take a pry bar to bend the pipe away from the gas tank. He could hear liquid gurgling. We had a full tank of boiling gasoline! The gas was so hot that the vapors caused a relief valve in the gas cap to open...hence the smell of gas. I have come to learn that hot liquid gasoline is not as explosive as gasoline vapor and it was good that we had a full tank of liquid gas so that there wasn't as much room for gasoline vapor, but we were both full of thankfulness to the Lord that we didn't blow up on the freeway that day...because we easily could have.
Now the question was, should we try to sell our house in the "Cities" ourselves or use a realtor? We decided to use a realtor. We contacted one and the momentum started immediately. I mentioned that we were remdeling the basement before. Now we were in high gear. The realtor was very helpful in showing us what things to focus on and what to not worry about. I worked like crazy while home alone and Keith and I worked like crazy in the evenings. The realtor came to fill out paperwork to officially list our home. She said to me, "Things may move faster than you think you are ready for, but I think that you ARE ready." As we were signing papers, she said that she had had a call that day and the people were looking for a house just like ours. She described our property and they had wanted to come that evening, but she told them that she couldn't do that as she was meeting with us that evening to officially sign papers to get it listed. She did give them our address so that they could look at it from the road.
Sure enough, sitting from our dining room table we could see the road. We saw a vehicle drive S-L-O-W-L-Y past, turn around, and drive S-L-O-W-L-Y back...and then drive into our driveway! My heart started pounding. The realtor talked to them at the door and then she called up to me, "Remember what I said about being ready?"
"Yeah"
"How about a showing tomorrow morning?"
What could I say but, "yep".
After the prospective buyers left, we all looked at each other and couldn't believe that these people were quite so bold.
After the realtor left, Keith and I worked on adrenaline. We still had masking tape on baseboards where we had been doing some last-minute painting and sheetrock dust was everywhere it seemed. We did the best we could and went to bed physically and emotionally exhausted.
The next morning, we both left for work. Keith got a call at work around 10:30. Our house had sold in 2 hours for the asking price!
Now, the ball really started rolling. We had a date at which we had to be out of our home. We put in our notices at work and began packing with purpose and frenzy.
The closing for selling our home in the "Cities" was in June. When you go into a closing, you never quite know what the ending dollar amounts are going to be because of realtor's fees, fees that the seller is responsible for, etc. So...we didn't know exactly how it would all turn out. After all the paperwork was signed and checks were in hand, we realized that we were within $50 of the cost of the property "up north".
We moved up to our new home after being married for 7 months, awaiting our first child and debt free. God WAS and IS SO GOOD!
Whenever we question whether God wanted us to move, we think of His miraculous ways. Just as God directed in the Old Testament to make altars of stone to remember what He had done, we also want to remember and never forget His direction and provision for us. Writing this is part of our stone altar of remembrance.
In February, I found a piece of land for sale in the paper in the area that we were interested in. Keith and I thought that it would be a few years before we would move, but I called on it just for fun. After talking with the realtor, I realized that this particular one wouldn't fit what we wanted, but he described another property that really did. After talking with Keith, we decided to make a whirlwind trip up to see it. (You see, I had to sing at a wedding on Saturday afternoon and we were going to drive up to see the land on Saturday morning.) So we got up at 3:00 AM to drive the 6 or so hours up there. It was a fun trip, but we knew that we had entered the "boondocks" about half-way there! We had never been to the Red River Valley before. Fields stretched forever it seemed and it was beautiful in its own way. When we got there, I have to say that it was frightfully cold. The wind blew hard on that flat terrain, but we became attached very quickly to the ~160 acre old farmstead with a large lawn of mature oak trees, outbuildings, and river. We were on a tight time schedule, so we didn't get as good a look at the place as we would have liked and the realtor told us that there was already an offer on it but it had contingencies. So, if we had the money, we could get it first. We didn't want to make a rash decision, yet really liked the property. We drove home talking over the possibilities and thinking of our dreams.
I wasn't kidding when I said that we were on a tight schedule. We drove right to the wedding and we were none too early. I went in and Keith waited for me in the car with our new puppy that we had brought along for the trip.
After talking over our dilema, a friend told Keith, "God leads, Satan pushes". That advice has stayed with us ever since. We did feel pushed to make a quick decision as there was already an offer on the place, yet there wasn't peace about it. So, Keith decided that we would let it go and if we were supposed to have the property, the other offer would fall through and it would be available later.
In April, I had an opportunity to direct a choir from our church for an Easter "concert". I had never done anything like it before, and was stressful, but tons of fun too. While practicing after church on Sundays, Keith would wait for me. One day he got a paper and was just thumbing through it. Sure enough, the property was in the paper. It had never been advertised before. We called on it and it indeed was the same property and the other offer had fallen through! We made an appointment the next weekend to go up and see it again.
This time, Keith's parents came with us and we stopped half-way up at a motel on Friday to break up the trip. We arrived "up north" early on Saturday and Keith wanted to stop in at a few dealerships to scout out any potential jobs as an auto mechanic. The first place we stopped, he was offered a job. Keith was a bit in shock and we were all amazed. We got to the property and looked and looked and looked at EVERYHING we could think of. We saw many of the imperfections of the place, yet we also saw the possibilities. When Keith asked me if I thought we should make an offer, I said yes, but inside I wanted a lightning rod sign from God that this was His will and not an emotional decision. So I made a silent request to God for a rainbow so that I would know that this was from Him.
Needless to say, I was a nervous wreck all the way to the restaurant where we were going to sit down with the realtors to make the offer. My neck got sore looking out the window for a rainbow. We got to the restaurant and I looked throughout the sky until I went through the door. We got to our table and sat down. I couldn't sit down for more than 30 seconds. I excused myself and went back outside. While looking into the sky again, I felt God tell me that I knew that He was directing us in this direction and I needed to rest in that and not look for confirmation after confirmation. I went back inside and sat down with more peace.
After the paperwork was completed, we drove home, not sure what was going to happen. It's an interesting spot to be in. You start allowing dreams to develop, yet don't want to for fear that hopes will be dashed and the offer denied.
Thankfully, we didn't have to wait long. Sunday afternoon, we got the call from the realtor that our offer was accepted. Keith was talking to him. I had deduced from Keith's side of the conversation that we had a green light. While he was just finishing the phone call, I looked out the window and there was a small, but distinctive rainbow!! I was estatic! God was so good to give me that gift even though He had asked me to take a step of faith first. We drove over to Keith's brother's house to tell them what had transpired, but before I could tell about the rainbow, Keith's sister-in-law said, "I saw the most BEAUTIFUL rainbow while driving home. Did you see it?" I surely had...
Closing on the property was on May 1st. But before this, we found out that I was pregnant. We were so excited. I ate quite a few crackers to get me through those months. We had permission to begin moving things up to the new house before the closing as the house was empty. Keith remembers those drives up with boxes with such fondness. I remember nausea. We set up our extra bed in the large kitchen because we wanted to do some work in the other rooms. There we were, having our weekend get-away at our soon-to-be home, watching a movie on a small, portable TV and lying in our bed in the kitchen.
We made multiple trips up to the property, but I remember one in particular... We had bought an older one ton suburban that could "haul anything" according to Keith. As we were on the freeway after a couple hours of driving, we kept smelling gasoline. I mentioned it a few times, but Keith didn't act concerned. I thought, "He's the mechanic. He knows, so I better just let it go." Every once in awhile he would "think outloud" saying what the smell could be from. I started to relax, but unbeknownst to me, Keith was getting more concerned. All of a sudden, he pulled over onto a litte side road and up into a field. He jumped out and crawled under the suburban. The previous owners had cut off the tailpipe and the end was directly under the gas tank. Keith has very tough hands, full of callouses, but this thing was extremely hot and he couldn't get near it. He had to take a pry bar to bend the pipe away from the gas tank. He could hear liquid gurgling. We had a full tank of boiling gasoline! The gas was so hot that the vapors caused a relief valve in the gas cap to open...hence the smell of gas. I have come to learn that hot liquid gasoline is not as explosive as gasoline vapor and it was good that we had a full tank of liquid gas so that there wasn't as much room for gasoline vapor, but we were both full of thankfulness to the Lord that we didn't blow up on the freeway that day...because we easily could have.
Now the question was, should we try to sell our house in the "Cities" ourselves or use a realtor? We decided to use a realtor. We contacted one and the momentum started immediately. I mentioned that we were remdeling the basement before. Now we were in high gear. The realtor was very helpful in showing us what things to focus on and what to not worry about. I worked like crazy while home alone and Keith and I worked like crazy in the evenings. The realtor came to fill out paperwork to officially list our home. She said to me, "Things may move faster than you think you are ready for, but I think that you ARE ready." As we were signing papers, she said that she had had a call that day and the people were looking for a house just like ours. She described our property and they had wanted to come that evening, but she told them that she couldn't do that as she was meeting with us that evening to officially sign papers to get it listed. She did give them our address so that they could look at it from the road.
Sure enough, sitting from our dining room table we could see the road. We saw a vehicle drive S-L-O-W-L-Y past, turn around, and drive S-L-O-W-L-Y back...and then drive into our driveway! My heart started pounding. The realtor talked to them at the door and then she called up to me, "Remember what I said about being ready?"
"Yeah"
"How about a showing tomorrow morning?"
What could I say but, "yep".
After the prospective buyers left, we all looked at each other and couldn't believe that these people were quite so bold.
After the realtor left, Keith and I worked on adrenaline. We still had masking tape on baseboards where we had been doing some last-minute painting and sheetrock dust was everywhere it seemed. We did the best we could and went to bed physically and emotionally exhausted.
The next morning, we both left for work. Keith got a call at work around 10:30. Our house had sold in 2 hours for the asking price!
Now, the ball really started rolling. We had a date at which we had to be out of our home. We put in our notices at work and began packing with purpose and frenzy.
The closing for selling our home in the "Cities" was in June. When you go into a closing, you never quite know what the ending dollar amounts are going to be because of realtor's fees, fees that the seller is responsible for, etc. So...we didn't know exactly how it would all turn out. After all the paperwork was signed and checks were in hand, we realized that we were within $50 of the cost of the property "up north".
We moved up to our new home after being married for 7 months, awaiting our first child and debt free. God WAS and IS SO GOOD!
Whenever we question whether God wanted us to move, we think of His miraculous ways. Just as God directed in the Old Testament to make altars of stone to remember what He had done, we also want to remember and never forget His direction and provision for us. Writing this is part of our stone altar of remembrance.
Monday, October 17, 2005
The wedding-Part 7 of my testimony
One other tidbit that I remembered and wanted to include in preparations for the wedding... I honestly can't tell you right now how I met her, the lady that was to make the bridesmaid dresses. I think that I just saw her at a fabric store or picked up her business card or something...I don't even remember her name. Anyway, I wanted dusty rose dresses and couldn't find any ready-to-order ones that were in the right color or the right style, so I decided that I was going to have someone make them. I called this lady and met her at the fabric store after I got lost and had to make multiple phone calls to her and Keith to figure out where I was going. Finally I got there, quite late, and we picked out the material and finalized plans for the dresses. The material had to be ordered.
A couple weeks later, she called me and said, "The material is backordered and I really don't think that it will get here in time for me to make the dresses." Now what?? I called my Mom and she rushed to the largest town near her, going to every bridal shop she could find. Bless her heart, she saved the day when she called and described a simple, but elegant dress in a wine/burgundy color. "Sounds just fine", I said and that was it. The dresses were ordered. The only question was, how was everyone going to get the dresses altered? My one sister that was near my Mom was easy. She could get the dress and bring it to a neighbor's house. My other sister was in Colorado in college and my maid-of-honor was not close either. There wasn't time to mail the dresses to them for alterations where they were. It ended up that this seamstress that was going to make the dresses in the first place ended up doing alterations on Thursday night before the wedding. I vaguely remember sitting in the basement of her home with my sister and friend, being totally exhausted as we waited for the dresses to be completed. Things were becoming quite a blur.
Friday, November 5th arrived with tons of driving to pick up this and that and set up at the reception hall. Late that afternoon, was the rehearsal. I had been blessed with three bridal showers and therefore had enough bows for myself and all three of my bridesmaids to have bow bouquets to carry that night. Probably the most memorable moment from the rehearsal was when Keith and I were practicing our vows. While saying mine, I became totally overwhelmed with all that was about to happen and after completing the last sentence exclaimed, "HOLY BUCKETS!" Pastor Alan had the funniest look on his face and everyone burst our laughing.
The rehearsal dinner was very nice and after that Keith and I went back to the reception hall with my Dad for a private dance. Since we weren't going to have a dance at our wedding reception, I wanted to have a "dance with Dad" the night before. Dad had a small tape player with and set it up on the table. It wasn't a long event, but it was special to have that time with Dad. Despite all that had happened while growing up, the divorce, his moving away, and everything else, I will always have an ache in my heart for my Daddy.
Finally November 6th arrived. We got to the church early to fix hair, etc. We did have pictures done before the ceremony, but before this, Keith and I had a special time seeing each other for the first time that day, all dressed for the wedding. This started the giddiness that continued for the entire day. Pictures seemed to go on forever, making sure we had every combination of people possible, yet afterward we still found out that one was missed. My cheeks were starting to hurt, yet I couldn't stop smiling.
Since praise and worship music was such a part of my life, I had the praise and worship team play before and after the wedding. They were to play "Take Me In" (Take me past the outer courts, into the Holy place, past the brazen altar...) right before another song before the processional-yes I had LOTS of music planned! Anyway, they started early and/or we weren't ready in the back... they played that song probably 10 times or more. We found out later that they were getting quite tired of the song and when they were getting to the end and needed to start over AGAIN, they would despirately look at each other and figure out who could do a solo this time or whether to do an instrumental rendition. Of course Keith and I were totally oblivious. Wedding coordinators are actually quite helpful. She just told us who was to go when and where...very good thing when you have a giddy bride and groom.
Finally I was walking down the isle holding arms with my mom on one side and my dad on the other. Then came the part of the ceremony that made Keith more nervous than anything else. After Pastor Alan asked "Who gives this woman..." and my dad said "we do", Keith had to lift up my veil and lay it back over my head. He sweated over this moment for a week, but it went without a hitch.
Then was the solos by my sister and a friend, the song led by the praise and worship team and the message on "covenant". The vows went perfectly, the lighting of the candles, giving roses to parents. Then I was able to sing a song to Keith, written by another gifted friend. Keith had a card with the words in his pocket, but they came to mind so easily, it was as if no one else was in the room except Keith, myself and our Lord. Afterward, Pastor Alan had to make sure that everyone noticed that my new last name was written behind this song in the ceremony program. When he said this, I punched the air in excitement. I could hold it in no longer!
Another moment that Keith and I had been waiting for...see, Keith and I never kissed on the lips before that moment and many people at the wedding knew this. There was whooping and hollering when Pastor Alan said, "Keith, you may kiss the bride". Let's just say that it was a memorable moment as well, especially because laughing and smiling and kissing are hard to do all at once!
We practically skipped down the aisle after we were pronounced Mr. and Mrs.
The reception was another time of blur, greeting guests, feeding each other cake, kissing to the clang of glasses, "speeches" by those in the wedding party, friends and family, each retelling memories and stories. Larry and Wilma spoke as well as the couple that had gone through the vow of purity with me. I was able to read aloud the plaque that stated the vow that I had made.
By the end of the evening, we were elated and exhausted and VERY ready for our first night together as husband and wife.
If there is anything that we remember about our wedding day, it was just how much fun we had. God felt so near that day and the entire event was surrounded in pure joy. But the giddiness! It's almost hard to watch the video!! :)
The next day was the gift opening. I love gifts in general, so this was a special treat for me. Then it was time for last-minute packing for the drive to Colorado for our honeymoon. We had a cabin in the mountains and it was wonderful.
When we came back from our honeymoon, we weren't sure what was in store for us. We knew that someday we wanted to move out of the "Cities" to raise the family that we hoped to have. We looked at a map of Minnesota and pointed to the northwest corner. "That looks like a good place to live." Neither of us had ever been there. Little did we know what God had in mind and the miraculous events that were about to happen...
A couple weeks later, she called me and said, "The material is backordered and I really don't think that it will get here in time for me to make the dresses." Now what?? I called my Mom and she rushed to the largest town near her, going to every bridal shop she could find. Bless her heart, she saved the day when she called and described a simple, but elegant dress in a wine/burgundy color. "Sounds just fine", I said and that was it. The dresses were ordered. The only question was, how was everyone going to get the dresses altered? My one sister that was near my Mom was easy. She could get the dress and bring it to a neighbor's house. My other sister was in Colorado in college and my maid-of-honor was not close either. There wasn't time to mail the dresses to them for alterations where they were. It ended up that this seamstress that was going to make the dresses in the first place ended up doing alterations on Thursday night before the wedding. I vaguely remember sitting in the basement of her home with my sister and friend, being totally exhausted as we waited for the dresses to be completed. Things were becoming quite a blur.
Friday, November 5th arrived with tons of driving to pick up this and that and set up at the reception hall. Late that afternoon, was the rehearsal. I had been blessed with three bridal showers and therefore had enough bows for myself and all three of my bridesmaids to have bow bouquets to carry that night. Probably the most memorable moment from the rehearsal was when Keith and I were practicing our vows. While saying mine, I became totally overwhelmed with all that was about to happen and after completing the last sentence exclaimed, "HOLY BUCKETS!" Pastor Alan had the funniest look on his face and everyone burst our laughing.
The rehearsal dinner was very nice and after that Keith and I went back to the reception hall with my Dad for a private dance. Since we weren't going to have a dance at our wedding reception, I wanted to have a "dance with Dad" the night before. Dad had a small tape player with and set it up on the table. It wasn't a long event, but it was special to have that time with Dad. Despite all that had happened while growing up, the divorce, his moving away, and everything else, I will always have an ache in my heart for my Daddy.
Finally November 6th arrived. We got to the church early to fix hair, etc. We did have pictures done before the ceremony, but before this, Keith and I had a special time seeing each other for the first time that day, all dressed for the wedding. This started the giddiness that continued for the entire day. Pictures seemed to go on forever, making sure we had every combination of people possible, yet afterward we still found out that one was missed. My cheeks were starting to hurt, yet I couldn't stop smiling.
Since praise and worship music was such a part of my life, I had the praise and worship team play before and after the wedding. They were to play "Take Me In" (Take me past the outer courts, into the Holy place, past the brazen altar...) right before another song before the processional-yes I had LOTS of music planned! Anyway, they started early and/or we weren't ready in the back... they played that song probably 10 times or more. We found out later that they were getting quite tired of the song and when they were getting to the end and needed to start over AGAIN, they would despirately look at each other and figure out who could do a solo this time or whether to do an instrumental rendition. Of course Keith and I were totally oblivious. Wedding coordinators are actually quite helpful. She just told us who was to go when and where...very good thing when you have a giddy bride and groom.
Finally I was walking down the isle holding arms with my mom on one side and my dad on the other. Then came the part of the ceremony that made Keith more nervous than anything else. After Pastor Alan asked "Who gives this woman..." and my dad said "we do", Keith had to lift up my veil and lay it back over my head. He sweated over this moment for a week, but it went without a hitch.
Then was the solos by my sister and a friend, the song led by the praise and worship team and the message on "covenant". The vows went perfectly, the lighting of the candles, giving roses to parents. Then I was able to sing a song to Keith, written by another gifted friend. Keith had a card with the words in his pocket, but they came to mind so easily, it was as if no one else was in the room except Keith, myself and our Lord. Afterward, Pastor Alan had to make sure that everyone noticed that my new last name was written behind this song in the ceremony program. When he said this, I punched the air in excitement. I could hold it in no longer!
Another moment that Keith and I had been waiting for...see, Keith and I never kissed on the lips before that moment and many people at the wedding knew this. There was whooping and hollering when Pastor Alan said, "Keith, you may kiss the bride". Let's just say that it was a memorable moment as well, especially because laughing and smiling and kissing are hard to do all at once!
We practically skipped down the aisle after we were pronounced Mr. and Mrs.
The reception was another time of blur, greeting guests, feeding each other cake, kissing to the clang of glasses, "speeches" by those in the wedding party, friends and family, each retelling memories and stories. Larry and Wilma spoke as well as the couple that had gone through the vow of purity with me. I was able to read aloud the plaque that stated the vow that I had made.
By the end of the evening, we were elated and exhausted and VERY ready for our first night together as husband and wife.
If there is anything that we remember about our wedding day, it was just how much fun we had. God felt so near that day and the entire event was surrounded in pure joy. But the giddiness! It's almost hard to watch the video!! :)
The next day was the gift opening. I love gifts in general, so this was a special treat for me. Then it was time for last-minute packing for the drive to Colorado for our honeymoon. We had a cabin in the mountains and it was wonderful.
When we came back from our honeymoon, we weren't sure what was in store for us. We knew that someday we wanted to move out of the "Cities" to raise the family that we hoped to have. We looked at a map of Minnesota and pointed to the northwest corner. "That looks like a good place to live." Neither of us had ever been there. Little did we know what God had in mind and the miraculous events that were about to happen...
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
The proposal and engagement- Part 6 of my testimony
Larry and Wilma were continuing to be in the picture. They went with us to a nearby lake that had a walking path around it and we all walked and talked during a beautiful Sunday afternoon. It was here that we had our first picture taken together.
Larry invited us to come with them to go fishing. Keith had a 1977 Chevy pickup that he had had since he was 15 and had restored pretty much the entire thing. It was painted shimmery gold and had a lift kit in it. We took that truck to the lake. We were driving on the freeway on the north side of the "Cities" and sang to each other the Alabama's song, "How Do You Fall In Love?" with the windows open. It is a song asking how to know when to make the decision to get married. Keith was planning on asking Larry that day his opinion about Keith proposing to me.
The fishing was tons of fun and we got another picture of us smiling from ear to ear with our fishing poles in the water. We all went back to their house and while Larry and Keith were downstairs cleaning the fish, Keith talked to him. I was upstairs with Wilma and was nervous as well, wondering what Larry would advise. Well, let's just say that Larry thought that it would be wonderful if Keith proposed. After they got upstairs, we had a joyous meal of fish and talked about more marriage issues and we received more valuable advice.
But...Keith told me that the actual proposal date was to be a surprise. It drove me crazy!!!
On May 7, 1999, I went over to Keith's house. I had a terrible headache and was lying on the couch. I was surprised with a dozen roses, but because of the headache, I was clueless as to what was about to happen. After an hour or so, the headache started to lighten. That's when he asked me to come in the other room with him. There he had another dozen roses and a jewelry box of his grandmother's that he had refinished and put our picture on from our walk around the lake. Inside was the engagement ring. Keith knelt down on one leg and asked me if I would marry him. Of course I enthusiastically said, "YES!!"
Things started to spin at this point. How soon could we get married? Keith felt that we should wait 6 months, so we agreed upon November 6th. The whirr of plans and preparation took over. There were so many details.
We went to pre-marriage counseling and because we had gone through "The Secret of Loving" already, there was little that we hadn't already discussed, and we received full blessing from Hal Baumchen.
There were some bumps in the road as far as I was concerned. A person can't have a history like mine without any consequences. I went to some counseling sessions and worked through many things. Keith graciously came with when asked and was extremely supportive.
Another thing that I did before the wedding day was spend two days at a place called Pacem in Terris. There are prayer cabins here for individuals only, no couples or parent/child. Just me and God. It was a 8' x 12' single-room cabin that housed a single bed, short counter with a jug of water and basin, gas lamp, rocking chair and small table and a huge window looking out into the woods. There was also a small screened-in "lean-to" with a hanging swing. There was an outhouse a short distance from the set of 3 cabins where I was staying. I was brought a basket with fruit and a small loaf of bread that was left in a wooden box outside the door. That was my food for the day. I saw one person while I was there when I went on a walk on a path through the woods, but there was no talking as that was the rules after the gate was passed into the area for the cabins. It was here that I did much reading, sleeping, praying, confessing and repenting.
I returned from that weekend changed in subtle, but lasting ways.
November 6th was soon arriving. Pastor Alan, our pastor at the time, had said on occasion, "God moves slow, but fast." That is how it felt. It took forever, it seemed, for the wedding day to arrive, yet as it did, things went SO fast.
Finally, it was November 5th...
Larry invited us to come with them to go fishing. Keith had a 1977 Chevy pickup that he had had since he was 15 and had restored pretty much the entire thing. It was painted shimmery gold and had a lift kit in it. We took that truck to the lake. We were driving on the freeway on the north side of the "Cities" and sang to each other the Alabama's song, "How Do You Fall In Love?" with the windows open. It is a song asking how to know when to make the decision to get married. Keith was planning on asking Larry that day his opinion about Keith proposing to me.
The fishing was tons of fun and we got another picture of us smiling from ear to ear with our fishing poles in the water. We all went back to their house and while Larry and Keith were downstairs cleaning the fish, Keith talked to him. I was upstairs with Wilma and was nervous as well, wondering what Larry would advise. Well, let's just say that Larry thought that it would be wonderful if Keith proposed. After they got upstairs, we had a joyous meal of fish and talked about more marriage issues and we received more valuable advice.
But...Keith told me that the actual proposal date was to be a surprise. It drove me crazy!!!
On May 7, 1999, I went over to Keith's house. I had a terrible headache and was lying on the couch. I was surprised with a dozen roses, but because of the headache, I was clueless as to what was about to happen. After an hour or so, the headache started to lighten. That's when he asked me to come in the other room with him. There he had another dozen roses and a jewelry box of his grandmother's that he had refinished and put our picture on from our walk around the lake. Inside was the engagement ring. Keith knelt down on one leg and asked me if I would marry him. Of course I enthusiastically said, "YES!!"
Things started to spin at this point. How soon could we get married? Keith felt that we should wait 6 months, so we agreed upon November 6th. The whirr of plans and preparation took over. There were so many details.
We went to pre-marriage counseling and because we had gone through "The Secret of Loving" already, there was little that we hadn't already discussed, and we received full blessing from Hal Baumchen.
There were some bumps in the road as far as I was concerned. A person can't have a history like mine without any consequences. I went to some counseling sessions and worked through many things. Keith graciously came with when asked and was extremely supportive.
Another thing that I did before the wedding day was spend two days at a place called Pacem in Terris. There are prayer cabins here for individuals only, no couples or parent/child. Just me and God. It was a 8' x 12' single-room cabin that housed a single bed, short counter with a jug of water and basin, gas lamp, rocking chair and small table and a huge window looking out into the woods. There was also a small screened-in "lean-to" with a hanging swing. There was an outhouse a short distance from the set of 3 cabins where I was staying. I was brought a basket with fruit and a small loaf of bread that was left in a wooden box outside the door. That was my food for the day. I saw one person while I was there when I went on a walk on a path through the woods, but there was no talking as that was the rules after the gate was passed into the area for the cabins. It was here that I did much reading, sleeping, praying, confessing and repenting.
I returned from that weekend changed in subtle, but lasting ways.
November 6th was soon arriving. Pastor Alan, our pastor at the time, had said on occasion, "God moves slow, but fast." That is how it felt. It took forever, it seemed, for the wedding day to arrive, yet as it did, things went SO fast.
Finally, it was November 5th...
Monday, October 10, 2005
The courtship-Part 5 of my testimony
I found out later that Keith was sure that I was planning on me saying that I didn't want to see him again, so he left the church service before it ended to avoid the conversation. Yet, he was confused because he said that I looked happy and excited to see him. At any rate, after the service, I was dismayed that he was gone.
The next cell group meeting came and Keith was there but seemed a bit uncomfortable and reserved. I found out later that he was trying to read my face the whole time. As we were heading to our cars afterward, I started the conversation. I explained why I needed to talk to him and the recommendation to have a couple to be accountable with. I didn't know what he would say to it. He looked at me and said, "Who are you thinking of?" I told him who and he agreed to ask them. I was beginning to get dizzy with excitement.
We set up a day to meet with Larry and Wilma. I had known them for quite a few years and greatly respected and admired them and their walk with the Lord. They asked Keith question after question and then said that they felt very comfortable with us "seeing" each other and that they would be willing to be accountable to. Keith and I went out to our vehicles and I took out a couple books on courtship. One in particular was, "Passion and Purity" by Elisabeth Elliot. I explained that I had wanted to court ever since I learned about it after the covenant the I had made with the Lord. He agreed.
A week or two later, Keith was extremely sick. I really didn't even realize at the time how sick he was, but he did say that he didn't do anything except sit in his recliner chair and read Elisabeth Elliot's book from cover to cover.
We started talking on the phone for hours each night and were learning about each other as fast as we could. We then decided to start writing emails and not talk on the phone as much. I had read something about how writing brings out a different perspective that can be informative and valuable. We did this for some time and I still have those treasured letters. Soon, the phone became the communication of choice again. :)
I'll never forget the time we drove down to my aunt and uncles house. On the way home, we held hands for the first time. It just happened. Our hands were getting sweatier with each mile, but neither of us would let go!
I then had the opportunity to move into the basement of some people I had met. The weekend of the move was the first time that my mom and sisters met Keith. It was an exciting and busy weekend. Later that week, he came over to my new residence to install a phone line. He came in overalls and I was head-over-heels in love... quite sure that he was "the one".
We went to Underwater World at the Mall of America one time and went to the airport to watch the planes take off and land another time. As they say, it really didn't matter where we were, just that we were together.
We decided that it was wise to limit how often we were together as desires were growing in each of us. A weekly date night was set up and we started going through Josh McDowell's book "The Secret Of Loving" while sitting at Baker's Square restaurant. We were to prepare one chapter for each date and then discuss it. It was an excellent book for us to examine tons of marital and relationship issues from family to money to values.
We talked about everything it seemed. I was more than ready to be engaged. So would he ask me to marry him??
The next cell group meeting came and Keith was there but seemed a bit uncomfortable and reserved. I found out later that he was trying to read my face the whole time. As we were heading to our cars afterward, I started the conversation. I explained why I needed to talk to him and the recommendation to have a couple to be accountable with. I didn't know what he would say to it. He looked at me and said, "Who are you thinking of?" I told him who and he agreed to ask them. I was beginning to get dizzy with excitement.
We set up a day to meet with Larry and Wilma. I had known them for quite a few years and greatly respected and admired them and their walk with the Lord. They asked Keith question after question and then said that they felt very comfortable with us "seeing" each other and that they would be willing to be accountable to. Keith and I went out to our vehicles and I took out a couple books on courtship. One in particular was, "Passion and Purity" by Elisabeth Elliot. I explained that I had wanted to court ever since I learned about it after the covenant the I had made with the Lord. He agreed.
A week or two later, Keith was extremely sick. I really didn't even realize at the time how sick he was, but he did say that he didn't do anything except sit in his recliner chair and read Elisabeth Elliot's book from cover to cover.
We started talking on the phone for hours each night and were learning about each other as fast as we could. We then decided to start writing emails and not talk on the phone as much. I had read something about how writing brings out a different perspective that can be informative and valuable. We did this for some time and I still have those treasured letters. Soon, the phone became the communication of choice again. :)
I'll never forget the time we drove down to my aunt and uncles house. On the way home, we held hands for the first time. It just happened. Our hands were getting sweatier with each mile, but neither of us would let go!
I then had the opportunity to move into the basement of some people I had met. The weekend of the move was the first time that my mom and sisters met Keith. It was an exciting and busy weekend. Later that week, he came over to my new residence to install a phone line. He came in overalls and I was head-over-heels in love... quite sure that he was "the one".
We went to Underwater World at the Mall of America one time and went to the airport to watch the planes take off and land another time. As they say, it really didn't matter where we were, just that we were together.
We decided that it was wise to limit how often we were together as desires were growing in each of us. A weekly date night was set up and we started going through Josh McDowell's book "The Secret Of Loving" while sitting at Baker's Square restaurant. We were to prepare one chapter for each date and then discuss it. It was an excellent book for us to examine tons of marital and relationship issues from family to money to values.
We talked about everything it seemed. I was more than ready to be engaged. So would he ask me to marry him??
Saturday, October 08, 2005
Meeting "him"-Part 4 of my testimony
I felt like I was living on my own for the first time in my life. No longer was I in a dorm room, living with friends while doing internships for occupational therapy, or living with anyone. It was a strange mixture of feeling lonely and independent. So, I tried to keep busy.
I was attending a "cell group" from our church, which is like a Bible study with the added focus of fellowship and accountability. One evening in mid-December 1998, this guy came that was the brother of one of the cell group members. My eyes turned, but I made myself not think about it too much.
A couple weeks later I was on a cruise with my sisters and my dad. I found out later that Keith finally worked up the nerve to call and ask me if I wanted to go out on a date, but I was not there. After I returned, he called again and I said that I would like to go on a date. It was January 17, 1999, and he was going to come to my church for the service and then we would go out to eat after that. His brother had recommended a neat Italian restaurant, so that was the plan. Unfortunately, he didn't know that it wasn't open on Sunday noon. He was beginning to get nervous when he returned to the truck after checking the hours sign on the door. We decided on a different retaurant and drove there. This one was closed due to having an employee day to watch the Vikings play the NFC championship football game. By this time, he was really nervous and embarressed. We went to the Olive Garden after this. It was open and we had a splendid time. Yes, I was nervous and felt out-of-breath at times talking to him, yet in many ways I was very at ease. It seemed like we could talk about everything and there wasn't any uncomfortable silences. He brought me back to the church parking lot. He was going to give me a kiss on the cheek. I said no. The he said, "Can I give you a hug?" I agreed to a side hug. I will admit that I was a bit guarded about relationships and didn't want to mess this one up by starting off too quickly.
When I got home, I called the couple that had counseled me regarding past relationships and had walked me through the covenent of purity until marriage. I told them that I really needed to talk to them as I had met "this guy". They were able to meet with me soon. I poured out my excitement and reservations about myself being ready for a relationship. They counseled me to choose a couple from the church that we both respected to mentor us and for us to be accountable to. "If this guy is worth any consideration, he will think this is a good idea. If he isn't, he won't want anything to do with it."
The next Sunday, Keith came to church and briefly talked to me before I had to go up to start praise and worship. He asked me if I would want to go out on another date. I knew that I needed to talk to him about the advice that I was given to have a couple mentor us, but there wasn't time right then, so I said, "Well, I have to talk to you about something first." His face fell, but there was nothing I could do, they were waiting for me up front. Before the service was totally ended, he had left.
I was attending a "cell group" from our church, which is like a Bible study with the added focus of fellowship and accountability. One evening in mid-December 1998, this guy came that was the brother of one of the cell group members. My eyes turned, but I made myself not think about it too much.
A couple weeks later I was on a cruise with my sisters and my dad. I found out later that Keith finally worked up the nerve to call and ask me if I wanted to go out on a date, but I was not there. After I returned, he called again and I said that I would like to go on a date. It was January 17, 1999, and he was going to come to my church for the service and then we would go out to eat after that. His brother had recommended a neat Italian restaurant, so that was the plan. Unfortunately, he didn't know that it wasn't open on Sunday noon. He was beginning to get nervous when he returned to the truck after checking the hours sign on the door. We decided on a different retaurant and drove there. This one was closed due to having an employee day to watch the Vikings play the NFC championship football game. By this time, he was really nervous and embarressed. We went to the Olive Garden after this. It was open and we had a splendid time. Yes, I was nervous and felt out-of-breath at times talking to him, yet in many ways I was very at ease. It seemed like we could talk about everything and there wasn't any uncomfortable silences. He brought me back to the church parking lot. He was going to give me a kiss on the cheek. I said no. The he said, "Can I give you a hug?" I agreed to a side hug. I will admit that I was a bit guarded about relationships and didn't want to mess this one up by starting off too quickly.
When I got home, I called the couple that had counseled me regarding past relationships and had walked me through the covenent of purity until marriage. I told them that I really needed to talk to them as I had met "this guy". They were able to meet with me soon. I poured out my excitement and reservations about myself being ready for a relationship. They counseled me to choose a couple from the church that we both respected to mentor us and for us to be accountable to. "If this guy is worth any consideration, he will think this is a good idea. If he isn't, he won't want anything to do with it."
The next Sunday, Keith came to church and briefly talked to me before I had to go up to start praise and worship. He asked me if I would want to go out on another date. I knew that I needed to talk to him about the advice that I was given to have a couple mentor us, but there wasn't time right then, so I said, "Well, I have to talk to you about something first." His face fell, but there was nothing I could do, they were waiting for me up front. Before the service was totally ended, he had left.
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Cozy days
For those of you that may be waiting for further episodes from my testimony...they will return after this post. :)
Fall...I love this time of year. We have had beautiful colors on the leaves and now they are starting to fall off. The temperatures are falling. I look forward to the last of the ragweed freezing and my allergies subsiding over winter.
Last night, we told our children that it may snow overnight. Our daughter was so excited. She kept talking about it and woke up looking out the window at...no snow. Then later this morning, even though it didn't show up on the weather radar, it starting snowing amongst the rain. This was all my daughter needed. She was off to get dressed in snowpants and all. It was short-lived and now all evidence that it even thought of snowing is gone. The sun is out.
Yet it is still chilly, so I sit in my snug, warm house and rinse dishes with our "free" hot water thanks to our outdoor wood boiler running since last weekend. Our concrete floor is now warm for bare feet. Hot water pipes going through concrete is a wonderful invention for heat.
I have an Autumn arrangement on the island counter in the kitchen and made my new favorite lunch of tomato avocado sandwiches. Thanks to generous friends, we have garden fresh tomatoes that go wonderfully on top of Miracle Whip spread bread...avocado slices, cheese and sprinkled basil on top. Broil the open-face sandwich to melt cheese and mmmmm!
Our 10 month old is getting around quite nicely-too nicely at times and puts absolutely everything in his mouth. I have raced him to a minute piece of paper, crayon or wrapper on many occasions. When he has gotten to the "prize" first, I have the privileged of doing the finger swipe that we are taught in CPR class. I told my husband that I don't remember our other children putting things in their mouths quite this bad. He states that they did, but then reminds me that we now have two older "helpers" that leave trails of things behind them. I have also had to save our crawling magnet from eminent danger from a falling piano bench. Who needs to play softball and slide into base when you can dive across the living room floor instead?
He is starting to put his head down when he crawls with purpose toward his goal...an open door, the open dishwasher, or down the hallway to where Mom is. Reminds me of buffalo that are charging at each other. He is quite like his older sister who did this. When she learned to run, which was simultaneous with walking, she would lean into the corners of the house at breakneck speed. I am trying to prepare myself for a repeat of that.
Earlier today we went outside while it was "snowing" to put away the last of sand toys, and rescued my son's "digger" for inside play over the winter. Now the children are supposedly sleeping, it's quiet and cozy.
I love the Fall...
Fall...I love this time of year. We have had beautiful colors on the leaves and now they are starting to fall off. The temperatures are falling. I look forward to the last of the ragweed freezing and my allergies subsiding over winter.
Last night, we told our children that it may snow overnight. Our daughter was so excited. She kept talking about it and woke up looking out the window at...no snow. Then later this morning, even though it didn't show up on the weather radar, it starting snowing amongst the rain. This was all my daughter needed. She was off to get dressed in snowpants and all. It was short-lived and now all evidence that it even thought of snowing is gone. The sun is out.
Yet it is still chilly, so I sit in my snug, warm house and rinse dishes with our "free" hot water thanks to our outdoor wood boiler running since last weekend. Our concrete floor is now warm for bare feet. Hot water pipes going through concrete is a wonderful invention for heat.
I have an Autumn arrangement on the island counter in the kitchen and made my new favorite lunch of tomato avocado sandwiches. Thanks to generous friends, we have garden fresh tomatoes that go wonderfully on top of Miracle Whip spread bread...avocado slices, cheese and sprinkled basil on top. Broil the open-face sandwich to melt cheese and mmmmm!
Our 10 month old is getting around quite nicely-too nicely at times and puts absolutely everything in his mouth. I have raced him to a minute piece of paper, crayon or wrapper on many occasions. When he has gotten to the "prize" first, I have the privileged of doing the finger swipe that we are taught in CPR class. I told my husband that I don't remember our other children putting things in their mouths quite this bad. He states that they did, but then reminds me that we now have two older "helpers" that leave trails of things behind them. I have also had to save our crawling magnet from eminent danger from a falling piano bench. Who needs to play softball and slide into base when you can dive across the living room floor instead?
He is starting to put his head down when he crawls with purpose toward his goal...an open door, the open dishwasher, or down the hallway to where Mom is. Reminds me of buffalo that are charging at each other. He is quite like his older sister who did this. When she learned to run, which was simultaneous with walking, she would lean into the corners of the house at breakneck speed. I am trying to prepare myself for a repeat of that.
Earlier today we went outside while it was "snowing" to put away the last of sand toys, and rescued my son's "digger" for inside play over the winter. Now the children are supposedly sleeping, it's quiet and cozy.
I love the Fall...
Monday, October 03, 2005
College Years- Part 3 of my testimony
I got my first car during my third year of college. It was a little Ford Festiva stick shift. I loved it! I finally looked up the church that I was invited to from people I met on the mission trip to Mexico. It was a Charismatic church and I was soon invited to be part of the praise and worship team. After I had left Music therapy, I realized how immeshed performance was in my singing. I had decided that I wasn't going to sing if that was all it was. I didn't sing for a year or so. Now I was wanting to only to sing for the Lord. The praise and worship team seemed to be the ticket. You can't sing on a praise and worship team for performance can you? Even though I didn't want to admit it at the time, performance again crept in as I sang in front of the congregation.
Do I look like I'm in the presence of the Lord? If I look like I'm in the presence of the Lord, it will help everyone else be in the presence of the Lord.
Smile, remember to smile...their watching.
Am I on top of that tone? I can't be flat.
I can't hear myself in my speaker. I have to hear myself! How will I know if the balance is right?
I need to sing that descant a little louder so it can be heard.
On and on it went...
I got to know another couple from church and was talking with them about continued struggles in dealing with past relationships. They spent many hours with me in their home. I will never forget what they finally said. "Heidi, there's nothing more we can do for you. You need to decide whether you are going to live with one foot in the world and one foot in the Kingdom or totally live for the Lord." After a couple months of soul searching, I returned to them to let them know that I decided to totally live for the Lord. They then had a "covenant" ceremony with me in which I promised to live s-xually pure until marriage. I lived up to that covenant.
Despite all this, I still became part of an emotionally unhealthy relationship with another woman. I wanted someone to confide in and to "take care of me". She did that. I eventually graduated from college with my degree and moved in with her.
I was able to get an on-call position at a local rehabilitation facility that later turned into a full-time position. I loved that job. I worked with those with spinal cord injuries and congenital disabilities such as cerebral palsy and spina bifida. I also learned technology for environmental access for those with spinal cord injuries and Lou Gehrig's disease. In many ways, that job was another of God's gift to me.
During this time, a spiritual leader, after I had confided about my situation, told me in no uncertain terms that I needed to move out from living in the home with this woman...NOW. I got an apartment. I was lonely, yet felt that this was right. But now what?
Do I look like I'm in the presence of the Lord? If I look like I'm in the presence of the Lord, it will help everyone else be in the presence of the Lord.
Smile, remember to smile...their watching.
Am I on top of that tone? I can't be flat.
I can't hear myself in my speaker. I have to hear myself! How will I know if the balance is right?
I need to sing that descant a little louder so it can be heard.
On and on it went...
I got to know another couple from church and was talking with them about continued struggles in dealing with past relationships. They spent many hours with me in their home. I will never forget what they finally said. "Heidi, there's nothing more we can do for you. You need to decide whether you are going to live with one foot in the world and one foot in the Kingdom or totally live for the Lord." After a couple months of soul searching, I returned to them to let them know that I decided to totally live for the Lord. They then had a "covenant" ceremony with me in which I promised to live s-xually pure until marriage. I lived up to that covenant.
Despite all this, I still became part of an emotionally unhealthy relationship with another woman. I wanted someone to confide in and to "take care of me". She did that. I eventually graduated from college with my degree and moved in with her.
I was able to get an on-call position at a local rehabilitation facility that later turned into a full-time position. I loved that job. I worked with those with spinal cord injuries and congenital disabilities such as cerebral palsy and spina bifida. I also learned technology for environmental access for those with spinal cord injuries and Lou Gehrig's disease. In many ways, that job was another of God's gift to me.
During this time, a spiritual leader, after I had confided about my situation, told me in no uncertain terms that I needed to move out from living in the home with this woman...NOW. I got an apartment. I was lonely, yet felt that this was right. But now what?
Friday, September 30, 2005
College years-Part 2 of my testimony
I went to college for Music Therapy. Music has always been, and continues to be a major part of my, and my family's, life. I was in music contests every spring. My mother faithfully would support me and accompany me as needed while I was in vocal and flute contests. I was in band and choir. I learned that performance was everything. Appearance was everything.
So, it seemed to everyone that I should go to college for music. I really wanted therapy. Music therapy was my compromise.
College was a struggle for me. I was a loner and was lingering in a secretive relationship. Depression engulfed me. I would go to class and then return to my dorm room and sleep, just to "get away from it all". Music theory class was exceptionally difficult. I have been told that it is one of the most difficult things to learn. I was pretty much a straight A student in high school. Now my grades were slipping. I couldn't handle that. Finally, my music therapy teacher suggested that I consider occupational therapy.
It was also during this time that I was invited to a Christian get-away weekend with my cousin at her college. I was touched and it was here that I told the Lord that I was giving Him my life. I had a new hunger for the Lord and started participating in a Bible study. I went to work on a dude ranch in Montana after that first year of college. I wanted to "start over" in many areas and a physical change did really help to make a clean cut. I got a mountain bike and started riding. When I was told about a Christian family that had a Bible study, I rode the 10 or so miles to their house on my day off to introduce myself to Gary and Leta Morton. This started a friendship that has remained to this day. They were spiritual parents to me and I needed it despirately.
Back at college, I found a ride to an Assembly of God church and ended up meeting a lady who is an occupational therapist there. I went to observe her at work and decided to make a change in my major. This meant changing colleges, so I started searching.
Things were starting to turn around for me. I met a friend during my second year of college that is still a good friend today. She is just plain goofy, loves the Lord, and exactly the type of person that I needed to help me learn how to enjoy life.
Unfortunately, this is also the time that I finally realized that things were not going so well at home. My parents had had issues for years apparently. I was oblivious at the time, being so wrapped up in my own life. Now, things were at a crossroads for them. My dad eventually moved out.
I found a college that had occupational therapy. I applied and was accepted. Looking back, everything went so smoothly. It was as though the Lord carried me through this transition.
I started college on a new campus for my third year. My parents finalized their divorce and my dad asked me to help him move 4 states away. Even if unintentional, I felt in the middle of my parents. It was awful. When at my dad's new residence, I met another man and started yet another unhealthy relationship. The distance was God's grace. The relationship ended after a few months, but I was battered. I thought I was a Christian. What was I doing? Was I ever saved in the first place?
So, it seemed to everyone that I should go to college for music. I really wanted therapy. Music therapy was my compromise.
College was a struggle for me. I was a loner and was lingering in a secretive relationship. Depression engulfed me. I would go to class and then return to my dorm room and sleep, just to "get away from it all". Music theory class was exceptionally difficult. I have been told that it is one of the most difficult things to learn. I was pretty much a straight A student in high school. Now my grades were slipping. I couldn't handle that. Finally, my music therapy teacher suggested that I consider occupational therapy.
It was also during this time that I was invited to a Christian get-away weekend with my cousin at her college. I was touched and it was here that I told the Lord that I was giving Him my life. I had a new hunger for the Lord and started participating in a Bible study. I went to work on a dude ranch in Montana after that first year of college. I wanted to "start over" in many areas and a physical change did really help to make a clean cut. I got a mountain bike and started riding. When I was told about a Christian family that had a Bible study, I rode the 10 or so miles to their house on my day off to introduce myself to Gary and Leta Morton. This started a friendship that has remained to this day. They were spiritual parents to me and I needed it despirately.
Back at college, I found a ride to an Assembly of God church and ended up meeting a lady who is an occupational therapist there. I went to observe her at work and decided to make a change in my major. This meant changing colleges, so I started searching.
Things were starting to turn around for me. I met a friend during my second year of college that is still a good friend today. She is just plain goofy, loves the Lord, and exactly the type of person that I needed to help me learn how to enjoy life.
Unfortunately, this is also the time that I finally realized that things were not going so well at home. My parents had had issues for years apparently. I was oblivious at the time, being so wrapped up in my own life. Now, things were at a crossroads for them. My dad eventually moved out.
I found a college that had occupational therapy. I applied and was accepted. Looking back, everything went so smoothly. It was as though the Lord carried me through this transition.
The summer after my second year of college, I was able to go on a mission trip to Mexico with YWAM. It was here that our group was meshed with a group from a church in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area. Since I was going to be moving there when I transitioned to my second college, they invited me to look them up.
I started college on a new campus for my third year. My parents finalized their divorce and my dad asked me to help him move 4 states away. Even if unintentional, I felt in the middle of my parents. It was awful. When at my dad's new residence, I met another man and started yet another unhealthy relationship. The distance was God's grace. The relationship ended after a few months, but I was battered. I thought I was a Christian. What was I doing? Was I ever saved in the first place?
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Beginnings- Part 1 of testimony
Being inspired by "Just a Daisy in the Meadow" and her husband's blog, "In His Image", I've been encouraged to share my journey with the Lord. This may come in increments due to length, but hopefully will be an encouragement to you as well.
Growing up in a small town in Wisconsin, I remember playing at "Ford Tractor" that my dad co-owned. We'd swing on the hanging chains that were meant to hold up engines while rolling on creepers that the mechanics used to slide under the tractors. We had a fort on top of my dad's office and we invariably came home black with grit and grease. These were the days when I would ride with Dad in the implement truck down to Iowa to get a new tractor and jump over and over in the piles of leaves that my mom had raked in our back yard in the Fall. I remember taking swimming lessons in our town lake and shivering beyond recovery it seemed, especially the older I became as my lessons were scheduled earlier in the mornings. Roller skating on the road with my friend was fun, but blacktop is not the smoothest thing to skate on and my legs would tingle for and hour afterward from the constant vibration. Those were the days of me driving our skidsteer out to our land outside the city limits to cut wood and riding our horse, Dandy.
I grew to love riding bike and raced along the road near our house so fast that neighbors told my parents that they thought that I would have a mighty crash someday. I did have some spills, but none that I remember being very significant.
In high school, I hung out with the "shop guys" and eventually started dating one. He loved his Chevy stepside pickup and dragracing. I was along for the ride. I remember wrenches flying across the old barn that he used for his garage when the carburator was not adjusted correctly AGAIN. He liked to snowmobile, but it always seemed to make him angry when it wouldn't work right or it quit.
I walked with him through the woods as he hunted for pheasant. I had never been hunting before. When he shot one, I had to carry it back. I really didn't like the idea of carrying it, especially when it apparently wasn't totally dead and it moved! I screamed...I couldn't help it. When we got home, he set it on the step until his mom was ready to cook it. We happened to look out the window to see a fox running across the field with it in it's mouth. He was mighty upset, let me tell you!
When he said that he wanted to get married after we had dated for 2 1/2 years, I panicked a bit. I had stayed in the relationship for convenience, not for love. I always had somewhere to go and someone to be with while I dated him, but I didn't love him and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that we were not to be married.
I also worked at a local meat market at this time and so my time was full with dating and working. I felt needed and appreciated at work and was very devoted. I didn't care how many hours I put in and I would even look for additional things to do so I didn't have to leave. In some ways it felt like home. After I made the final break from dating, I put even more time into work and started drinking.
The ironic thing was that I was also the youth group leader at my church and was in the church choir. I remember people telling me there what a model Christian I was. I was a bit proud of myself that I could live two worlds so well and apparently fool everyone. I will never forget Margaret Olson though. She was one of the adult leaders of our youth group and battled with cancer. She passed away, but I remember that she was the one who helped me memorize Psalm 23 and there was something special about how she talked about heaven...
Growing up in a small town in Wisconsin, I remember playing at "Ford Tractor" that my dad co-owned. We'd swing on the hanging chains that were meant to hold up engines while rolling on creepers that the mechanics used to slide under the tractors. We had a fort on top of my dad's office and we invariably came home black with grit and grease. These were the days when I would ride with Dad in the implement truck down to Iowa to get a new tractor and jump over and over in the piles of leaves that my mom had raked in our back yard in the Fall. I remember taking swimming lessons in our town lake and shivering beyond recovery it seemed, especially the older I became as my lessons were scheduled earlier in the mornings. Roller skating on the road with my friend was fun, but blacktop is not the smoothest thing to skate on and my legs would tingle for and hour afterward from the constant vibration. Those were the days of me driving our skidsteer out to our land outside the city limits to cut wood and riding our horse, Dandy.
I grew to love riding bike and raced along the road near our house so fast that neighbors told my parents that they thought that I would have a mighty crash someday. I did have some spills, but none that I remember being very significant.
In high school, I hung out with the "shop guys" and eventually started dating one. He loved his Chevy stepside pickup and dragracing. I was along for the ride. I remember wrenches flying across the old barn that he used for his garage when the carburator was not adjusted correctly AGAIN. He liked to snowmobile, but it always seemed to make him angry when it wouldn't work right or it quit.
I walked with him through the woods as he hunted for pheasant. I had never been hunting before. When he shot one, I had to carry it back. I really didn't like the idea of carrying it, especially when it apparently wasn't totally dead and it moved! I screamed...I couldn't help it. When we got home, he set it on the step until his mom was ready to cook it. We happened to look out the window to see a fox running across the field with it in it's mouth. He was mighty upset, let me tell you!
When he said that he wanted to get married after we had dated for 2 1/2 years, I panicked a bit. I had stayed in the relationship for convenience, not for love. I always had somewhere to go and someone to be with while I dated him, but I didn't love him and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that we were not to be married.
I also worked at a local meat market at this time and so my time was full with dating and working. I felt needed and appreciated at work and was very devoted. I didn't care how many hours I put in and I would even look for additional things to do so I didn't have to leave. In some ways it felt like home. After I made the final break from dating, I put even more time into work and started drinking.
The ironic thing was that I was also the youth group leader at my church and was in the church choir. I remember people telling me there what a model Christian I was. I was a bit proud of myself that I could live two worlds so well and apparently fool everyone. I will never forget Margaret Olson though. She was one of the adult leaders of our youth group and battled with cancer. She passed away, but I remember that she was the one who helped me memorize Psalm 23 and there was something special about how she talked about heaven...
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Organization gone too far
I love to organize. If it isn't organized, I've been known to lay awake at night figuring out a plan to put it in order. People have actually tried to count how many containers I have and have given up.
It's been a gradual process of finding the perfect strategy to access items quickly and efficiently in each corner, cupboard, shelf or closet. Containers, baskets or file cabinets have been some of my favorite gifts.
My current plan is to try my hand at building a rolling file cabinet/shelf unit to fit under my laundry table that I can roll out with homeschooling supplies/curriculum. While my husband is over fixing a car in the shop this winter, I hope to be sawing, nailing and glueing.
I've heard it said that it is easier to organize fewer things. Very true...and I need this reminder so that I regularly go through what I have and get rid of the "extra".
Jenna at My Three Pennies Worth (click on sidebar...I haven't learned how to make a link in my text yet :)) wrote a post about "Preparing for the Cold" that discusses the benefits of getting rid of "stuff".
We have a true story that has been told in our family about a lady that grew up in the depression. Every once in awhile we ask my grandma to retell the story to us.
This lady would go to the butcher shop and ask the butcher to use extra string to wrap her meat packages. The butcher didn't know why, but was willing to oblige. When she got home, she would use the extra string to tie her roast before cooking. She continued this for years.
When the lady passed away, her children were cleaning out the house. She was apparently a good organizer herself, but it went a bit too far when her children found a box labeled:
"String, too short to use"
It makes me laugh every time.
It's been a gradual process of finding the perfect strategy to access items quickly and efficiently in each corner, cupboard, shelf or closet. Containers, baskets or file cabinets have been some of my favorite gifts.
My current plan is to try my hand at building a rolling file cabinet/shelf unit to fit under my laundry table that I can roll out with homeschooling supplies/curriculum. While my husband is over fixing a car in the shop this winter, I hope to be sawing, nailing and glueing.
I've heard it said that it is easier to organize fewer things. Very true...and I need this reminder so that I regularly go through what I have and get rid of the "extra".
Jenna at My Three Pennies Worth (click on sidebar...I haven't learned how to make a link in my text yet :)) wrote a post about "Preparing for the Cold" that discusses the benefits of getting rid of "stuff".
We have a true story that has been told in our family about a lady that grew up in the depression. Every once in awhile we ask my grandma to retell the story to us.
This lady would go to the butcher shop and ask the butcher to use extra string to wrap her meat packages. The butcher didn't know why, but was willing to oblige. When she got home, she would use the extra string to tie her roast before cooking. She continued this for years.
When the lady passed away, her children were cleaning out the house. She was apparently a good organizer herself, but it went a bit too far when her children found a box labeled:
"String, too short to use"
It makes me laugh every time.
Monday, September 19, 2005
More
This weekend was a special treat for me. My husband stayed home from work to take care of our three children for the day on Friday so that I could go to a women's retreat by myself! It was a good time of fellowship and the Lord used it to point out quite a few areas that need pruning. Of course pruning is never fun, but I know that it promotes growth toward God.
I was riding to the retreat with a friend when she told me about something that she had recently learned about Eve. Eve had everything that she could ever want...a beautiful place to live...an abundant variety of things to eat...Adam, fresh from the Maker's hand...unhindered fellowship with God...yet she was enticed by the temptation of Satan.
She wanted more.
More wisdom.
More knowledge.
More.
At the retreat, one of the sessions also talked about this. God gives us things that are pleasant and unpleasant. We often come to God with a laundry list of things that we want. We often don't get everything on the list in the way that we wanted them. How do we respond to that? I tend to become frustrated with what I haven't gotten, becoming demanding in a sense, or hardening my heart, so that I can't enjoy those things that I have recieved.
It is the same in marriage or any relationship. We can have a list of things that we want from our husbands, for instance. We want intimate conversation, his shoes always to be put away, recognition that I finally got the back closet cleaned out without hinting at it, recreation time as a family, yet get all the jobs done around the house, family devotions and couple devotions, consistency and unity in child training... The list goes on and on. I tend to want it all and when I don't get it, instead of being thankful for what my husband did do, I can become bitter, sullen and angry over what he did not.
I'm finding out that it's OK to bring those longings that were not fulfilled to the altar of lament. Pray about them. Yes, even grieve over them. Give it to God. Then they are dealt with so that we can recieve those longings that were fulfilled with joy and appreciation...bringing them to the altar of praise.
Longings in and of themselves are not bad, but we need to recieve fulfilled and unfulfilled longings in ways that will promote relationship with the Lord and with others.
Off to the altar...
I was riding to the retreat with a friend when she told me about something that she had recently learned about Eve. Eve had everything that she could ever want...a beautiful place to live...an abundant variety of things to eat...Adam, fresh from the Maker's hand...unhindered fellowship with God...yet she was enticed by the temptation of Satan.
She wanted more.
More wisdom.
More knowledge.
More.
At the retreat, one of the sessions also talked about this. God gives us things that are pleasant and unpleasant. We often come to God with a laundry list of things that we want. We often don't get everything on the list in the way that we wanted them. How do we respond to that? I tend to become frustrated with what I haven't gotten, becoming demanding in a sense, or hardening my heart, so that I can't enjoy those things that I have recieved.
It is the same in marriage or any relationship. We can have a list of things that we want from our husbands, for instance. We want intimate conversation, his shoes always to be put away, recognition that I finally got the back closet cleaned out without hinting at it, recreation time as a family, yet get all the jobs done around the house, family devotions and couple devotions, consistency and unity in child training... The list goes on and on. I tend to want it all and when I don't get it, instead of being thankful for what my husband did do, I can become bitter, sullen and angry over what he did not.
I'm finding out that it's OK to bring those longings that were not fulfilled to the altar of lament. Pray about them. Yes, even grieve over them. Give it to God. Then they are dealt with so that we can recieve those longings that were fulfilled with joy and appreciation...bringing them to the altar of praise.
Longings in and of themselves are not bad, but we need to recieve fulfilled and unfulfilled longings in ways that will promote relationship with the Lord and with others.
Off to the altar...
Thursday, September 15, 2005
The Battle of the Wills
Last night we had cell group at our house. The discussion was about the Lord's Prayer in Matthew 6. In verse 10, an interesting comment was made. "Our will to do His will needs to supercede our fleshly will." Fighting with our flesh will be a reality until we enter eternity, but as long as our will to do His will prevails over our fleshly will, God's ways will reign in our lives. Our fleshly will gets starved.
When an animal is starved, it can become quite ferocious in it's attempt to survive. Our fleshly will may not be much different. It may appear that our flesh, in a certain area, is starved to the point of death, only to have strong hunger pangs reignite it's furry. It is at these times that I often give in and feed my flesh, gorging in things that bring only momentary relief. Then the battle to starve that aspect of my flesh seems to begin all over again. Yet, I have some things going for me this time. I have a new or enlightened understanding of how my flesh fights and can bring about new strategies to help conquer it on the next go around. Most importantly, I have my Lord, who forgives and aids me as I seek His help.
The Lord obviously knew that this battle rages within each soul. He knew that it was a vital aspect in our walk with Him. He knew that we needed to continually pray that our will would overcome our fleshly will.
The Lord's Prayer is a rather short prayer, but He knew that this needed to be included, and for that, I am grateful.
When an animal is starved, it can become quite ferocious in it's attempt to survive. Our fleshly will may not be much different. It may appear that our flesh, in a certain area, is starved to the point of death, only to have strong hunger pangs reignite it's furry. It is at these times that I often give in and feed my flesh, gorging in things that bring only momentary relief. Then the battle to starve that aspect of my flesh seems to begin all over again. Yet, I have some things going for me this time. I have a new or enlightened understanding of how my flesh fights and can bring about new strategies to help conquer it on the next go around. Most importantly, I have my Lord, who forgives and aids me as I seek His help.
The Lord obviously knew that this battle rages within each soul. He knew that it was a vital aspect in our walk with Him. He knew that we needed to continually pray that our will would overcome our fleshly will.
The Lord's Prayer is a rather short prayer, but He knew that this needed to be included, and for that, I am grateful.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
The "Best" homeschool curriculum
This past weekend I was very blessed to be able to see two friends that I hadn't seen in a year+. It seems that true friends only take moments to be able to jump in and have serious discussions. Both are older than me and "veterans" in mothering, homemaking and homeschooling, yet still have some younger children. Their loving smiles and gentle words melted my rough insides. I picked their brains on so many issues and soaked in their wisdom.
"How do you deal with _______ issue in children?"
"How do you get your children to cheerfully help when there is work to do?"
"What homeschool curriculums do you use?"
"How do you make butter from raw milk?"
"How do you make a homemade healing salve?"
Sometimes they had encouraging words that I needed to hear right then, even if they didn't have a specific answer. Sometimes they gave more detailed directions (i.e. making butter, buttermilk, etc. from raw milk).
Most of their words were just plain wisdom. For instance, in my zeal to be the best homeschool mother, I have been on a seemingly never-ending quest for the "best" homeschool curriculum. It just seems to me that there must be one on the market that would teach my children everything in an easy format and fit our parameters for a Biblically based curriculum. I have been afraid that if I just pulled different curriculums together that I would miss some important thing that my children had to know. I wanted a one-size-fits-all program with simple directions and minimal preparation on my part. These ladies told me, "There are holes in every curriculum. You just need to find which ones fit your home, and each child the best."
I've been thinking about this ever since. Why didn't I get it before? Every curriculum, either in public, private or homeschool, is going to miss something. We can't know it all. We won't know everything in our lifetimes, much less in the 15 some years we are in "school".
It has put the pressure off. The focus is more on finding the curriculum that fits us and will instill a love for learning and critical thinking throughout our lives. They can't and won't learn everything there is to learn, but they can have the skills to learn what they need and want to know.
I have so much to learn, but I am eternally grateful for God's gift of wisdom that is passed down from those that have gone before me.
"How do you deal with _______ issue in children?"
"How do you get your children to cheerfully help when there is work to do?"
"What homeschool curriculums do you use?"
"How do you make butter from raw milk?"
"How do you make a homemade healing salve?"
Sometimes they had encouraging words that I needed to hear right then, even if they didn't have a specific answer. Sometimes they gave more detailed directions (i.e. making butter, buttermilk, etc. from raw milk).
Most of their words were just plain wisdom. For instance, in my zeal to be the best homeschool mother, I have been on a seemingly never-ending quest for the "best" homeschool curriculum. It just seems to me that there must be one on the market that would teach my children everything in an easy format and fit our parameters for a Biblically based curriculum. I have been afraid that if I just pulled different curriculums together that I would miss some important thing that my children had to know. I wanted a one-size-fits-all program with simple directions and minimal preparation on my part. These ladies told me, "There are holes in every curriculum. You just need to find which ones fit your home, and each child the best."
I've been thinking about this ever since. Why didn't I get it before? Every curriculum, either in public, private or homeschool, is going to miss something. We can't know it all. We won't know everything in our lifetimes, much less in the 15 some years we are in "school".
It has put the pressure off. The focus is more on finding the curriculum that fits us and will instill a love for learning and critical thinking throughout our lives. They can't and won't learn everything there is to learn, but they can have the skills to learn what they need and want to know.
I have so much to learn, but I am eternally grateful for God's gift of wisdom that is passed down from those that have gone before me.
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