Meeting "him"-Part 4 of my testimony

I felt like I was living on my own for the first time in my life. No longer was I in a dorm room, living with friends while doing internships for occupational therapy, or living with anyone. It was a strange mixture of feeling lonely and independent. So, I tried to keep busy.

I was attending a "cell group" from our church, which is like a Bible study with the added focus of fellowship and accountability. One evening in mid-December 1998, this guy came that was the brother of one of the cell group members. My eyes turned, but I made myself not think about it too much.

A couple weeks later I was on a cruise with my sisters and my dad. I found out later that Keith finally worked up the nerve to call and ask me if I wanted to go out on a date, but I was not there. After I returned, he called again and I said that I would like to go on a date. It was January 17, 1999, and he was going to come to my church for the service and then we would go out to eat after that. His brother had recommended a neat Italian restaurant, so that was the plan. Unfortunately, he didn't know that it wasn't open on Sunday noon. He was beginning to get nervous when he returned to the truck after checking the hours sign on the door. We decided on a different retaurant and drove there. This one was closed due to having an employee day to watch the Vikings play the NFC championship football game. By this time, he was really nervous and embarressed. We went to the Olive Garden after this. It was open and we had a splendid time. Yes, I was nervous and felt out-of-breath at times talking to him, yet in many ways I was very at ease. It seemed like we could talk about everything and there wasn't any uncomfortable silences. He brought me back to the church parking lot. He was going to give me a kiss on the cheek. I said no. The he said, "Can I give you a hug?" I agreed to a side hug. I will admit that I was a bit guarded about relationships and didn't want to mess this one up by starting off too quickly.

When I got home, I called the couple that had counseled me regarding past relationships and had walked me through the covenent of purity until marriage. I told them that I really needed to talk to them as I had met "this guy". They were able to meet with me soon. I poured out my excitement and reservations about myself being ready for a relationship. They counseled me to choose a couple from the church that we both respected to mentor us and for us to be accountable to. "If this guy is worth any consideration, he will think this is a good idea. If he isn't, he won't want anything to do with it."

The next Sunday, Keith came to church and briefly talked to me before I had to go up to start praise and worship. He asked me if I would want to go out on another date. I knew that I needed to talk to him about the advice that I was given to have a couple mentor us, but there wasn't time right then, so I said, "Well, I have to talk to you about something first." His face fell, but there was nothing I could do, they were waiting for me up front. Before the service was totally ended, he had left.

Cozy days

For those of you that may be waiting for further episodes from my testimony...they will return after this post. :)

Fall...I love this time of year. We have had beautiful colors on the leaves and now they are starting to fall off. The temperatures are falling. I look forward to the last of the ragweed freezing and my allergies subsiding over winter.

Last night, we told our children that it may snow overnight. Our daughter was so excited. She kept talking about it and woke up looking out the window at...no snow. Then later this morning, even though it didn't show up on the weather radar, it starting snowing amongst the rain. This was all my daughter needed. She was off to get dressed in snowpants and all. It was short-lived and now all evidence that it even thought of snowing is gone. The sun is out.

Yet it is still chilly, so I sit in my snug, warm house and rinse dishes with our "free" hot water thanks to our outdoor wood boiler running since last weekend. Our concrete floor is now warm for bare feet. Hot water pipes going through concrete is a wonderful invention for heat.

I have an Autumn arrangement on the island counter in the kitchen and made my new favorite lunch of tomato avocado sandwiches. Thanks to generous friends, we have garden fresh tomatoes that go wonderfully on top of Miracle Whip spread bread...avocado slices, cheese and sprinkled basil on top. Broil the open-face sandwich to melt cheese and mmmmm!

Our 10 month old is getting around quite nicely-too nicely at times and puts absolutely everything in his mouth. I have raced him to a minute piece of paper, crayon or wrapper on many occasions. When he has gotten to the "prize" first, I have the privileged of doing the finger swipe that we are taught in CPR class. I told my husband that I don't remember our other children putting things in their mouths quite this bad. He states that they did, but then reminds me that we now have two older "helpers" that leave trails of things behind them. I have also had to save our crawling magnet from eminent danger from a falling piano bench. Who needs to play softball and slide into base when you can dive across the living room floor instead?

He is starting to put his head down when he crawls with purpose toward his goal...an open door, the open dishwasher, or down the hallway to where Mom is. Reminds me of buffalo that are charging at each other. He is quite like his older sister who did this. When she learned to run, which was simultaneous with walking, she would lean into the corners of the house at breakneck speed. I am trying to prepare myself for a repeat of that.

Earlier today we went outside while it was "snowing" to put away the last of sand toys, and rescued my son's "digger" for inside play over the winter. Now the children are supposedly sleeping, it's quiet and cozy.

I love the Fall...

College Years- Part 3 of my testimony

I got my first car during my third year of college. It was a little Ford Festiva stick shift. I loved it! I finally looked up the church that I was invited to from people I met on the mission trip to Mexico. It was a Charismatic church and I was soon invited to be part of the praise and worship team. After I had left Music therapy, I realized how immeshed performance was in my singing. I had decided that I wasn't going to sing if that was all it was. I didn't sing for a year or so. Now I was wanting to only to sing for the Lord. The praise and worship team seemed to be the ticket. You can't sing on a praise and worship team for performance can you? Even though I didn't want to admit it at the time, performance again crept in as I sang in front of the congregation.

Do I look like I'm in the presence of the Lord? If I look like I'm in the presence of the Lord, it will help everyone else be in the presence of the Lord.
Smile, remember to smile...their watching.
Am I on top of that tone? I can't be flat.
I can't hear myself in my speaker. I have to hear myself! How will I know if the balance is right?
I need to sing that descant a little louder so it can be heard.
On and on it went...

I got to know another couple from church and was talking with them about continued struggles in dealing with past relationships. They spent many hours with me in their home. I will never forget what they finally said. "Heidi, there's nothing more we can do for you. You need to decide whether you are going to live with one foot in the world and one foot in the Kingdom or totally live for the Lord." After a couple months of soul searching, I returned to them to let them know that I decided to totally live for the Lord. They then had a "covenant" ceremony with me in which I promised to live s-xually pure until marriage. I lived up to that covenant.

Despite all this, I still became part of an emotionally unhealthy relationship with another woman. I wanted someone to confide in and to "take care of me". She did that. I eventually graduated from college with my degree and moved in with her.

I was able to get an on-call position at a local rehabilitation facility that later turned into a full-time position. I loved that job. I worked with those with spinal cord injuries and congenital disabilities such as cerebral palsy and spina bifida. I also learned technology for environmental access for those with spinal cord injuries and Lou Gehrig's disease. In many ways, that job was another of God's gift to me.

During this time, a spiritual leader, after I had confided about my situation, told me in no uncertain terms that I needed to move out from living in the home with this woman...NOW. I got an apartment. I was lonely, yet felt that this was right. But now what?

College years-Part 2 of my testimony

I went to college for Music Therapy. Music has always been, and continues to be a major part of my, and my family's, life. I was in music contests every spring. My mother faithfully would support me and accompany me as needed while I was in vocal and flute contests. I was in band and choir. I learned that performance was everything. Appearance was everything.

So, it seemed to everyone that I should go to college for music. I really wanted therapy. Music therapy was my compromise.

College was a struggle for me. I was a loner and was lingering in a secretive relationship. Depression engulfed me. I would go to class and then return to my dorm room and sleep, just to "get away from it all". Music theory class was exceptionally difficult. I have been told that it is one of the most difficult things to learn. I was pretty much a straight A student in high school. Now my grades were slipping. I couldn't handle that. Finally, my music therapy teacher suggested that I consider occupational therapy.

It was also during this time that I was invited to a Christian get-away weekend with my cousin at her college. I was touched and it was here that I told the Lord that I was giving Him my life. I had a new hunger for the Lord and started participating in a Bible study. I went to work on a dude ranch in Montana after that first year of college. I wanted to "start over" in many areas and a physical change did really help to make a clean cut. I got a mountain bike and started riding. When I was told about a Christian family that had a Bible study, I rode the 10 or so miles to their house on my day off to introduce myself to Gary and Leta Morton. This started a friendship that has remained to this day. They were spiritual parents to me and I needed it despirately.

Back at college, I found a ride to an Assembly of God church and ended up meeting a lady who is an occupational therapist there. I went to observe her at work and decided to make a change in my major. This meant changing colleges, so I started searching.

Things were starting to turn around for me. I met a friend during my second year of college that is still a good friend today. She is just plain goofy, loves the Lord, and exactly the type of person that I needed to help me learn how to enjoy life.

Unfortunately, this is also the time that I finally realized that things were not going so well at home. My parents had had issues for years apparently. I was oblivious at the time, being so wrapped up in my own life. Now, things were at a crossroads for them. My dad eventually moved out.

I found a college that had occupational therapy. I applied and was accepted. Looking back, everything went so smoothly. It was as though the Lord carried me through this transition.

The summer after my second year of college, I was able to go on a mission trip to Mexico with YWAM. It was here that our group was meshed with a group from a church in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area. Since I was going to be moving there when I transitioned to my second college, they invited me to look them up.

I started college on a new campus for my third year. My parents finalized their divorce and my dad asked me to help him move 4 states away. Even if unintentional, I felt in the middle of my parents. It was awful. When at my dad's new residence, I met another man and started yet another unhealthy relationship. The distance was God's grace. The relationship ended after a few months, but I was battered. I thought I was a Christian. What was I doing? Was I ever saved in the first place?

Beginnings- Part 1 of testimony

Being inspired by "Just a Daisy in the Meadow" and her husband's blog, "In His Image", I've been encouraged to share my journey with the Lord. This may come in increments due to length, but hopefully will be an encouragement to you as well.

Growing up in a small town in Wisconsin, I remember playing at "Ford Tractor" that my dad co-owned. We'd swing on the hanging chains that were meant to hold up engines while rolling on creepers that the mechanics used to slide under the tractors. We had a fort on top of my dad's office and we invariably came home black with grit and grease. These were the days when I would ride with Dad in the implement truck down to Iowa to get a new tractor and jump over and over in the piles of leaves that my mom had raked in our back yard in the Fall. I remember taking swimming lessons in our town lake and shivering beyond recovery it seemed, especially the older I became as my lessons were scheduled earlier in the mornings. Roller skating on the road with my friend was fun, but blacktop is not the smoothest thing to skate on and my legs would tingle for and hour afterward from the constant vibration. Those were the days of me driving our skidsteer out to our land outside the city limits to cut wood and riding our horse, Dandy.

I grew to love riding bike and raced along the road near our house so fast that neighbors told my parents that they thought that I would have a mighty crash someday. I did have some spills, but none that I remember being very significant.

In high school, I hung out with the "shop guys" and eventually started dating one. He loved his Chevy stepside pickup and dragracing. I was along for the ride. I remember wrenches flying across the old barn that he used for his garage when the carburator was not adjusted correctly AGAIN. He liked to snowmobile, but it always seemed to make him angry when it wouldn't work right or it quit.

I walked with him through the woods as he hunted for pheasant. I had never been hunting before. When he shot one, I had to carry it back. I really didn't like the idea of carrying it, especially when it apparently wasn't totally dead and it moved! I screamed...I couldn't help it. When we got home, he set it on the step until his mom was ready to cook it. We happened to look out the window to see a fox running across the field with it in it's mouth. He was mighty upset, let me tell you!

When he said that he wanted to get married after we had dated for 2 1/2 years, I panicked a bit. I had stayed in the relationship for convenience, not for love. I always had somewhere to go and someone to be with while I dated him, but I didn't love him and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that we were not to be married.

I also worked at a local meat market at this time and so my time was full with dating and working. I felt needed and appreciated at work and was very devoted. I didn't care how many hours I put in and I would even look for additional things to do so I didn't have to leave. In some ways it felt like home. After I made the final break from dating, I put even more time into work and started drinking.

The ironic thing was that I was also the youth group leader at my church and was in the church choir. I remember people telling me there what a model Christian I was. I was a bit proud of myself that I could live two worlds so well and apparently fool everyone. I will never forget Margaret Olson though. She was one of the adult leaders of our youth group and battled with cancer. She passed away, but I remember that she was the one who helped me memorize Psalm 23 and there was something special about how she talked about heaven...

Organization gone too far

I love to organize. If it isn't organized, I've been known to lay awake at night figuring out a plan to put it in order. People have actually tried to count how many containers I have and have given up.

It's been a gradual process of finding the perfect strategy to access items quickly and efficiently in each corner, cupboard, shelf or closet. Containers, baskets or file cabinets have been some of my favorite gifts.

My current plan is to try my hand at building a rolling file cabinet/shelf unit to fit under my laundry table that I can roll out with homeschooling supplies/curriculum. While my husband is over fixing a car in the shop this winter, I hope to be sawing, nailing and glueing.

I've heard it said that it is easier to organize fewer things. Very true...and I need this reminder so that I regularly go through what I have and get rid of the "extra".

Jenna at My Three Pennies Worth (click on sidebar...I haven't learned how to make a link in my text yet :)) wrote a post about "Preparing for the Cold" that discusses the benefits of getting rid of "stuff".

We have a true story that has been told in our family about a lady that grew up in the depression. Every once in awhile we ask my grandma to retell the story to us.

This lady would go to the butcher shop and ask the butcher to use extra string to wrap her meat packages. The butcher didn't know why, but was willing to oblige. When she got home, she would use the extra string to tie her roast before cooking. She continued this for years.

When the lady passed away, her children were cleaning out the house. She was apparently a good organizer herself, but it went a bit too far when her children found a box labeled:

"String, too short to use"

It makes me laugh every time.

More

This weekend was a special treat for me. My husband stayed home from work to take care of our three children for the day on Friday so that I could go to a women's retreat by myself! It was a good time of fellowship and the Lord used it to point out quite a few areas that need pruning. Of course pruning is never fun, but I know that it promotes growth toward God.

I was riding to the retreat with a friend when she told me about something that she had recently learned about Eve. Eve had everything that she could ever want...a beautiful place to live...an abundant variety of things to eat...Adam, fresh from the Maker's hand...unhindered fellowship with God...yet she was enticed by the temptation of Satan.

She wanted more.
More wisdom.
More knowledge.
More.

At the retreat, one of the sessions also talked about this. God gives us things that are pleasant and unpleasant. We often come to God with a laundry list of things that we want. We often don't get everything on the list in the way that we wanted them. How do we respond to that? I tend to become frustrated with what I haven't gotten, becoming demanding in a sense, or hardening my heart, so that I can't enjoy those things that I have recieved.

It is the same in marriage or any relationship. We can have a list of things that we want from our husbands, for instance. We want intimate conversation, his shoes always to be put away, recognition that I finally got the back closet cleaned out without hinting at it, recreation time as a family, yet get all the jobs done around the house, family devotions and couple devotions, consistency and unity in child training... The list goes on and on. I tend to want it all and when I don't get it, instead of being thankful for what my husband did do, I can become bitter, sullen and angry over what he did not.

I'm finding out that it's OK to bring those longings that were not fulfilled to the altar of lament. Pray about them. Yes, even grieve over them. Give it to God. Then they are dealt with so that we can recieve those longings that were fulfilled with joy and appreciation...bringing them to the altar of praise.

Longings in and of themselves are not bad, but we need to recieve fulfilled and unfulfilled longings in ways that will promote relationship with the Lord and with others.

Off to the altar...

The Battle of the Wills

Last night we had cell group at our house. The discussion was about the Lord's Prayer in Matthew 6. In verse 10, an interesting comment was made. "Our will to do His will needs to supercede our fleshly will." Fighting with our flesh will be a reality until we enter eternity, but as long as our will to do His will prevails over our fleshly will, God's ways will reign in our lives. Our fleshly will gets starved.

When an animal is starved, it can become quite ferocious in it's attempt to survive. Our fleshly will may not be much different. It may appear that our flesh, in a certain area, is starved to the point of death, only to have strong hunger pangs reignite it's furry. It is at these times that I often give in and feed my flesh, gorging in things that bring only momentary relief. Then the battle to starve that aspect of my flesh seems to begin all over again. Yet, I have some things going for me this time. I have a new or enlightened understanding of how my flesh fights and can bring about new strategies to help conquer it on the next go around. Most importantly, I have my Lord, who forgives and aids me as I seek His help.

The Lord obviously knew that this battle rages within each soul. He knew that it was a vital aspect in our walk with Him. He knew that we needed to continually pray that our will would overcome our fleshly will.

The Lord's Prayer is a rather short prayer, but He knew that this needed to be included, and for that, I am grateful.

The "Best" homeschool curriculum

This past weekend I was very blessed to be able to see two friends that I hadn't seen in a year+. It seems that true friends only take moments to be able to jump in and have serious discussions. Both are older than me and "veterans" in mothering, homemaking and homeschooling, yet still have some younger children. Their loving smiles and gentle words melted my rough insides. I picked their brains on so many issues and soaked in their wisdom.

"How do you deal with _______ issue in children?"
"How do you get your children to cheerfully help when there is work to do?"
"What homeschool curriculums do you use?"
"How do you make butter from raw milk?"
"How do you make a homemade healing salve?"

Sometimes they had encouraging words that I needed to hear right then, even if they didn't have a specific answer. Sometimes they gave more detailed directions (i.e. making butter, buttermilk, etc. from raw milk).

Most of their words were just plain wisdom. For instance, in my zeal to be the best homeschool mother, I have been on a seemingly never-ending quest for the "best" homeschool curriculum. It just seems to me that there must be one on the market that would teach my children everything in an easy format and fit our parameters for a Biblically based curriculum. I have been afraid that if I just pulled different curriculums together that I would miss some important thing that my children had to know. I wanted a one-size-fits-all program with simple directions and minimal preparation on my part. These ladies told me, "There are holes in every curriculum. You just need to find which ones fit your home, and each child the best."

I've been thinking about this ever since. Why didn't I get it before? Every curriculum, either in public, private or homeschool, is going to miss something. We can't know it all. We won't know everything in our lifetimes, much less in the 15 some years we are in "school".

It has put the pressure off. The focus is more on finding the curriculum that fits us and will instill a love for learning and critical thinking throughout our lives. They can't and won't learn everything there is to learn, but they can have the skills to learn what they need and want to know.

I have so much to learn, but I am eternally grateful for God's gift of wisdom that is passed down from those that have gone before me.

Growing Pains

The last week or two we have had some growing pains in our house. One of them has been in regards to starting homeschooling with our 4, almost 5, year old. She is a smart cookie, but there is a learning curve for me to determine how far and how fast to go. Yes, I am an occupational therapist, but I can sincerely say that I am NOT a pediatric therapist. Some have told me that they believe that teaching children early usually only makes them hate learning. Yikes! Yet, I have tried to balance all the advice as best I can. So, the last week or so has been an exercise in admitting to myself that she is not ready in some areas, but she is ready and eager to do others.

Even though the current curriculum that we chose teaches cursive writing in kindergarden, I decided today that she is not ready for that. I had guessed that, but now I know for sure. I talked to my husband today when he called from work and he said, "I didn't think she was ready for that." Sometimes I have to be hit over the head before I'll give up. We're going back to the preschool Handwriting Without Tears and that has gone well. There are quite a few manipulatives to make it fun.

We're going to read more. I went to the library and got quite a few books. One that we read today was on the flood in Grand Forks, ND a few years back. It prompted quite a bit of discussion with my children about floods like people are experiencing in the south. We then went outside in the sand and made dikes to protect our "city".

I had made some cardstock fish, painted them with the children, and then had them laminated awhile back. We put paperclips on them and went fishing with magnet-ended fishing lines today. Dry-erase markers work well on these, so I wrote some single-vowel words on the back that she had to read if she was going to keep the fish. I had been doing some reading with her before, so these were review words and she ended up keeping them all (even though she had to throw some back and catch them a couple times!) Then we went to her "house" to clean and cook the fish she caught.

She has to have fun and I have to have fun, and then we both learn a lot!

An exercise in Truth

Believing the lies can come easily at times, but I need to exercise my spiritual muscles in the Truth. Here is the tip of the iceberg:

God is bigger than my shortcomings
God loves me enough to have sent His Son to die for me (Matt 1:21, John 3:16)
People will fail me, but God will never fail me
God will never give me more than I can handle
I need not fear the future because God has it in control (1 Peter 3:12-14)
God has not left me comfortless (John 14:18)
The joy of the Lord is my strength (Nehemiah 8:10)
If I trust in the Lord, He will direct my steps (Proverbs 3:5-6)
If I repent, He will forgive (Luke 13:3-5)
There is rightful and wrongful suffering on this earth (1 Peter 2:20, Psalm 34:19)
Emotions will often lead me astray
I need to give up control so that God can be in control

Lord, please help me to continually ingest your Truth to crowd out the lies that try to entangle me. You are the only One that can change me on the inside so that I can be who you want me to be. I will lift mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help...

I'm already feeling stronger :)

Starving, but filling

I have heard it said that there are some sins that need to be starved to death. In other words, don't feed the temptation. A person that has a problem with drinking should not drive past the bar, for example. Someone that has problems with gossiping, should probably avoid prolonged gatherings with those that tend to gossip. Someone that has tendencies toward lustful thoughts should stay away from the gas stations with explicit magazines right by the checkout.

And yet, I have also heard it said that if you are cooperating with the Lord to weed out a particular sin in your life, there will be a void there and it needs to be filled with things of the Lord. So if you are having problems with anger or bitterness, starve the angry and bitter thoughts by these thoughts:

Phil 4:8
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

There are certain sins that are so difficult, and we try and try to pull ourselves off the ground by our bootstraps, trying in vain to change. ("I'm not going to get angry this time...No, I'm not going to get angry this time...I mean it, I'm not going to get angry this time!") God knows the struggle. He knows the purpose in the struggle. He has his perfect timing. Don't feed the sin, look to Jesus, feed on His Word. And as I read from Elisabeth Elliot recently...when you don't know what to do, do like Paul and Silas did when they were chained in prison...pray and sing! The chains just might break off...

Lessons I learned from a cactus

I have a cactus plant that was given to me when we lived on our farm. Yes, there is a variety of cactus that survives the Minnesota winters. It looks like it is completely dead in the winter and then in the spring, it starts to turn green again.

When I first got the plant, my oldest daughter was about 1 1/2 years old. I specifically told her not to touch the plant because it had "prickers". Later I noticed that she was walking around the yard with her arms away from her body and her fingers spread wide apart, like a scarecrow. She wasn't crying, but I knew right away what she had done. Thinking that I would find the remains or damage of the large needles, I came to find what seemed like thousands of small, thread-like needles all over her hands. They didn't hurt unless they were disturbed by fingers touching one another, so she had every appendage apart to avoid it. It took a long time to get all of them out. I later found the cactus had been pulled out and was laying on the lawn.

When we moved to our new location, I took the cactus with. It was in a pot as its temporary home, but it still burst with beautiful yellow flowers. Of course my daughter had to pick one and we had to deal with the small needles again.

This last weekend, I finally got it planted in it's new home. I had gloves on and thought I was quite protected, but alas, I had tiny "prickers" all over my dress that still got to my skin somehow whenever I moved my arms next to my body. Thankfully, the person that gave me this cactus also gave me a tweezers with a magnifying glass. I don't think that the gifts were given at the same time, but they are a combo all the same.

Sin is like this. You see something that appears beautiful and harmless. You decide to touch it, or pick the flowers.

You think that you can avoid, or deal with the pain of the obvious large "prickers",
-speeding ticket
-an overly tight budget that week for buying that 'one' thing that you've been wanting for so long without consulting your spouse

for the anticipation of the greater delight of the moment.
-getting the destination on time despite your lack of time management
-finally having that item.

The problem is, now you have to deal with the tiny needles that you never anticipated and are nearly impossible to get rid of and seem to keep coming back.
-guilt for knowing that you were not obeying the Lord by not obeying the laws of the land
-having a harder time controling impulses next time "you were able to do it last time, maybe you can do it again"
-possibly having to deal with the after effects of an accident or the fear of a near-accident
-the poor example that you were to your children
-having to apologize to your spouse for spending more than in the budget
-maybe having to return the item
-having to earn trust back from your spouse

Sin isn't worth it. It really isn't.

Clean Windows

I think that I am finally on the upswing of this cold. It has hit hard and taken it's toll, but it feels wonderful to have some energy again. The weather has been perfect too. So what did I do today? I washed windows. I didn't know that they were quite that dirty.

My grandma wrote some memories of her childhood during her college years and I recently was able to get a copy of them. One memory of hers was that her mother always wanted the dining room windows washed because it made her "feel better". I now totally understand. It made me feel better too.

I felt like I could touch the trees while standing inside. All of a sudden there was no barrier between my inside world and the outside. I just stood there...loving the clean, loving the light.

This weekend we had some friends over for a meal that we haven't had over for quite some time. I took the opportunity to ask for forgiveness for something that I did a long time ago and has recently been bothering me. She didn't even remember it, but forgave me anyway. :) Even so, I had a lightness in my step afterward. The window was clean again between my friend and I and between my Lord and I. Dirt, debris, cobwebs and bugs were wiped away. I felt closer to my Lord. My relationship with Him seemed cleaner and brighter.

Ah, to have sin forgiven and be wiped clean in renewed communion with Him! Much better than even having clean windows.

Overcomers

After a minor surgery in high school, I was given a Precious Moments figurine of a little boy on crutches. The Scripture written on it says, "Blessed are they that overcome." I had it out for awhile, then packed it away. A couple years ago, I took it out again. "Blessed are they that overcome." An overcomer? Overcoming what?

My mind went to Isaiah 40:31.

But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

I have come to long for an overcoming spirit. I want to soar above earthly circumstances that try to weigh me down.

I am reminded of another picture I saw years ago of a lone eagle, at total peace, perched on a dead tree as a war wages all around. The war of souls is all around us. The war for our peace and effectiveness for God's kingdom is always near. The war to keep us from focusing our thoughts on things that are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, things of good report, virtuous, or things worthy of praise is constant. (Philippians 4:8)

When I choose to live as a citizen of God's kingdom, and not this earthly one, God graciously gives me that inexpressible peace and joy that I long for and I do feel like that eagle who soars above or is able to be at peace on a dead branch as the war rages so close. It is at these times that I take hold of God's gift of an overcoming spirit to rise above the temptations of worry, fear, doubt, dispair and discouragement and "take captive every thought to the obedience of Christ".

This world is not my home...I'm just a passin' through...

Two Kingdoms

I am beginning to understand a Biblical concept that is new to me. There are two kingdoms. There is the earthly kingdom and the heavenly one. If years ago someone would have asked me if there were two kingdoms, I would have likely said "yes". But it wasn't until recently that I have considered the implications of this.

Those who have accepted the Lord, Jesus Christ as their Saviour through repentance and surrendering their lives to Him, are part of the Kingdom of God. When we are part of God's kingdom, we want to know more about our King. We are concerned with the welfare of other citizens of God's kingdom.

People have a united identity within a kingdom. People that are of the earthly kingdom are united in following their king, Satan, whether they will acknowledge it or not. People that are part of the Kingdom of God are united in following the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords!!

To use David Bercot's illustration, if we as American citizens, go to another country, we will be aware of what is going on in the other country, but our main concern is for our own country. I was in Canada as a child and I remember watching the news in the motel room. The news media kept talking about Canadian news. I didn't as much care about what was happening in Canada as I did about what was happening in America. I wanted to hear about what was happening in my home country or how some news coming out of Canada had any effect on America.

That is how it is. I have some idea of what is going on in this earthly kingdom, but I am much more concerned about what is happening in the Kingdom of God and how things in the earthly kingdom are affecting the Kingdom of God.

Just as the hymnwriter wrote, this world is not my home.

This world is not my home, I'm just a passing thru.
My treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue;
The angels beckon me from heaven's open door,
And I can't feel at home in this world anymore.

I need to look upward and be concerned about what my King thinks more than anyone else. How does my King see this issue? What would my King want me to be involved in? What activities allure me away from full devotion to Him? What He desires from me is of my utmost concern. What others say to me and about me are washed by what my King says.

Practically speaking, this may manifest itself in political involvement or lack thereof, how much (if any) news we listen to, or not participating in worldly amusements. Each person needs to ask the Lord if there are things that they are doing, or not doing, that is keeping them from a fuller devotion to Him. Does the activity have eternal value?

Honestly, this is why we don't own a television. Looking back, my husband and I are amazed at the lure and temptation of the earthly kingdom that so quickly flashed across the screen and we are now shocked when we are in a room where a television is on. Even though it was a process before we were ready to get it out of our home, we have never regretted it since.

The more we learn to focus on our citizenship of the Heavenly Kingdom, the less we care about what is happening in the earthly kingdom.

Refrain of "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus":

Turn your eyes upon Jesus.
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow faintly dim
In the light of His mercy and grace.
Words and Music by Helen H. Lemmel1922

Matt 6:33
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

Down but not out

We finally gave in to the "creeping crud", as my dad used to say. Three grumpy children with fevers, coughs and mattery eyes. Yesterday morning my daughter came into our bedroom and announced that her eyes were buckled together. Last night my wonderful husband slept on the couch with our hot baby on his chest so that I could sleep.

This too shall pass. But in the meantime, it is a good opportunity to let other things go and just cuddle.

Visit Carla

Carla at Joys in the Journey, http://joysinthejourney.blogspot.com/ , has a wonderful post that is similar to the one that I posted today. You will not be disappointed by going there to visit.

(For those of you who are html wizards, please excuse the poor html formatting here. I just don't have time right now to make it look more presentable!)

Waiting in wonder

My three year old son amazes me. This past winter my children saw a deer out our window. J. promptly wanted to put on all of his winter garb. After the 10 minutes that it takes to bundle up a child for the snow, he went out and walked over to where the deer had been. He stood there for a good 15-20 minutes just looking and waiting, hardly moving. I kept checking on him to make sure that he wasn't getting overly cold or had walked out of site. He was always there, with no sign of getting cold. I was a bit in awe of his patience. I had never seen such behavior from him before.

Now again today, I spotted him through the window as he watched a gold finch on our bird feeder and VERY slowly and meticulously stepped toward it to get as close as he could before it inevitably flew away. His eyes showed wonder and amazement. I was again in awe.

But then, I think that he was in awe, too. He may not understand it all, but really he was in awe of God's creatures that are all around us, yet won't let us touch them. Though never taught, his spirit knew that these creatures are mysterious and precious and he wanted to get an upclose glimpse. The world God created is vast and he is just begining to see it.

Oh, to see things as a small child. That is what God desires.

"I made a stake"

I had just sent my daughter outside, pushing our youngest in the double stroller. L. does a pretty good job and I can watch them easily out our windows. I was anticipating that she would push the stroller on the driveway, down by the swings, or over some other even terrain. Moments after seeing them on their way, L. comes running in, "Mom! Come! Hurry! I made a stake! I made a stake!" I ran outside and around the house to find the stroller upside down in the weeds and my 7 month old screaming. I pulled the stroller out with my son safely in his five-point harness. No harm was done. There was no poison ivy either. He was frightened, but that was it, thankfully.

I then went on to explain how she should get to her destination with a stroller and avoid the slight embankment on the edge of the lawn. I also had to clarify with her that the word is "mistake".

Thinking about it afterwards, I was thankful that she immediately came to ask for help and didn't try to cover-up what had happened. She was comfortable enough with her relationship with me, and concerned enough with the safety of her brother to come running for help right away.

I would hope that my relationship with the Lord is the same way. I want to learn how to come running to my Father when I have made a "stake" and not try to cover it up or fix it myself.

1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our
sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.